I need help with my crazy family

mcardme · Regular Joined: 20 Oct 2008 Posts: 15

I am going totally nuts here. My mother was diagnosed w/ GBM stage 4 brain tumor 6 months ago. She has not been able to move her right side for some time now, cannot speak and needs 24 hour care. I stayed with her 24 hours a day, 7 days a week with very little help from my siblings. Things were going well until 2 weeks ago. Mother had a seizure and was hospitalized. Doctors said her brain swelled. She can no longer swallow, most of the time she is incoheirent and in a lot of pain.
The family, which consist of 5 daughters and 2 sons, had a meeting with the doctors and decided that the best thing to do would be sending her home with hospice. EVERYONE agreed. The day they sent her home, my sister, who has power of attorney, removed her from pain medication and decided to pray for the pain to go away. Now she has removed hospice completely. My father won't stand up for her and thinks prayer is also the best thing.
I don't know what to do. I can't turn my back on my mother, yet I can't watch her in so much pain. My mother made us promise when she was well that we would never put her in a nursing home and my sister said she would not. But my father is too ill and cannot take care of her and my sister refuses to. What should I do? My father won't relinquish power of attorney.

ksplat

Hello there
So sorry to hear about your Mother suffering this terrible Brain Cancer. It is a rough journey just on it's own without having the "crazy family" factor weighing into it. What the hell are they thinking?
I feel sorry for your Father because he is obviously not well enough to handle this situation, but there are siblings/offspring who can deal with it & what are they doing? Not alot by the sound of it!
I'm so sorry for you, this situation is difficult. Do you live close to your Parents? I can see that you will be the best advocate for your Mother & you will probably have to "step on some toes" to resolve this situation.
Hospice will be a great asset to your family & really need to be involved at this stage. At the least they can talk through the "stages" that your Mother will be going through, with your other siblings.
Prayer will be a great support for all of the family. Faith in our God will help you all through this awful situation, but Hospice & medical support is also needed for your Mother. Perhaps you can enlist the support of Hospice to get through to your Sis that your Mother needs medical help for her current condition.
I do know the "crazy family" syndrome well, my Mother is from a family of 15 kids. They have the "crazy family" syndrome happening most of the time.
My Bro passed away in Sept from a GBMIV, he fought the disease for 19mths. He wouldn't have been able to get through this without our family pulling together & "being on the same page" for him.
Again I am sorry you have to endure such ignorance. It's unbelievable to me that families can't "work together" in these grave & emotional situations.
Please feel free to post here anytime with your concerns. We are a great community of support, comfort & information for others who are on this journey.
My prayers & thoughts are with you.
Cheers, Angie.
_________________
Brother diagnosed with GBMIV Feb 07
Treatment: Radiotherapy, Temodal, Gliadel Wafers, Dexamethasone, Keppra, Dilantin, Clexane
Went to our Heavenly Father after a 19mth battle,, 47 years young.
23 Sep 2008
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=19227

"Without Faith We Have Nothing"

mcardme · Regular Joined: 20 Oct 2008 Posts: 15

Fortunately, I do live close by but my mother. I stay here because she is 24 hour care. My father cannot lift her when needed so she has to have someone here around the clock. My husband is very understanding and comes to visit with the kids as often as possible.

brainman

Hi mcardme. I just posted a longer reply to your other post. Just wanted to let you know again that I can empathize with your situation. My mother did of GBM 10 years ago and my father died of a Leukemia 2 years ago. I was their primary care provider for the last months of their lives and also did not have their POA.

We too are a family of strong faith. However, we also know that God gave us medicine and caring people who dedicate their lives through hospices.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.
_________________
Jim
Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendroglioma grade 3, same location.
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My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
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Glioblastoma · Regular Joined: 20 Oct 2008 Posts: 18

I agree with Brainman. I believe in the power of prayer, but God gave us brains. With our brains, we discovered medicine. I would fight my family to give my loved one some peace and comfort!! I am so sory you are going through this.

mcardme · Regular Joined: 20 Oct 2008 Posts: 15

I think God skipped my family when it came to brains. They don't listen and they don't care. Unfortunately, my mother will have to suffer. If I could have gotten my hands on pain meds before they canceled hospice, she wouldn't have to suffer.

Anguss · Regular Joined: 10 Sep 2008 Posts: 38 Location: England

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I'm not sure what I'd do without my sister's collaboration and support throughout my mum's illness.... we are working together for what's best for her, not us. As Brainman says - the family should be the patient's dream factory during their illness and I can't comprehend how hard this must be for you.

Rant on here as much as you like. This is an excellent place to rant.
_________________
"Walk Tall Jill"

Tammy

Hi mcardme, I am so sorry to hear of all the cruel things your family is going through. I myself have no brother or sisters but my mother does. My grandmother is in long stay in the hospital dying with lung cancer, my mom is the POA. My grandmother believes strongly in prayer and does not take very much medication for her pain, every now and again she will ask for the pain relief medication. Does your mother speak or is she bed ridden and can not control the medications. My gram says sometimes her prayers take the pain away, I do believe in the power of prayer, hopefully your mom does also and she is praying and is able to control the pain with prayer. I will pray for your mom and I will try my best to send her some positive energy. I hope everything works out with your family, I hear large families are very terrible at times Crying or Very sad

. Stay strong and please stand your ground and fight for what you yourself believes, Take care of yourself also.....

Tam~ Confused

mcardme · Regular Joined: 20 Oct 2008 Posts: 15

Thank all of you for your prayers. My mother does have strong faith and I think that's what is getting her through this. I can't really know what she's feeling because she no longer talks to us and has been bedridden for quite some time. She does look at us and we can see the love in her eyes so I know she knows what is going on. I remember before the illness that she didn't handle pain very well and I don't know how she is dealing with it now. I just pray that her suffering will be over soon. My family says that I am cruel for praying that and have given up on her. I hope my mother does't feel that way.

brainman

No, it is not you being cruel. Not only are your sisters being cruel to you by putting you through this, but they are more importantly being very cruel to their own mother Rolling Eyes

.
_________________
Jim
Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendroglioma grade 3, same location.
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=2405
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=2528
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 3: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Twitter: @JimHawkins54
FaceBook: http://www.facebook.com/James.Hawking54?ref=profile

nancyj19

I totally agree that your sisters are being selfish toward you and your mother. One day I too will have people that will feel the same to me I'm sure. I am a caregiver of 2. I will not be putting my father on life support for sure because of alzheimers. Those patients don't understand what all the strange wires and tubes sare and it frightens them. However, my husband, I don't know that decision yet. Maybe that is far away and maybe never.
However I can sympathize with what you are going through. I have a step daughter that I raised that can't or doesn't choose to understand how consumed and short of time I am. I requested that everyone refrain from emails that were not personal because it fills my inbox up and I don't have time to go through and pick out important ones and delete jokes 50 or more a day(send this to 10 people) type things. It comes a point you just have to block peoples selfish ways out and do what is best for you. Until someone walks in your shoes, they don't know.
Nancy
_________________
Al Tiger

mcardme · Regular Joined: 20 Oct 2008 Posts: 15

My sister has now accused me of trying to kill my mother. Can you believe that. She told my dad to lock up all medications, his and hers so I don't overdose her. I must be terrible at it, I've been here for six months and she's not dead yet.

Tammy

Don't ever regret what you know in your heart is the right thing to do or say, and by no means you are being selfish or cruel towards your mom or family. I point my finger the other way!.
Take Care,
Tam~

nancyj19

Hi
It is so painful (I Know) to have to deal with selfish inconsiderate people such as your sister. When my dad was really sick, my so called sister, (whom I refer to as mom and dads other daughter) came into town and removed all contents from there home including my dads new diabetic shoes (va issue),clothes and his bible. All while he was in the hospital in another city. My parents lived in the South, she rented a u-haul and took everything to her home, up North. I sued for custody of dad and won! When I requested his personal things back, including his Bible her response was, she could not find it. She guess she must have thrown it out. "She probably thought he wouldn't be needing it." Mother was still married to dad and chose to live with her. She kept her about 3 years and put her in a nursing home after nothing was left. She passed this past Jan. and I still have my dad. It was really hard. My dad has been going through some pain. It was hard to get pain meds for him and I could see he was uncomfortable, so I know the pain you are feeling for your mother. Just remember you must forgive those that are causing all this pain, because until you do, you will continue to feel your pain. Sorry I don't know how to do short notes.
_________________
Al Tiger

nancyj19

What doe s the other siblings have to say about your sisters decision?
_________________
Al Tiger

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