IMPORTANT

Roberta1 · Posted: Tue Jan 17, 2006 6:08 am Post subject: IMPORTANT

Hi everyone,
I've been visiting these boards over the past week and am a little disappointed! So many read the messages but so few ever write back, and some messages go campletely unanswered! We're all here for the same reasons right? Empathy, advice, support sometimes just to get something off our chest. Sometimes all someone needs is a "hang in there", "I'm sorry you're having a bad day", "congrats on the clear scan", "I understand, I've been there". Is that so hard to type?? Some of the posts have people really reaching out for something, anything. Only to see of the 1,000+ people that have seen there message only 9 felt there concerns important enough to reply!??? I think we all came here at first feeling the same way. Scared, nervous, out of place. It doesn't have to be!! Could we all just reach out a little more, even if you have nothing better to say than Hi, hope you feel better soon! We all hear it in our daily lives, it means so much more coming from someone who KNOWS how you feel because they've been there. This is such an awesome resource for us all and will only be as helpful as WE make it! SO PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE Let's all reach out a little more!
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Love and Prayers
Berta

karenkernel · Regular Joined: 07 Jan 2006 Posts: 12

Hi,
I agree with you. This is the second or third board I have been to that people like myself who have cancer do not get much of response to your questions.
I have had one or two reponses from things I have asked. That's nnot alot considering the people who write to this board.
I am ot sure why. Maybe people are not as responsive as the yused to be along time ago.

Anyway have a good day!

MarkS · Posted: Mon Jan 23, 2006 2:34 pm Post subject: Re: IMPORTANT

The people who come here are in pain - often the worst pain many of them have experienced in their lives. When a person is in pain, their attention naturally focuses inward, onto themselves (and their pain). They may be incapable of seeing beyond it. They may be incapable, at this time, of reaching out to anyone else.
This is human nature.

There are many too who feel inadequate to say anything meaningful in the face of such pain. What they don't realize (maybe) is that every one of us feels like that. Words are just so inadequate but, they're all we have so, we try. We all want to give answers. We'd all love to be able to say something that would end the suffering, but we can't. So we just reach out our hands, when we are able, and say, "We understand. It's ok to be angry, it's ok to be sad, and it's ok to cry." A bit of sympathy, a bit of compassion, that's all we can offer - but that little bit can make a world of difference.
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When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

froidianslp · New User Joined: 28 Jan 2006 Posts: 2

I couldn't agree more. Although I am not the patient, I am the caregiver, and it is really hard on this side too. My husband is the patient, and at first didn't want anyone to know because he didn't want pity, but I knew that I would need a support network so we did tell people a little at a time. I have tried support groups but sometimes the wrong group will make you feel worse than no group at all. I have come to the conclusion that although people are always asking how my husband is doing, they don't want me to tell them the truth. They are practically begging to be lied to so they don't have to face that this could happen to us or maybe to them. So we caregivers end up holding everything in and taking care of not just the patient but everyone else as well. I agree that it's nice to have a place to just get this out. But sometimes I wonder if I am the only one who doesn't feel like Mother Theresa 24/7. If you read this and understand at all please just drop me a note. Thanks to all who listen.

cjago · Regular Joined: 14 Jan 2006 Posts: 42

I think cancer is just as hard on the partner/caregiver as on the patient, if not harder (I'm a patient). I put that on my website - see

http://www.auspiciousdragon.net/medical/dealingwithcancer.html

Good luck!
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adenocarcinoma of the breast, now widely metastatic (stomach, liver, pelvis, pancreas, bones, skin)
survived 11 years so far

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