My Dad now has cancer and I don't know how to cope

Evan · New User Joined: 16 May 2009 Posts: 2

My father is 50 years old and has just been diagnosed with a type of pancreatic cancer that the doctor says is rather rare. He said that if my dad was around 75 then they could only give him 2 years to live. The docter says that because of his age and health that he should be able to drag that out. What is dumb is that my dad was just cleared of cancer a couple of years ago. He had colon cancer that almost killed him about 8 years ago. My biggest problem though, is the fact that I am 21 and the only man in the house if he dies. We live on a farm and so I have taken over the responsabilities of that, I currently have no job but am continuing to look, I was recently in a bad car crash so I am still recovering from that and I just finished school so have all that debt. Even though a person could look at all of that and think "wow, poor fellow" the pain I feel from those things are nothing compared the pain and agony I feel when I think that my dad may not be able to walk my sister down the isle, he might not be at my wedding some day and that my future kids will never get to meet the most amazing grandfather they could ask for. I am tearing up right now just writing it. I am not a guy who crys easily but this month I have cried more then I can remember. Please, I don't know what to do with myself. I am finding an inability to deal with everything. Somebody please help me.

wannaknow · Senior User Joined: 19 Oct 2007 Posts: 118

Evan:
I'll take a shot at this one.
No doubt upsetting news for everyone especially for your Dad.

But let's not jump to the end or what you might feel are known conclusions or timetables today.....
1) Arm Yourself with Knowledge & Info - this forum (focus on info & ideas not losses) and the internet can give you tons of info about the cancer, treatment options, alternative treatments (like a new eating regimen), details on Doctors & hospitals, etc.
Knowledge is power !!!.........and can help relieve that feeling of hopelessness.

2) Dad's age IS a big advantage
He will be able to be involved in the decision making & has strength that
will serve him well throughout the process.

3) Challenge your doctors
Find an Oncologist that you have 100% faith in and is creative + responsive to not only the cancer but the total needs of your Dad........

4) Fight
Your Dad's eating, exercise, rest and spirit has to be the highest priority everyday - he has to go into this new chapter like he's playing Quarterback (or middle linebacker) in the Superbowl

5) Experience
You Dad has already been thru a battle with colon cancer - so he can use the lessons learned & the success to fight this battle.

Sure the gang here will add more.

doubleB

Hi Evan, I'm 19 and we just fairly recently found out my dad who is 56 has PC. I can totally relate to the feelings that you are having, because I have had the same. Who will walk me down the aisle if my dad's not there? How could I possibly explain how amazing my dad is to my future children? But we just have to enjoy whatever time we have with our dad’s right now and try to let them know how much they mean to us. This doesn’t mean that we are giving up, on the contrary, it means that we love them enough to share how we feel and know that together we can get through this, no matter what happens. I know for me I don’t know that much information because my mom doesn’t want to worry me, but it has sort of had the opposite effect, as you could imagine. So the advice I can give to you is be informed, show your love, and don’t be afraid to be afraid. I hope this gives you some comfort that you are not alone and that there are people out there who are praying with and for you.

God Bless you and your family Evan!

DoubleB

Evan · New User Joined: 16 May 2009 Posts: 2

Thank you so much. You guys have both provided me with a lot of help. I have to be honest. I didn't really think that anyone would answer. I was under so much stress at the moment that I wrote that, I was looking for someone to reach out to. Thank you for giving me the words I needed to hear. Now that I have had some time to calm down and look at things from another angle I feel a lot better and am able to think properly.

I will be praying for anyone who feels the same way as I have been feeling and if they want to keep posting on here, I will respond and pray for each inividual. I see now that we are not alone. We humans are here to help one another and there is nothing more powerful then when a group of people can support eachother and pray for one another!

jessica28 · New User Joined: 31 May 2009 Posts: 3

hi evan!
sorry you are dealing with this right now..unfortunaty i know exactly what you are going through.
i just created a new acct since i couldnt get in with my old one but i have been posting here for about a year.

my mom was 49 when she passed and its a terrible thing to go through.
but i looked at it this way.....i knew she was sick..i knew she had little time left and we had to make the most of it.

preparing yourself is important, spending lots of time together is important, and everyday is a blessing Smile

no one can tell you how to cope..you need to find that in yourself..everyone is different

Guytron

Hi Evan,
Despite the differences in age I can relate on multiple levels. My dad was diagnosed with PC in December. For 18 years I've ran a small family farm with my mom & dad. Never in that time have I ever made a plan that didn't include dad. Dad's on chemo now so I'm struggling with all the scary stuff plus having to run the farm almost by my self. Dad tries but the chemo has stolen so much of his strength.

On the bright side, and as an upbeat note for you, dad was diagnosed stage 4 with 3-6 months to live. Other than some recent trouble with dehydration from diarrhea caused by chemo dad has made it reasonably well to 7 months. We've had lots of tears but also many, many fun and wonderful days together. Our faith has been brought to life and all our arguments, etc. have been mended. Now is the time to speak the words.

It's almost impossible to be philosophical about these turns in life but consider that any of us could've snuffed it prior to this. So the emotional turns are responses not really how things are. That argument didn't help me much either but it did create a moments pause for perspective.

I'm pullin' for ya buddy.

khs1613 · New User Joined: 20 Jun 2009 Posts: 5

i know exactly where your coming from, my father passed away with pancreatic cancer about a month ago. You just have to take it one day at a time. Spend EVERY chance you get with him, i know thats not what you want to hear, i didnt, but it doesnt mean its over, it just mean you wont regret it just in case. My dad wento to cancer treatment centers of america(CTCA) they treated him very well and were able to offer the most help. Just pray every night. Rely on close family and friends and when you need to talk to someone talk to them or God. best of luck, and i hope to hear updates on his progress.

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