Don't want husband to think I'm nagging

reediejr · New User Joined: 05 Oct 2009 Posts: 3 Location: Cincinnati

My husband had his first chemo session Friday. So far, he is just tired, so that's good. I listened to everything all of the doctors said so far and have stocked the house with any OTC he might need (like Miralax) and when my phone alarm goes off to take my prescription, I have him take a multivitamin. I've been letting him sleep during the day, but wake him when he needs to eat and take meds. I've been gently trying to get him to keep a journal as a way for him to get things out.

I've been trying to let him do what his body wants and not keep asking how he is feeling. It's starting to drive him nuts that well-meaning people keep asking him that...I guess it just gets old. The last thing I want to do is become a nag and him be annoyed with me or just see me as the person who makes him do things. I'd love some advice on how to keep tabs on things without annoying him or making him crazy. I've tried to treat him as normal as possible but sometimes it's tough when I have to remind him to keep something in his stomach or change a bandage. Any advice on how to keep things normal, not annoy him and still make sure everything is ok? The other night I said I'd stop asking lots of questions if he promised to be honest and tell me as soon as there is a problem. Is that a good approach?

ChemoMan

Hi reediejr

Welcome to the forum. What is the type and stage of the Lymphoma and what type of chemo is your husband getting? That info is necessary so that we can frame our answers to you.

Cheers
_________________
Age 52
Diffuse Large B cell Lymphoma
Stage 2a
Finished six cycles of R chop 21 26th May 2008
Officially in remission 9th July 2008
Remission confirmed 1st October 2008
Remission confirmed 17 June 2009
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=9620
RULE NUMBER 1.....Don't Panic
RULE NUMBER 2..... Don't forget Rule number 1

reediejr · New User Joined: 05 Oct 2009 Posts: 3 Location: Cincinnati

He has stage 2 Hodgkin's (nodular sclerosis). It's in his neck and chest. He is getting the ABVD chemo treatment.

ChemoMan

Hi reediejr

Aisha is the expert on Hodgkins on this forum so I will leave it to her to give you advice on the ABVD. I do know that everyones response to chemo is very different and what knocks some people over others seem to cope with. The one factor which remains the same is the fatigue, which gets worse as the treatment continues. You need to make allowances for that. Also be careful and try and avoid crowded places as even a common cold can be very dangerous. If you haven't done so already you might want to get a swine flu shot as a dose of the flu at this stage could easily be fatal. I don't think there would be much point in your husband getting a shot, but I would ask the doctors about this, as I am basing this on the R CHOP I received which is different to ABVD.

Good luck and hopefully Aisha picks up on this. Keep us posted
_________________
Age 52
Diffuse Large B cell Lymphoma
Stage 2a
Finished six cycles of R chop 21 26th May 2008
Officially in remission 9th July 2008
Remission confirmed 1st October 2008
Remission confirmed 17 June 2009
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=9620
RULE NUMBER 1.....Don't Panic
RULE NUMBER 2..... Don't forget Rule number 1

aisha1

Hiya!

I am the same stage and have the same diagosis. I also am receiving the same treatment. If it is a help to you, I want to tell you that I have been told today that my treatment has been working very well, and most of my tumors have completely gone. Just one in the neck (very small now) and one in my chest (also very small). ABVD works very well, so you can take heart in that.

The first few weeks, I was tired. I think my body was getting used to it. I was also trying to come to terms with the actual diagnosis and what the chemo involved, which had me in a spot of shock to tell you the truth and I found that it was making me tired as it was always in my head. That is probably why he wants people to not keep asking how he is!

Everyone is different. If you think that it annoys him to be told things, you may want to leave things out for him to see so that can remind him. If you know he will be in the kitchen, leave his pills/bandages/whatever else on the table. That way it is subtle and he will think that he had the idea to take it up. Wink

You can also make a 'note to self' about something and 'accidently on purpose' leave it on the fridge so that he may notice it, or on the table for yourself etc.

The treatment hurt my bones, that has been the most annoying part. My vains were crap, and that was annoying as well. I wanted to eat healthy things at first - then I just started to eat whatever I was craving for and it has kept me ok so far. I have felt sick a few times, but been ok. Acid coming up from the stomach is nasty, but subsides.

Recently I have had back pain and this seems to be my kidneys. My tumors have broken down very quickly and my urea levels have been high when tested today, so he may need to drink a lot of water to get rid of these extra cells.

On the whole I have been surviving. I have been tired some days, and fine on others. I have put on weight (which has been rapid) and food has kept me happy. The ondansetron (steroids) have made me moany sometimes, and I have had a short fuse sometimes as well. This will almost certainly happen with your husband. Just grin and bare it, he will forget 5 minutes later, and laugh.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhh........the joys of living with a skitzophrenic! Laughing

If he has his chemo on a Friday he will usually be in a bad mood on the Monday/Tuesday/Wednesday.... after that he will be ok. You can adjust the days, depending on the chemo day!

Hope this helps. Aisha
_________________
Diagnosed Hodgkins lymphoma, nodular sclerosis, grade 2.
Stage II/IIIa.
Chemotherapy ABVD started August 2009.
Still looking young Wink

Amsterdamgirl · Regular Joined: 28 Oct 2009 Posts: 12

Hi reedie,

My husband has been diagnosed with nodular sclerosis Hodgkins lymphoma, Stage 3B. Obviously freaking out with all of this, as he has always been as healthy as a horse.

He had his first chemo yesterday (he is doing ABVD, and they think he will need 6-8 cycles) and is also very tired,.

I know exactly what you mean. I too am not sure if I'm being too overbearing with all my questions. Today, I reminded him to rinse his mouth with salt water and he snapped back that he'd done it already. I am just so worried about him. However, I'm afraid to say that he would rather not talk about things (sorry to say, but a typical man) whereas my way of dealing with things is to talk and get as much info as possible.

I have just joined this forum and could really use the support of people who are going through the same thing. Thanks for listening.

ChemoMan

Hi Amsterdamgirl

Sorry to see you posting here but take heart Hodgkins is curable, in fact it one of the most curable cancers. Read aisha1's thread if you want some info on what to expect:
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=13397

It would be nice if you start a new topic thread and post your husbands story, but only if you feel up to it. Don't post anymore on this topic with your personal story as this is what we call hijacking a thread and is considered bad manners. It will mean I have to split the thread and it gets a bit messy so it is always best to post to your very own topic. A bit of history of what lead up to your husbands diagnosis would be very helpful to others that will come in the future.

Good luck and hoping to hear more of you and your husbands story.

Cheers
_________________
Age 52
Diffuse Large B cell Lymphoma
Stage 2a
Finished six cycles of R chop 21 26th May 2008
Officially in remission 9th July 2008
Remission confirmed 1st October 2008
Remission confirmed 17 June 2009
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=9620
RULE NUMBER 1.....Don't Panic
RULE NUMBER 2..... Don't forget Rule number 1

Amsterdamgirl · Regular Joined: 28 Oct 2009 Posts: 12

Soorrry for "hijacking"! I will start a new post.

Reedie, how is your husband doing?

cinnamon · Regular Joined: 02 Nov 2009 Posts: 22

ABVD for me.....Was told all of the possible side affects. Worried myself to death over what "could be". Found out I was worrying myself into a whirlwind of depression. Once the Doc helped me to realize that then I took things as they came.....

>>Loss of hair was minimal.
>>Constipation made me a believer in Milk of Magnesia after my 2nd cycle.
>>Fatigue was just as mental as it was physical. I learned to cope, although this hard for me as I am one to be on the go all the time.
>>Grumpy!...yes, the previous poster was was right...it usually hit for 2 or 3 days after a chemo treatment. Wow!...my poor wife...thank goodness she just grinned and was able to bare it...lol
>>Weak legs...I found myself walking at a snails pace on some days and on others I felt like running everywhere I went.
>>My reaction to the chemo was almost immediate. Nodes began to shrink very quickly.
>>Had to drink lots of liquids to keep myself going.
>>Weight gain?...yes. I am told that this is to be expected with this treatment.
>> Depression....yes. I fell into that groove until my oncologist helped me to realize I was depressed. Then I began to counteract the derpession on my own.
>>Emotional...While I was never one to cry over little things but und myself crying and sobbing at times...at the time there seemed to be no apparent reason. Later on, I figured out it was possibly the chemo and also the stress that was bottled up inside of me.
>>Odors...I became very sensitive to scents/odors of any kind. I would swear that I could still smell the odor of the hospital on me a week after I had been there.
>>Veins...I took all of my chemo through my viens in my arms...I was warned that this was very tough on the veins and advised to get a port. I refused the port and suffered through the bruised and aching veins. Bad decision on my part.
>>Chemo treatments generally took me about 2 hours once I the I-V was inserted.
>>Appetite?....yes, very much so. I am told that this was what the steroids were doing to me...causing me to want to eat anything and everything in front of me.
>>Tastes?...Mt. Dew became my enemy. Water became my friend. Bacon seemed to be my lover...lol Still loved red meats and had a passion for fruits and veggies.

Wow!....it's been three weeks since my last chemo treatment. Pet Scan returned as clean! Yipee! No more chemo and considering radiation therapy. Lots to consider there.

When I received the call from my oncologist that my Pet Scan came back as clean, I always thought I would celebrate in a big way. All I could do was to find my wife's arms and hug her and cry. It was the most humbling thing I have ever experienced.

SingleDad

amster
>>>>> I'm afraid to say that he would rather not talk about things (sorry to say, but a typical man) whereas my way of dealing with things is to talk and get as much info as possible. <<<<<

He's internally focused and I'd say respect that - leave his energy intact and chat your heart out here.

You are the buffer to keep outside pressures from reducing his energy for the internal battle.

Keep it light and humorous and exude confidence HE will beat this ( likely will anyways ) save your worries for here.

Do have an eye out for depression tho. I'd say follow his lead on your involvement in his treatment but keeping an eye out on his progress,

Sometimes "normal" feels wonderful - it did for me so reminders can be annoying. He's may be fed up with "medical care" and needs a break.

Also if he's on steroids....be prepared for big time mood swings.....let it roll off.

Good luck

•••

Cinnamon

>>>>>Wow!....it's been three weeks since my last chemo treatment. Pet Scan returned as clean! Yipee! No more chemo and considering radiation therapy. Lots to consider there.

When I received the call from my oncologist that my Pet Scan came back as clean, I always thought I would celebrate in a big way. All I could do was to find my wife's arms and hug her and cry. It was the most humbling thing I have ever experienced. <<<<

big time congrats...my onco sort of slipped my "no cancer evident" in a conversation way earlier than I expected and I had to make him state it out loud that I was in remission.....

Yes whoopee big time.....like the lid coming off a pressure cooker.

Again congrats....
_________________
Age 61
Diffuse Large B cell Lymphoma Stage 2/3
CHOP+R started Feb 26th 2009
Completed 6 cycles June 2009
Diary here http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=12003
Officially in remission July 9th 2009 Wink

Three rounds of Intrathecal completed July 29th
Radiation to come as a prophylactic measure.
1st Radiation Sept 9 - 17 does completed Oct 1.
No more treatments scheduled
Heading to South Africa in January - once the itching stops Mr. Green

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