Dad just diagnosed....how will he die?

jb · Regular Joined: 05 Feb 2006 Posts: 18 Location: UK

Hi!
My dear dad(67 years and smoker) has recently been diagnosed with lung cancer.
He has to go for a biopsy next week.
The only symptom he has at the moment is a pain on his right side.
He feels fine otherwise.
He has said that if the doctors say that having chemo or radiation therapy is only going to give him a few extra months but will make him fell really sick he will refuse treatment.
My question is how will he become ill over the next few months?
Will his breathing become affected or will he just become weaker?
It's really hard to think he might not be around in a years time.
His Oncologist has indicated he might only have months left to my mum.
i just want to prepare my family for how sick he will become if he refuses treatment.
Many thanks
Jackie

mooselite04 · New User Joined: 05 Feb 2006 Posts: 1

I'm sorry you have to receive news like this.

I will tell you about my godfather age 53 but all people are different. My godfather was spitting blood so that’s why he went to see the doctor in September 05. Other than that he was feeling a little bite tired but not more than that. I would suggest that you get familiar with the stages of lung cancer. Then when your dad receives which stage he is in it will help you better understand what they can do and what could happen. My godfather lives alone and he was a smoker too. By the time we herd the news he was having radiation for 5 days. So I'm not sure which stage he was in. After that I did some research and I think he was stage IIIa or IIIb or close to 4 but it was not yet spread anywhere else other than the lung.

For him he was having some liquid getting behind the left lung. Then he had hard time breathing because of all the liquid and that would also give him shoulder pain. But remember all people are different. But I’ve notice your dad is having shoulder pain but that could be different because I think the doctor would of notice it. Because on the x-ray it is just gray you can’t even see the lung it’s like he would be missing one lung.They drain it one time in October by putting a pipe on his side. He lost like 20 pounds by the time everything was done. Then in December they were able to drain it by giving him some pills because it was not as bad as the first time. Then 2 weeks ago he still had hard time breathing. They admin it him again in the hospital. This time the liquid was all over his heart. They were able to drain it again by operation. He was breathing ok but he needed a mask for breathing. For the mask every time he had some liquid behind the lung he needed a mask to breath until the liquid was all gone. His lung keeps getting fill with mucus that a specialist had to come and tap him special places for the mucus could come up and he can spit it. They wanted to put a window at his heart. I'm not sure what they mean by a window but that’s what they wanted to put.

He was not eating much but yesterday morning he had a craving of chocolate chip cookies. So his daughter was on her way with some chocolate chip cookies. As my aunt hang the phone with his daughter to order the cookies his heart rate went really high. They toke him in the emergency room or the OR. They wanted to put a "window" near the heart but my uncle said he would not be strong enough at this point that he wanted them to try to just drain the liquid like they did 2 weeks ago. Unfortunately, they where not able to drain it and my uncle heart started to go down hill. They where able to save him but the doctor ask my aunt to call family ASAP. We all went rushing to the hospital and at 3:00pm-3:05pm yesterday my godfather past away. God Bless him with his happiness, honesty and not receiving much pain while he was fighting.

I think that the cancer infects the lung and that creates a liquid that gets fill behind the lungs. My oncle was only on the left side. But I'm not a doctor and every person is different. He really did not had allot of pain. He had some in the back but not to bad. He did receive some chemo Novelbine which is not a strong chemo compare to what they have when you are healthy. But my uncle waited to long after having his radiation to have strong chemo. He went for his radiation and then he did not feel to have chemo right away. They delay the chemo for 2 weeks but at that time my godfather had allot of pain and waited to long to go to the hospital. Then that's were they found the liquid behind his left lung 500ml of liquid. By the time that was done and clean he lost like 20 pounds. In 2-3 weeks he was from decent health to minimum health.

If your dad decides to have it cured. Tell him to eat allot and to have all the nutrition he can have. My uncle was drinking some ansure 3 times a day and it really did help him big time. Don't try to miss any chemo when they are schedule unless something really bad he can't receive them. My uncle was just feeling a little bite sick so he did not wanted to start them right away but he was strong enough. By the time he wanted to start them he could not have a strong chemo and he only did receive novelbine alone. Was it working we are not sure.
If he starts to notice breathing problem or pain in his shoulders that could be liquid filling up. But like I said before for you dad his houlder pain it could be something else. And again on the x-ray it is just gray you can’t even see the lung it’s like he would be missing one lung. I hope this helps and miracles can happen. I know because I was one of them myself because I had cancer when I was 11 and they found a cure pretty much at the last min. and it did cure me. Keep good faith and good luck.

jb · Regular Joined: 05 Feb 2006 Posts: 18 Location: UK

Thankyou Mooselite Smile

I now have some understanding of what might happen to my dad thanks to you.
It's the fear of the unknown that is worrying me and i want to be prepared for what is to come.
Thanks again
Jackie

steph · Regular Joined: 06 Feb 2006 Posts: 12

It is one year ago today that my mother was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer.She passed away may 23, 2005. I am so thinking of the events of her diagnosis and after the diagnosis until her death. It all went so fast. 73 years old and full of life. She loved my daughters. We miss her terribly. I was with my mother throughout her ordeal. I was there when she died. It was horrible and confusing. I think the medical community is so clueless on this disease. They really have very few weapons to treat it and don't know alot about the disease at all.

My advice to you is to learn all you can about the disease and be prepared for a fast, debilitating disease. Prayer and making the most of EVERY SINGLE moment from now on. Then there will be no regrets. Listen to your father. He knows what his body and mind can take. If he says no to a treatment, respect him.

I wish we had talked with and gotten involved with hospice sooner. They were wonderful. They encouraged my mother to enjoy each individual day. I am not telling you to give up. But this is a ruthless disease with the medical community just at a loss for cure or even reasonable treatment. Your father should do the things he wants to do now. Talk openly and honestly about youyr fears and tell him what a wonderful father he is and show him and tell him of your gratitude NOW. This you will never regret.

Maybe the doctors can help your Dad. His disease might not be as advanced as my mother's was. Don't give-up hope, but don't waste these days either. Talk and listen to each other.

Good luck and God Bless your family on this journey.

jb · Regular Joined: 05 Feb 2006 Posts: 18 Location: UK

Thank you Steph.
I am so pleased to have found people who have some understanding of what i am now going through.
Your messeage is a great help to me
jackie

basil

Hi

I am too wondering the process of my mums cancer, she seems to be getting weaker and sleeping more, she is 74 and has gall bladder cancer that has spread to her liver, lungs and lymph nodes.

People don't actually say to you what the process is, all I get told is she is doing very well.

I am working, and really want to take time off now with her, but you just don't know how long it will go on.

She is getting progressively worse and you hear so much of how people will suddenly go downhill. She has a strong positive attitude so that also masks some of her illness from us as well, and we struggle to judge just how well she is.

My heart goes to everyone else in this situation, it is awful, I feel really scared at times.

jb · Regular Joined: 05 Feb 2006 Posts: 18 Location: UK

Hi Basil
I still cant believe that over the next few months or however long my father has that he will get so sick and eventually die.
He is such a lovely man and although he is 67 that is still a young age to die nowadays.
I also feel really sad that i haven't seen my parents as much as i would like over the last few years due to moving house.
I am now going to cherish all the time i spend with my dad and look after my dear mum as well.
Take care
Jackie

steph · Regular Joined: 06 Feb 2006 Posts: 12

Hello Jackie,
How are you doing? You asked what to expect as far as the progression of your father's illness. My Mother became very weak, loss of appetite and
she had to go on oxygen after she came down with pneumnia, contracted while in the hospital. She also developed a racing heart that no one knew how to control. She improved from the pneumonia, went off oxygen. Then a short time later she started wheezing and feeling like she couldn't catch her breath while she slept at night. So she went back on oxygen and she died while on oxygen. The doctors and nurses thought she was improving a great deal just before she died and were shocked when she passed. I believe the signs of her impending death were her lack of desire to eat. Nothing tasted good and she kept saying it was pointless. The only reason she ate she told me was because it would "perk-up" my father,who would feel hopeful when she ate. She was also wrapping up loose ends. Things that might seem silly under the circumstances were of utmost importance to her. Three days before she died she ordered checks for the checkbook,was insistant on setting and adjusting the thermostat properly. Insistant on getting the ouside lights on the timer and getting the aerator for the backyard pond repaired and set to a timer. She made me check the timers on the lamps in the house. All these things I obliged and thinking maybe she was not all there at the time. Now I know she was preparing for her exit and wanted to leave my Dad and the house and myself in order. She instructed me on splitting her treasures among her kids. She wanted to take care of everything even in the end as she had done all of her life. Look for those signs and honor them. Don't dismiss anything, everything your father says and does from now on will have a reason and profound meaning. These things you must hold onto.You are on a journey now and nothing will ever be the same.My Mother was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer, I believe small cell type, One year ago. It had metastisized to her brain at diagnosis. One surgery to remove the brain tumor. She was never the same. It all went so quickly, it just doesn't seem fair.
Well wishes are with you all.
Steph

steph · Regular Joined: 06 Feb 2006 Posts: 12

Dear Jackie,
I hope I am not annoying you or bringing you down with all of this reality.
I wanted to add that my Mom got very tired. Since she had a brain tumor she did have that added misery. I say misery because her quality of life went down the tubes quickly. She had her right side of her body affected. A partial paralysis of her right side. So she had lost the most of her ability to walk and had weakness in her mouth and aphasia. Which is when you cannot find the word you want to say. My Mother had all of the symptoms of lung cancer and the symptoms that stroke patients experience. She was limited in speech and ability to walk. She eventually lost bowel and bladder control and had to use a wheel chair which she was too weak or unable, because of the brain tumors effects, to wheel herself.. All of these things took the wind out of her sails. She was so independent and active prior to this, that it was just so hard.Then the racing heart and breathing difficulties. In the end she was sleeping alot. I think that is also a sign of nearing the end. Eating little. When asked if she was in pain she would say "no". She truly did not have physical pain. That was God's Blessing. However, her lack of independence and disability was misery ten-fold for her. She went into a coma 24 hours before she went to heaven. Her breathing was extremely labored at the end, until her heart just gave out.

I hope the best for you all. And please forgive me if I am making things worse. Everbodies experience is unique and their own.

basil

Hi Everyone,

I have been reading this post avidly, so please don't feel bad anyone who is posting to say how the progress was for their relatives.

I am so anxious about whether I should be taking time out of work now and all your replies and experiences will help with my decision making.

My thoughts are with you all, thank you very much for sharing what must be a terrible experience, thanks xxx

adr22367 · Experienced user Joined: 17 May 2005 Posts: 78

My Dad was diagnosed with stage IV nscl July 04. He has been on 3 different chemos. He has 4 tumors, 2 on each lung. Three of them have stayed the same size, but the largest one on the left lung has grown minimal each CAT scan. He was in the hospital last week for fluid outside the left lung. He went back to work yesterday, but has to go in Friday for a tube to be inserted for approximately 5 weeks to empty the fluid again. Everyone is different. Good luck.

steph · Regular Joined: 06 Feb 2006 Posts: 12

hi Basil,

When my Mother became ill my husband and I decided I needed to be with her no matter what. I have 2 children and do not work. But we live on one income and we decided that my husband would take care of the kids and put off work and I was with my mother constantly. I am very glad we did that. At the end my Dad and I were her caretakers(with help from hospice three times a week), being with her was my final gift. I hold on to that. Other family members would not do what we did. We got into some debt because of it, but I would not do anything different. Those times just hanging out with my Mom gave her comfort and we talked about everything. fears, love, regrets,repentance. I believe it gave her AND me peace. My Mom would tell me not to stay that I needed to take care of my family, but in the end I know she was grateful for me to be with her. I made this decision when we did not know how long she would live. In fact the medical community would not give us any time frame. They would tell us stories of people living up to two years or more. I thought maybe a year and was shocked when she went downhill so quickly. From my experience, don't waste a moment now. Take the time because it is running out. Lung cancer is that way,those damn cigarettes and the cancer they cause rob you of time. My Mom lost 10 years, our family lost 10 years of her love and presence. Follow your heart, all else will work out.

Steph

wesvista · New User Joined: 11 Feb 2006 Posts: 1

Hey,

I think my dad has it too. He's only 61 years old. I'm kind of scared.

jb · Regular Joined: 05 Feb 2006 Posts: 18 Location: UK

Hi!
Well i've spent a few days with my dad and he seems ok but you can see he has lost weight.
He had a biopsy on tuesday and will get his results in a weeks time.
He doesn't want to talk about his illness though but he enjoyed having his grandson visit this week.
I feel better now i have seen him but worry what he will be told next week.
He has a good appetite at the moment and is still keeping active which is good.
Thankyou for your replies they are appreciated very much.
Jackie

steph · Regular Joined: 06 Feb 2006 Posts: 12

Dear Jackie, I read your last post and it reminded me of how much my children meant to my Mom. She really enjoyed seeing them when she was battling the disease. I know how much of a comfort it must be for your Dad. I think children let us divert our attention from the disease for a few moments. My Mom's demeaner would change when they came into the room. Like a vacation from her situation. Your Grandson will be a blessing for your Dad as he takes this journey. Good luck. You are in my prayers. Hope Good News follows you. Keep us posted on your Father's health.
Steph

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