inmandysmemory
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Joined: 17 Apr 2009
Posts: 6
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 Posted: Sun Apr 19, 2009 10:39 am Post subject: Will the pain of her death ever go away? |
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Amanda Lynn Hightower.
April 9th, 2009.
12:29am.
To you this may just be a name, a date, a time, but to me its a lot more, it's the day that Matt lost his wife...that Brady lost his Mommy...that Linda & Bob lost their daughter...that Corrie lost her sister...that I lost my cousin; the day another person lost their battle with cancer.
Mandy told us a year and a half ago that she had stage 4 melanoma at the base of her spine. She found out just 6 short months after having her son Brady.
Mandy went through a lot this past year and a half. With chemo, radiation, countless surgeries, numerous hospital stays, mobility loss, ect... she had an extremely exhausting year and a half long battle with cancer.
Cancer took its awful toll on Mandy.
Before she got sick she had an athletic figure, but when the cancer took its hold on her body she lost sooo much weight.
The last time I saw her alive (a while after Christmas) she still looked like Mandy...but when I saw her in that casket...I lost it. She didn't look like the "old" Mandy... it was just another painful reminder of how cancer had gripped ahold of her and taken over.
But even with all the changes cancer had done to her body, she was still soooo beautiful.
My heart hurt so badly when Brady went up to her casket, turned around and whispered "SHHH! Mommy is sleeping".
I wonder how he will ever know how truly amazing his Mom was and how it's not fair that he will grow up with out her.
I'm looking forward to watching him grow and I can't wait until the day that I can say "that's what Mandy would have done or said."
I'm glad though, that Mandy held on to life long enough to see the birth of her neice.
My heart aches for Mandy's sister, Corrie, because this is supposed to be one of the happiest times in her life. But she had to watch as her only sister slowly lost the battle with cancer while trying to be happy for the birth of her daughter.
I strongly believe that you should never have to bury your child, let alone grandchild...but that's what my family had to do.
For 32 short years she was a daughter, granddaughter, sister cousin, friend....
For 5 short years she was Matt's wife...
And for 2 very very short years she was Brady's Mommy.
I will forever have my regrets about Mandy and her death.
Like how I missed 3 chances to go see her and say good-bye before she died. But i didn't take them and I will NEVER forgive myself for that.
My mom said that I shouldn't beat myself up over it and that this way I will be able to rmember her while she was heathier....but the thing that I will remember is how she looked in her casket and how I missed my chance to say good-bye.
I'm putting in a poem that was in the card that wa passed out at Mandy's viewing and funeral. It almost seems like it was written just for her.
God's Garden:
God looked around his garden
And found an empty place,
He then looked down upon the earth
And saw your tired face.
He put his arms around you
And lifted you to rest.
God's garden must be beautiful
He always takes the best.
He knew that you were suffering
He knew you were in pain.
He knew that you would never
Get well on earth again.
He saw the road was getting rough
And the hills were hard to climb.
So he closed your weary eyelids
And whispered, 'Peace be Thine'.
It broke our hearts to lose you
But you didn't go alone,
For part of us went with you
The day God called you home.
Mandy- I love you, I miss you everyday, I will see you again. Rest In Peace Beautiful.....
Thank-you for taking the time to read this... |
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