Just found out that my mother has cancer

tomfaux · New User Joined: 01 Aug 2006 Posts: 1

Hi,We just found out our mother,67,a smoker,has non small cell squamous stage three and I would like to know will she feel alot of pain.Our family is devastated.The cancer is nowhere else and she is in great health.They say they can't operate because of the location and I'm wondering how long we still have with her.Still in shock and looking for answers.

jennd · New User Joined: 26 Jul 2006 Posts: 1

My husband is 56 and has stage 4 metastatic adrenocarinoma in both lungs, liver, lympnodes and aqdrenal glands. HE never has smoked. He has been started on Oxaliplartin, avastin, and 5-FU. He also goes home on a 5-fu pump for 48hrs and outpatient chemo. He is on this every two weeks, so far he is hopful. I fear the unknown and what is to come. Any ones insight would be helpful.

laurenski · New User Joined: 31 Aug 2006 Posts: 6

I am new at this posting but I would like to see if anyone is in the same boat as my family. My mother is 70 years old and was diagnosed with NSCLC in March. She had surgery to remove the mass/right lung. Originally on PET Scan said it was 4cm, but turned out that she had a 6cm mass and it had spread into her lymph nodes. She is now considered 3A. She has chose to have no further treatment since she is having trouble breathing with the one lung. What do we expect as far as symptoms at this point? What time frame should we prepare for, generally of course. I think that is the most upsetting is knowing something WILL happen but when is so unsettling. The doctors do not say anything. Thanks alot if anyone can help.

laurenski · New User Joined: 31 Aug 2006 Posts: 6

I am new at this posting but I would like to see if anyone is in the same boat as my family. My mother is 70 years old and was diagnosed with NSCLC in March. She had surgery to remove the mass/right lung. Originally on PET Scan said it was 4cm, but turned out that she had a 6cm mass and it had spread into her lymph nodes. She is now considered 3A. She has chose to have no further treatment since she is having trouble breathing with the one lung. What do we expect as far as symptoms at this point? What time frame should we prepare for, generally of course. I think that is the most upsetting is knowing something WILL happen but when is so unsettling. The doctors do not say anything. Thanks alot if anyone can help.

rubylvs12 · New User Joined: 24 Sep 2006 Posts: 6

my father is 64 years old and 8 weeks ago he was diagnosed with stage3b
squamus cell lung cancer it is already in the lymph nodes and they are quite large . last week an oncologist told him that he could not have surgery or chemotherapy but they said they could give him 5 treatments of radiation therapy and that he could have 4 weeks to make a decision if he wanted the radiotherapy or not. he was also told that he could have 9 to 12 months to live without radiotherapy or he could have 2 years in total if he took the radiotherapy. my father was told that it could make u a lot sicker than what he already is and at the moment he is thinking is an extra year of pain worth all of this ! i am really worried about him as i am only 27 and i dont know what to expect . i live 8 miles away from him and i have 2 girls aged 3 and 8 years old . i cannot be with him all of the time as i am extremely pre occupied with my girls and i am already missing dental , chiropody and my diabetes appointments with my doctor to spend some time with him. he lives on his own and i am his only child . he refuses to go to hospital when he gets really bad or a hostel. what bothers us both more is the time frame he has been given . he is alredy on a low dose of morphine and he is worrying about his three little dogs and about where i will get money for his grave plot and funeral and i dont even know the first thin about organising a funeral. can anyone tell me what his average life expectancy is at the moment and can anyone tell me what to expect from the radiotherapy and also could u tell me what to expect from here on in . i meanwhat all could start to happen to him from now until he passes? please . thank you. i would also like to give my love to everyone who has lost someone and best wishes to everyone who is going through surgery , chemotherapy and radiotherapy. ruby Confused

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ruby, northern ireland

laurenski · New User Joined: 31 Aug 2006 Posts: 6

Dear Ruby,
I hear the stress in your posting as I guess we all do facing this kind of diagnosis with a loved one. I can only say that my mother who is 3A was diagnosted in March of this year seems okay so far. Other than the post surgery shortness of breath she seems fairly well. But then we had my mother in law who when diagnosed in October died in March of the next year. I guess the only advise we can give each other is that everyone is different and it is always hard. You have such a burden to keep your children happy and healthy and to prepare and support your father. You have to stay healthy for your children as well as feel like you are not abandoning your father. I will pray for you that God give you the strength to get through this, as well as for your father.
I posed the same questions about how long? The radiation, and chemo are such a personal decision. Some say it helps, but lung cancer has such a low rate of cure, and if cured a horrible rate of re-occurance. I believe it is your state of mind and will to live that makes the difference. It seems grim but then there is always someone's story that beat the odds.
From all that I read, the time frame the doctors gave your father seems about right. Sadly. Stay stong and you will get by. Sorry that this disease does not give one much of anything else to say.

rubylvs12 · New User Joined: 24 Sep 2006 Posts: 6

laurenski
thank you for your kind reply. im very tired at the moment . i dident get much sleep again last night . everytime i close my eyes i see my father standing in front of me just waving and smiling and then he walks off and dissappears. the radiation will only slow things down but he cannot be cured. at the minute i seem horrible , like i dont care but its just that i want to stay strong for myself and my two children , i dont want to crash yet as i know i will have all that to come soon. whenever my father talks about what he wants i find myself quickly changing the subject . i know that i am doing it but i just cant stop myself , maybe its denial i really dont know. my father was offered a dietition , they rang me today to make an appointment to see him but he dosent want to see them so i had to ring them back and tell them . they were ok about it as they cant force upon him what he dosent want. he seems healthy at the moment apart from his breathing and chest pain . i dont know if he will get any worse or the lord will just take him quickly before it gets that far. i wrote a poem for him a couple of nights ago when i had trouble sleeping . i know it sounds stupid but id like to share it anyway. it reads,
dear daddy
as you climb the golden stairway, i hear you call my name.
i look up and i see you but then youre gone again.
i shout to you i love you and i wait for your reply,
dear daddy can you hear me but all i can see is the sky.
i wish that you would answer so that i can sleep tonight
so i shout a little louder with all of my might. dear daddy
i am tired now and i need some sleep tonight.
dear daddy can you hear me i shout and shout again but
when i awaken all i can hear is the rain, but as i close my
eyes again you whisper in my ear, dear ruby its your daddy,
can you hear? dear daddy i can hear you, i hope you haer me
too. dear daddy are you listening all i want to say to you is i
hope that you are now at peace and that i love you too.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
goodnight sleep tight ,love ruby
i wrote this to be read out at his funeral. i will go now with my thoughts i wish you and your family well laurenski, all my love . ruby Sad

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ruby, northern ireland

laurenski · New User Joined: 31 Aug 2006 Posts: 6

Dear Ruby,

I am so sad that you are troubled. Funny that you say you seem like you don't care. People that I have told about my mother ask me how is she all the time and I just say stupid stuff, make a joke and pretend it does not bother me. I don't really know if it does, yet. My mother and I have had a long strained relationship over my life and at times I wonder how I will feel when she is gone. You know everyone has to go, nobody gets to stay forever but when it happens what will I do? I love her despite our crazy life but knowing that she has something that can/will take her has been a healing time in a way.
Your poem is beautifu. My father and I have a great relationship and I cannot even contemplate what I would do if he were sick, I definitely would fall apart, so I feel for you and know how important a father is to a daughter.
I am sorry that your father has pain, my mother is not in much pain right now. She had her tumor removed. She is 70 and smoked most of her life. She is just short of breath right now. She does not know nor do we how she is really doing. She won't go to the doctor for a pet scan or any other kind of test to see how far she has progressed. She is already on her 7th month. It is a bit eery just kind of waiting. You can't help it. It is nerve racking to tell the truth. You kind of know that your hard time is coming, that stinks. I could not get through anything in life without trusting that GOd gives us strength and that alot of what happens to us is supposed to happen. Try to take care of yourself. Thinking of you and all those like us, dealing with this terrible disease. Laurenski

rubylvs12 · New User Joined: 24 Sep 2006 Posts: 6

dear laurenski
thank you for your reply. i too had a strained relationship with my father. as i grew up i did not live with my mother or my father and neither of them lived toghether either . my relationship is strained with my father because he still thinks of me as that little child he once knew and not the woman i now am. so he likes to try to tell me what to do or what i should be doing and he can expect a lot of me but i see it differently however as i find myself constantly saying to him you werent there to tell me what to do as a child so please do not start now. i know the circumstances were out of his control but my mother could have took me home to live with her anytime and she chose not too , she chose her new husband over me and then as i grew up and tried to spend some time with her she just went and done it all over again to me this time taking my brothers side well my half brother. i suppose she thinks that she has got her new family now and i still dont count because i am not her husbands child . my mother despises my father, she said he gave her a hard time but i tried to point out that it was not my fault but her own for going out with him and staying for so long. anyway my life has been far from strained and they both act like i owe them something. i am sort of in the same boat as yourself when you say you dont know how you will feel about your mother when the time comes. i only have my father now as i can never repair anything between myself and my mother , she believed her husband over me before and now she believes her son over my kids. so its more how i will feel when my father is gone then i will have no one and even though me and my dad have our ups and downs he still cared for me a lot more than my mother ever did and i was so happy when i lived with dad and my mother even told people she only had two children my brother if i can call him that and my sister , so when people realised she had three which was me the questions came but she just told everyone it would have been too hard to explain so thats why she said she only had two children . i am quite angry with her as she did have a second chance to make amends, well she had plenty actually but the big one came not so long ago and she blew it and to be honest i now just pretend i dont have a mother its easier for me but if anyone asks i would tell them that i do have a mother and tell them the whole story which would take quite a while. sorrry to bore u with all of that as you have quite enough on your own plate at the moment. as i said i do love my father in my own way and i do care but to which extent i dont know . i know it will affect me more when he does pass. when the reality hits , its just alot harder as he is still here and at anytime he could just go at anytime he might not even get really sick. i will go now. i am glad to be able to talk to someone in the same position as myself and someone who understands although i havent noticed if u are male or female and which country u live in or even your age , sorry as u probably said when you first posted . i tend to overlook things sometimes as my mind wanders a lot with the noise of the kids etc. i will go now anyhow. thinking of u and everyone in this position . ruby
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ruby, northern ireland

laurenski · New User Joined: 31 Aug 2006 Posts: 6

Dear Ruby,
You are so funny, I know it is hard not to download your story. Gosh I could go on forever about my mother and father. It is a lifetime of stories right? Well, to answer I am a woman, I am 40 and I live in South Florida, United States. So cool how this internet thing can get two people from such different places talking about one sad, angry issue. LOL.
I do have two sisters that are helping with my mother, that definitely helps spread the load. My mother is in the mountains of Georgia until November and then she will be back in South Florida. I hope all goes well through the holidays. Nothing worse than that for the kids.
Hang in there. Got to run right now, right back soon. Laurenski

rubylvs12 · New User Joined: 24 Sep 2006 Posts: 6

dear laurenski got your reply. thanks. picked up my dads prescription today and when i took it to him i found out he hasent been taking any of his medication , he has other medication including aspirin which he needs to take to thin his blood and stop it from clotting and this is for a previous stroke that he had which resulted in him being temporarily paralised . i also found out he may be entitled to extra money on his disabillity living allowance for his care so im getting that sorted. he has agreed to let the nurse from the hospice come out and see him tommorrow lunchtime and of course i will be there to hear what she has to say. anyway he is on top form at the moment . i hope it stays that way for another while longer. i am really glad to have found this site and someone to share my grief and pain with as it is hard to find someone to talk to or even find someone to listen or someone that wants to listen . i find myself a lot at peace being able to write things down and have someone read it and understand. i will go for now and please do not rush to answer to me just when u can or want to is ok with me as i am sure u are very busy. look forward to hearing from u all my love ruby
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ruby, northern ireland

laurenski · New User Joined: 31 Aug 2006 Posts: 6

Dear Ruby,

If you want to reach me direct you can at kayalski@bellsouth.net. I know it helps to talk about it and write. I spent alot of money in therapy writing all my feelings down, this is alot cheaper. LOL
Laurenski

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