so...so...unexpected

roses4evver · Regular Joined: 16 Dec 2006 Posts: 30

[b]Hello everyone,

I'm just plain sick inside and my heart feels like it has been shattered! We truly thought if my husband had any form of caner that it would be operable..
My thoughts are scattered & my mind is spinning because my husband's cancer has spread so fast. My husbands flu like symptoms began the end of Oct and by the 18th of December the bomb was dropped telling us he had stage 4 pancreatic cancer that has spread to the liver & several other organs & soft tissue.

His cancer is spreading so fast that I barely have time to plan what I have to do next. I was told to think of funeral arrangemnts now whil I still could. So I went to a cemetary & picked out 2 plots 2 days ago. Thurs Dec 21st he was released to go home where he wanted to be & wait to pass on. What wonderful saints hospice are!!! So Thurs afternoon Hospice delivered his bed, table & everything else ne needed. The Oncologist said my husband could have up to 1 month, but highly likely to be here less than 2 wks with us on this earth. At least he's not in pain now. It is currently 8 wks since symptoms occurred.

My husband is presently on 4 Oxycottin pills a day & 1 ml's of morpine. That is what finally kicked all his pain away, but sleeps all day. I just want him comfortable, no pain, & to take care of him at home as he wanted. I have waited all my life to find my pot of gold (him)...I just can't believe we have no more time together. I'm 45 & my husband is 59 & we have been together 7 yrs & married 4 yrs. It's like a horrible nightmare that I can't wake up from Sad

.

Wishing you all many blessings & your loved ones to be pain free![/b]

philip · Regular Joined: 27 Dec 2006 Posts: 13

I am very sorry. There is very little I can say to help. If your husband has the pain under control and can still travel, go some where important to both of you or to him. Do it today or tommorrow. Be sure you can return home quickly. Enjoy what time you have left together. Be strong for him. He will need your care.

Big Sister · Experienced user Joined: 02 Nov 2006 Posts: 68

Hello, Roses -- You have already heard much on this forum about pancreatic cancer, stage 4. There is still no good news. I agree with Philip that it's important to have wonderful last moments but the horror of the disease may prevent that.

You WILL have to be strong. My brother's last days were horrible for him and the family who watched. We had hoped he would go peacefully but the ravages of the disease, so sudden, so relentless, made that wish impossible.

Turn off your emotions if you can. Grieve later when he's at peace. For now, make sure that the practical things have been done and that you know his wishes and where the money is. If you haven't already done so, get a power of attorney and be sure the will is current. If you own a house, the power of attorney will enable you to make sure the title is in both names with right of survivorship. If he has insurance, know where the policies are. If there are retirement monies coming to you, contact the plan administrator for what-to-do. The power of attorney is nullified once he passes.

Make sure you have at least 25 copies of the death certificate done at the time of his death. I am not callous with this advice -- you don't want your life unraveling later when you're in no condition to perform these tasks. That's all you can do now.

Emotionally, tell him over and over that he's been a wonderful husband, an excellent partner, your "dream come true," as you put it before. It's important that he feel your touch and hear your words whether he's conscious or not. Later, you will remember that you kept the connection with him until the last breath. That alone will give you comfort to go on.

I trust you are not upset with this advice. Please know it's sent from the heart. We all know what you're going through as we've all been there. I buried my beloved brother 4 days before Christmas after just 8 weeks to the day from diagnosis.

The disease came on suddenly. It never was operable, never affected by chemo, never responded to anything yet the pain grew worse and he grew weaker until those final three days that everyone wishes could be erased from memory.

Neither his wife, nor his kids, nor I have ever spent a more miserable holiday. Perhaps next year things will be brighter. For now, though, the days are indeed dark although he is at peace.

Keep writing. Your words help yourself and others who follow. Until there's a cure, or at least some kind of test that can provide options, we are all in the same boat.

Sending strength to you, I am no longer

Big Sister Sad

roses4evver · Regular Joined: 16 Dec 2006 Posts: 30

[i][b]I just wanted to say that we have no time to enjoy anything together. My husband's cancer marker was 5000 the oncologist said which explains the extreme progressivness of this horrible cancer. My husband was just diagnosed exactly 9 days ago with pancreatic & liver cancer and is receiving hospice care at home as of 3 days ago. his first mild flulike symptom were just 8-9 wks ago. He is completely bedridden and is almost deaf in his rt ear &nearly completely blind. He is taking enough Oxycotten & Morephine to kill a Rhino the nurse tells me. There is no normal coversation because of all the hullucinations & delusions. I was just told 2 days ago that my husband will be very luck if he makes it through the weekend.

Thank you for all your suggestions & thoughts and take care![/b][/i]

	Cancer Forums Forum Index -> Pancreatic Cancer Forum	All times are GMT - 5 Hours
Page 1 of 1

A website for discussions about any type of cancer, including lung cancer, breast cancer, mesothelioma, prostate cancer, laryngeal cancer, leukemia, lymphoma, multiple myeloma and others