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johannabubela
Experienced user
Joined: 11 Jan 2009
Posts: 67
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 Posted: Sat Mar 14, 2009 7:47 pm Post subject: Re: I got into an accident today |
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se7en, I am so sorry for the loss of your mother. I know what you meant about not crying when everyone else does. I am the only child, and my mother passed away 4 years ago. There is no one else to "do". I will cry for my dad when he's gone...in the meantime, I will do what needs to be done, as you have. Does that make us cold? I don't think so - just some people are mentally equipped to deal with crisis and some are not. I do have my moments, usually in the bathtub, when no one is around and I cry for a few moments, but then I suck it up and get back to work. The work never ends for a caregiver.
You write beautifully...the emotions really show through.
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
Johanna
_________________
Daddy's story:
12/08 - colonoscopy, mass biopsy neg
12/29/08 - surgery, very adv rectal cancer, 13 lymph nodes, 12 pos, perm colostomy
3/16/09 - Began FolFox
5/16/09 - Changed to FolFiri
9/23/09 - final round of FolFiri
10/4/09 - arthritis in spine
10/23/09 - mets to bladder, worsening in liver and pelvis. |
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se7en
Regular
Joined: 22 Jul 2008
Posts: 26
Location: Vancouver, Canada
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| Posted: Sat Mar 14, 2009 11:27 pm Post subject: Re: I got into an accident today |
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I'm traveling tonight
drove 3 hours
it's dark now
and it's lonely in an airport full of people
I'm the only one going
represent for my family
Moms coming with me,
in a small urn.
I asked my siblings.
almost broke at work.
my Aunt couldn't be there for mom
too sick
Mom couldn't be there for her sister
they're spirits are together now.
Soon they'll be together
But now I wait
people sleeping all around.
Taking a flight to somewhere I've never been.
the Sky Chefs load the plane
is this what it's like?
_________________
I miss my mom. |
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se7en
Regular
Joined: 22 Jul 2008
Posts: 26
Location: Vancouver, Canada
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| Posted: Mon Mar 30, 2009 3:53 pm Post subject: Happy Birthday |
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It would've been moms birthday today.
We were going to scatter her ashes,
but my brother had to leave.
We did it on Saturday, on my birthday.
We always shared the party.
Friday all of my sibs were in town.
Made traditional feasts and ate too much.
We had a good time and
we'll do it again tomorrow
Saturday we met at the site of the bench,
Moms memorial bench.
It was raining all morning,
we had umbrella's for all.
Just before we began, an opening in the clouds.
With the sun at our backs,
and a rainbow in the distance,
we could all feel the warmth.
She was with us and I think she was happy.
I was honored to share that day
It's Monday now and memories flash with ritual reminders.
Every year she called me at work
I'd put her on speaker phone for all to hear her sing.
She always got embarassed but she always called.
The phone doesn't ring today.
There's a quiet hum.
My thoughts are heavy
_________________
I miss my mom. |
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Gillette
Moderator
Joined: 15 Oct 2008
Posts: 353
Location: Old Orchard Beach, Maine
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| Posted: Tue Mar 31, 2009 3:56 am Post subject: I got into an accident today |
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How much love I feel, even now tempered by the pain, between you, still.
You will always miss your Mom.
And she will always be with you, and you will know and feel her.
As you have already.
I am sorry Mom is gone, but am comforted to know she is at peace:
And you feel and believe that.
God Bless
_________________
Kathy: still loving Ben, as he rests with God. |
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se7en
Regular
Joined: 22 Jul 2008
Posts: 26
Location: Vancouver, Canada
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| Posted: Wed Jul 15, 2009 7:02 pm Post subject: One month from a year |
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It is one month from a year and the planning begins.
Emails from distant relatives ..
whats happening?
They push the urgency.
is that why my eye twitch is back?
maybe. Thats okay
plans are made to fulfill Moms wishes.
Scatter some ashes with her father.
travel plans, regulations, rules.
one month from a year
her echo is loud
her face is vibrant
_________________
I miss my mom. |
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pbj11
Site Admin
Joined: 12 May 2007
Posts: 2403
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AmieesPlace869
New User
Joined: 28 Jul 2009
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Tue Jul 28, 2009 8:23 am Post subject: Thank you for the inspiration |
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While this road can be long and dark, everyone handles things in their own way. And the way you have handled the loss of your mom and aunt, with grace and inspiration and the understanding that the universe is in control, you have allowed an environment of peace to envelope you and your family, vine eating dog included  .
Our daughter turned 23 yesterday and is in the end stages of head and neck angiosarcoma. She was diagnosed in 11/06, after winning a childhood battle with rhabdyomyosarcoma for four years. My husband is committed to making every day as normal as possible and gets very frustrated when everyone, her nine doctors, the nurses, social workers, case workers, medicaid-based insurance company and others try to 'prepare' us for the inevitable. As he says, when it happens, it happens. We continue to fight every day, just in case...that sense of peace and connection with something greater is the essence of Zen. Funny too, I'm Buddhist and seek to attain this greater sense of peace, but I am still practicing....
If we can take anything away from this unwelcome journey it's the connection to a greater human consciousness and understanding. Most days it's difficult to see but trusting that it's there and connecting with those that experience it bring us all a bit closer together.
Thank you for sharing your path with us, and the love you share with your family!
Our hearts are with you |
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se7en
Regular
Joined: 22 Jul 2008
Posts: 26
Location: Vancouver, Canada
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| Posted: Thu Oct 08, 2009 1:31 pm Post subject: Re: I got into an accident today |
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Making a phone call.
Scrolling through the numbers
I stumble on yours.
Mom, I miss you.
Sending an email.
Scrolling through the addresses
I stumble on yours.
Mom, I miss you.
Looking for a new desktop.
Scrolling through the thumbnails
I see you.
Mom, I miss you.
Cleaning up the kids room.
Picking up toys
I see your gift.
Mom, I miss you.
Mom you are everywhere,
just not here.
I miss you.
_________________
I miss my mom. |
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brainman
Site Admin
Joined: 13 Oct 2005
Posts: 5617
Location: Tennessee
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