my father was diagnosed last week...

stevezachara · New User Joined: 01 Aug 2006 Posts: 5

My name is Steve and my father was recently diagnosed with cancer.

We went to the oncologist yesterday to get answers and were given the same answers as someone previously mentioned...they are unsure of how long he has. He mentioned anywhere from 3 months to 2 years. It has already spread to his liver and he is already a little jaundice. Surgery is not an option at this point and the chemo will only basically buy more time. I know he always has faith that the Lord will heal him, and I will believe as well.

I am really saddened at this point to know I don't have much time left with him. I am getting married next year and it truly saddens me to know he might not be there with me.

My fiancee' and I have talked about moving the wedding up but we have so much set in place for that date and it is so far off, it is really hard. Another option we were thinking is having a private ceremony with just our familys and a reception at the designated date.

Does anyone know of any other way to celebrate with my father one last time if this is not possible? I am really not sure what my options are at this point and any guidance or advice would be welcome.

missumom · Experienced user Joined: 05 Jan 2006 Posts: 65

Hi Steve,

I am so sorry that your father has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. I was in the same predicament with my mom last year. She was diagnosed with cancer in the pancreas, liver and gallbladder. She had become jaundice and the cancer was inoperable. She was told by the oncologist that he couldn't give her a definite time; she could have one week, two weeks to a month, or 3 months to a year left to live.

When I think back, I wish that my mom never went for chemo. We had talked about it as a family, but she wanted to have chemo because she thought that it would make her better. In my opinion, pancreatic cancer at Stage IV, which has metasticized in other organs, especially the liver, should not be a candidate for chemo. I don't believe that it shrinks the tumour. With my mom, it just worsened her pain which she required additional morphine, which set off a whole lot of side effects. It deteriorated her condition and took away the quality of what little life she had left. Please get other opinions re: chemo. Maybe, at Stage III, where the cancer hasn't metasticized and is operable, chemo would be an option, but at Stage IV, inoperable, these doctors should think what the chemo is really for. I apologize for being forward with you.

I think that's a good idea to have a private ceremony with just the families, keeping the occasion simple. Maybe a priest can come and give an engagement blessing/prayer. Talk to your dad and get his opinion too.

Cherish every day that you have with your dad. I wish I could say something uplifting about this cancer, but I just can't. I'm sorry.

Mitz · New User Joined: 05 Aug 2006 Posts: 3

I'm so sorry your father has this cancer. My husband has recently been diagnosed, so not having gone through the treatment yet, I can't say anything about that. I do, however, have a daughter who recently married and treasures the day more because her grandparents were both there (now both deceased). Also, one of her bridesmaids is now deceased due to Hodgkins Disease. My advice on that front - do whatever you have to do to marry with your father present. We don't know how much time we have left with anyone we love, but in this case you do know your time with your father is limited - make every minute count with him. Consider a reaffirmation of the vows on the distant future date you have set now. I'm so sorry this is happening in your family.

reenie

Hi Steve, I was so sorry to hear about your dad. I wish there were something- anything- I could say that would help you. I wonder if asking your dad what he thinks might help. My niece is getting married next month and she is having a memorial table with candles representing family members no longer with us. Just a thought.
On the question of time... I know we all really know there is no way to tell, and that each case if different, but I am sure you have noticed the common thread with the stories here. I saw one post that said they wish they hadn't even tried chemo. Somedays I feel that way about my husband's case. I remember thinking how anxious we were to get started and having the dr. say if this works we could get another month. that is the chance you take, now I wonder if we wouldn't have been better off with just the time we had and well managed pain rather than the ravages of the chemo. All these quesitons will be coming up for your family. None of us have the answers but I hope it is helpful to read what others have experienced. take care, Reenie

stevezachara · New User Joined: 01 Aug 2006 Posts: 5

[quote="reenie"]
On the question of time... I know we all really know there is no way to tell, and that each case if different, but I am sure you have noticed the common thread with the stories here. I saw one post that said they wish they hadn't even tried chemo. Somedays I feel that way about my husband's case. I remember thinking how anxious we were to get started and having the dr. say if this works we could get another month. that is the chance you take, now I wonder if we wouldn't have been better off with just the time we had and well managed pain rather than the ravages of the chemo. [/quote]

I am beginning to feel that way too, but its past that point. Just to update, he went for the first treatment last week.That combined with his not eating has really accelerated things to the point where there really isnt much time left. So we are preparing, staying as strong as we can through this. I wish I would have had one good long talk with father before it got to this point, but I don't know if I will have a chance. He is on morphine in the hospital and not really comprehending things too well.

Thank you all for your assistance, finding this place has been a real help in coming to terms with things and realizing what I need to do.

By the way, the idea of having a memorial table representing those no longer with us is a good idea. It is something I would like to do for my own wedding.[/quote]

stevezachara · New User Joined: 01 Aug 2006 Posts: 5

I am really sad to say that my father passed this past thursday. He had been admitted the monday before since he was really weak and hadn't really eaten anything over the weekend. He was supposed to get a blood test done that day but they admitted him instead. From there it just became worse and worse each day. The morphine kept him restful for the most part. I just cannot believe things turned so fast for him. I believe it may be a blessing in disguise though since we didn't want to see him suffer for any length of time. So right now, I am sad, and trying to console my mom. I want to thank this forum and everyone in itfor being around. It has really helped me to deal with this whole process. I pray for peace for all of you.

Thank you,

Steve Zachara

missumom · Experienced user Joined: 05 Jan 2006 Posts: 65

My sincere sympathies to you and your family for the loss of your dad. I know so well the pain you are going through. Please take care of your mom, as well as yourself. Use this forum if it would help you to grieve.

God bless your dad...

reenie

Steve, I am so sorry to hear of your dad's passing. This disease can be so cruel- sometimes the kindest thing it can do is go fast. I know that doesn't help- I only wish there were something that would. You have got a lot on your plate these days, please take care of yourself- not just everyone else. Reenie

avishgag · New User Joined: 06 Sep 2006 Posts: 3

Dear Steve,
I am very sorry to hear of your dad's passing.
Keep with you all the good moments you shared together
May you be happy.
Avishag
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Avishag Ruidich

DoloresB4 · New User Joined: 15 Sep 2006 Posts: 1

Steve I am sorry to hear of your Dad's passing...May God Bless you and your Family.

My dad passed away from pancreatic cancer just 3 weeks ago. My family and I are thankful Dad was not in pain and that he went peacefully. He was diagnosed in July and went so quickly. I want to say do not allow your grief stand in the way of your memories of your father and know that he will always be there for you, you won't have to look far just look to your heart that is where he is and always will be.

May God Bless you,
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Marie

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