updated- hubby-st.4 Lung-brain X2,at 51,begin.4/08

Gillette · Posted: Tue Jul 14, 2009 4:31 am Post subject: more bad news

So, last night he had to have all his foods chopped up small- thank God in Heaven I do what I do for a living- he ate the whole thing. The doc s office people made us schedule an appt to see the doc thurs- a week before the last treatment will be paid for. so far- and Ben is talking no more treatment. for a while- he says a week , and then ever- I think we are nearing another threshold of this miserable trip- one so many before me have gone, and haveing you here makes me feel like less of a monster when i get this way. I am blessed to have a job I love- that is so tough- and can disappear into it for 10 hours a day. and then home Smile

to my family and little dog, and cat- all so happy to see me home. Yesterday , before work, he had to discuss which one of his friends would be a good man for me after he is gone Shocked

good thing was we both agreed Laughing

Gotta laugh where you can , no? Gotta run - no time for tears- theres a moc inspection survey here today, and I should be doing moore than sitting here - but I love you all, and pray - thank God Ben has NO PAIN!! Very Happy

TTFN
_________________
Kathy: still loving Ben, as he rests with God.

MnDixie · Regular Joined: 15 Dec 2008 Posts: 28

You are an angel Kathy....Ben is so blessed to have you...
Still praying for you both....

Gillette

Now he wants a wheel chair and to die in his sleep. Crying or Very sad

_________________
Kathy: still loving Ben, as he rests with God.

pbj11 · Site Admin Joined: 12 May 2007 Posts: 2396

Oh ((((Kathy)))) --- my heart goes out to you sweetie. We did the wheelchair thing too for a few months outside of the house. It's hard... I know. They are scared too but they try not to show it.

Please know that we all keep you in our thoughts and prayers.

God bless and sending big hugs your way. I pray for him to remain out of pain.

Yes -- you DO have to laugh or you'd go completely insane. Prayer and laughter and somehow you make it through. God IS with you.

PBJ
_________________
Husband diagnosed with NSCLC Stage IV. (Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer) Fought & lived 2 1/2 years with multiple lines of treatment.

Post describing our battle: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=7026&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

maryaz

Kathy; My heart just goes out to you. I don't know any other words to add but sometimes there is a little comfort in knowing others care and are able to share some of your feelings. I just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you and Ben and praying for you both.
_________________
Mary

Husband is 67 year old Male
NSCLC - Squamous Cell Carcinoma
Chemo and Radiation Treatments together
Allergic reactions to Taxol and Taxotere.
The Story: http://www.cancerforums.net/about9079.html

Gillette · Posted: Wed Jul 22, 2009 5:02 am Post subject: nothing but tears

Thank you- it is of comfort, and I have been on here more at work than I maybe should, but it helps. It helps to have friends that DO know....
My Ben has faded to a sick patient, and the spark has gone . He still is gifted with no pain. I can only pray for his peace, and for my loving family gone before us, to come and get him now. And I believe they will . Unlike his family, they love him for who he is, and that he has loved me. Pray for it to come sooner- sounds awful, but I know YOU know..... than later. We have a phone interview with SSD today at 9 am, and I will be going home for that. I will return to work after, as now, I feel I am preparing to not be here much in the not so distant future. I am okay- somehow, people look at me like I should NOT be okay, but I never have been a follower, nor a conformist.
PBJ- I see where the strength we hear in your support comes from, love you.
Love to you all, and God bless everyone touched by this nasty disease. It is an indiscriminate beast- and a true spawn of the devil.
Dano- I miss hearing from you- but I know my story is too close to home. I think of you often, and pray you are well, and send my love to you and Sue, and your family.
TTFN
_________________
Kathy: still loving Ben, as he rests with God.

carolyn · Regular Joined: 23 Jun 2009 Posts: 18

Kathy: My heart goes out to you and your husband. Thank GOD that there is no problem with pain. I know exactly how you feel about the sooner than later at this point. My mom is 87w/ stage 4 snclc w/mets to nodes. Very depressing and overwhelming. My dad passed away with the same disease 10 years ago. The last night I saw him I prayed all the way home (3hr drive) that he would go to sleep and pass on. (which he did). It hurts so bad to let go, but its also a relief to see them out of their pain and horrible situation that this awful disease has put them in. Again my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. carolyn
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carolynf

Joey Gal · Regular Joined: 30 May 2009 Posts: 35

Kathy,

You and Ben are in my thoughts and prayers. I am so so glad that he is in no pain. Your prayer for sooner does not sound and is not awful. I have that same feeling and beat myself up over all the time. Dang this really bites..doesn't it!! I too feel that my dads battle with this monster is closing in on him also. He is taking more and longer naps through out the day and a few other crazy little things going on. Last night I got to check off another thing off of my "I Got To Get This Done" list. My husband and I met with the pastor. See my dad had never joined a church since moving to the town where my family lives. (5 yrs ago) Our little country church closed about 3 years ago and my family never joined a new church in town,well that is until last night. I wanted the pastor that was going to perform my dads service to at least know him. Next week we are signing dad up for hospice and the pastor will starting coming to our home. I need to have all my P's and Q's in order so I can get through this. I believe I am in a pre-mourning stage if there is such a thing.
Take care Kathy and I will be thinking and praying for you both!!

p.s. sorry for rambling on about my situation on your post.

Joey
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Joey Gal

thinkpink · Experienced user Joined: 12 May 2009 Posts: 61

Kathy, please know that you and Ben are in my thoughts and prayers. God CAN and WILL lift you up and sustain you through all of this.

Isaiah 41:10 says:

So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

God Bless you both.

tp
_________________
73 yo mother - 29 year breast cancer survivor, radical mastectomy with no radiation and no chemo and no recurrence.

Presented to the ER on April 14, 2009 with pleural effusion and pericardial effusion. Diagnosed on April 17th with stage IV adenocarcinoma NSCLC with mets to the lumbar spine. Began chemotherapy on May 1st- Carboplatin and Alimta plus Zometa for bone mets.

To read a summary of our journey: http://cancerforums.net/about12486.html

Gillette · Posted: Wed Jul 22, 2009 2:53 pm Post subject: denied

Ben was denied SSI and SSD. How kind and compassionate- we missed it by 100 dollars too much income per month!
Now I am going for the free care from a local hospital. He is so depressed that he might incur bills that he will leave for me, after he is gone. He goes for(what could be) his last covered chemo tomorrow- if he doesnt refuse it.
Thank you all again- it is such a dark and lonely place to be- and I find comfort knowing you are all out there - with me, with each of us- and we are not crazy- just broken hearted.
Love you
_________________
Kathy: still loving Ben, as he rests with God.

Gillette · Posted: Fri Jul 24, 2009 3:03 pm Post subject: time to find out

I am in fear. Ben goes for what may be the last set of scans to see what his cancer is doing this saturday. We will meet with the oncologist monday at 1pm, and get the verdict. They cancelled his chemo yesterday.
I am trying not to be full of foreboding- but it is very hard. I feel it getting darker by the minute around me. and I cry
_________________
Kathy: still loving Ben, as he rests with God.

maryaz

Kathy, my words won't help much but I will be praying for you and Ben that things won't be as bad as you are fearing on Monday.
_________________
Mary

Husband is 67 year old Male
NSCLC - Squamous Cell Carcinoma
Chemo and Radiation Treatments together
Allergic reactions to Taxol and Taxotere.
The Story: http://www.cancerforums.net/about9079.html

pbj11 · Site Admin Joined: 12 May 2007 Posts: 2396

(((((Kathy))))))

Thinking of you and knowing your hurt and fear.

God be with you.

Let us know how it went today.

Hugs,
PBJ
_________________
Husband diagnosed with NSCLC Stage IV. (Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer) Fought & lived 2 1/2 years with multiple lines of treatment.

Post describing our battle: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=7026&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

Gillette

We got the news we had expected - bad news. Since the last scan in 4/09, he has had 5 alimta treatments.
Crying or Very sad

There are 2 new tumors in his head, the original lung tumor has doubled in size, and the cancer has metasticized to his liver now.
He is done fighting, and has been given"months" the options offered will furthur reduce his quality of life, with no hope of relief, nor added time.
He is done. Hospice will be our next move, once I get the ins. offered at work under him.
We are okay, sad, but okay. It is not really a surprise.
_________________
Kathy: still loving Ben, as he rests with God.

pbj11 · Site Admin Joined: 12 May 2007 Posts: 2396

Thanks for letting us know Kathy.

Darn cancer!!! Evil or Very Mad

I'm so sorry that you and Ben have hit this leg of the journey. I hope he will do well off all treatment and you two can create some wonderful memories together.

You know my heart is with both of you.

God bless,
PBJ
_________________
Husband diagnosed with NSCLC Stage IV. (Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer) Fought & lived 2 1/2 years with multiple lines of treatment.

Post describing our battle: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=7026&postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=0

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