Father diagnosed with MM

JanKan · Posted: Wed Aug 12, 2009 5:59 am Post subject: Father diagnosed with MM

Hi,

I am new here. My father was diagnosed with MM about 11 months ago. However, he and my mother chose not to tell anyone until last weekend, when they told the "kids" and our spouses. I think they didn't want to worry us since it was in the smouldering stage and there was nothing we could do.

I am still in the stage of confusion and don't think I have quite accepted it yet. I seem to be fuxuating between utter terror and hope. Just wanted to say hi and that your posts have cleared a few thing up and given me some hope. I think the biggest thing I am struggling with is not knowing. I just keep telling myself that right now he is still healthy and that anyone of us could go at anytime.

If anyone has any suggestions on how to cope with this first "accpetance" stage I would be grateful. My parents seem to have accepted it, but they have had almost a year to deal with this. The rest of us are trying to play catch up while being supportive.
_________________
Jan

brainman · Posted: Wed Aug 12, 2009 12:35 pm Post subject: Re: Father diagnosed with MM

Hi Jan. I am so sorry about your father's MM. I am even more sorry that they opted not to have you involved from the beginning. You father missed out on receiving your love and support through all these years. I assume that he has already received some form(s) of treatment?

But more significant is that he (or they) deprived you of this time for you to adjust and come to terms with this. Instead they waited until now when he is probably no longer able to hid it and is closer to the end which gives you a lot less time to adjust.

What you are feeling is normal. You have to grieve and go through all the stages of grief before you can accept this. Right now, you sound like you are still in the first stage... shock. If you are normal emotionally (which you seem to be) you will take 2 steps forward and then 1 step back.

My ex father in law died of MM only 6 years after his diagnosis. But he did involve his family from the first day.
_________________
Jim
Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendroglioma grade 3, same location.
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helen291282 · New User Joined: 15 Aug 2009 Posts: 3

hi jan, im sorry to hear about your fathers diagnosis. It does take time to get your head round it. My mam who is 47 was diagnosed 2 years ago and i found it very hard to accept. It does come with time and the only advice i can give is that wether u accept it or torture yourself with it the myeloma will still be there. It is best to enjoy everything you do as much as possible as like you said none of us know what is round the corner. X

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