Grade 3 glioma - timescale for effect of radiotherapy

Carmella · Regular Joined: 18 Jun 2007 Posts: 12

Dear All

My mother in law passed away today. The time has flown by since I last posted when we heard that her diagnosis was terminal.

Ironically, she did not die from her brain tumour, as far as I know. She had also suffered from COPD for the last 5 years which has caused her to have recurrent chest infections. She was hospitalised yesterday evening with a particularly severe infection. As soon as we heard she was in hospital, my husband decided to go and see her, and timed his journey to
arrive at 3pm when visiting time starts. However by the time he arrived (after a 6 hour trip) she had gone.

I have very mixed feelings right now. I am at home alone with the kids, who have not been told - my husband is with his father - so I have been trying to act as though nothing is wrong. I am going to join them tomorrow with the kids so my husband can tell them himself. I am so angry with the doctors - they could have given us more warning that she was dying I am sure of it. My husband is breaking his heart that he was not there for her, but he acted on the best information he had and went to be with her as soon as he thought it would be possible. She died on her own in hospital. They phoned my FIL to tell him to come in, but by the time he arrived it was too late. How dozy can you get?

Anyway, it is cold comfort but at least her suffering is over now. Sadly, the pain is not over for my husband, his father and the rest of us - Ifeel like a new phase is just beginning.

ksplat · Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 6:26 pm Post subject: Re: Sad news

Dear Carmella
I am so very sorry to hear of your MIL's passing. I feel for you all, & acknowledge the pain you are in.
We can never prepare ourselves for the death of a "loved one" regardless of our knowledge of their condition or not.
You need to take time once the funeral arrangements & burial are final to heal yourself, Husband & children. Taking one day at a time (cliched I know), & being close with your family & communicating your feelings with each other.
This part of your "jorney" will be difficult & challenging. Please know my thoughts & prayers are with you all. Feel free to talk on this forum with any of your concerns, etc.
Cheers, Aussie Angie.
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Diagnosed Feb 07
46 Yrs young!
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brainman

Hi Carmella, I am sorry to hear about your mother in law's death. My mother died over 9 years ago so I do identify with your husband. Fortunately, I was able to be with her when she died. I am sorry that your husband and father in law where not with her.

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.
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Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
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In

Carmella,
I'm sorry for you and your Familys lost. It must be so hard for your Husband to have missed her goodbye. But in a way maybe good too.

Often family will bring everyone together, hopefuly the children will do this for you both. Give him some space and time, and don't be hurt or worried about any frustrations or guilt he may have.

All my Sympathy-
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Thinking of you Inica

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ksplat

Dear Carmella
I wanted to share my experience regarding the loss of my Dad. It was Valentine's Day 2006, I knew his time was getting close & I was spending most weekends at the Gold Coast with him, although he wasn't coherent in the last 2 wks....I sat with him, prayed, sang old songs that we used to sing together & even managed to snuggle up to him in his hospital bed & spoon him. I was devastated when my family phoned at 5.45am on the Tues after the last weekend I had been down to visit, to tell me Dad had passed away about 15mins earlier. I wanted to be with him & see him once more before he "went to Jesus". He wasn't alone though, my Mum had sat with him the whole last night right up until he took his last breath. I was glad for this but still felt "pissed off" that I wasn't there. My Bro & Sis had gone to see him after he passed & they told me how awful he looked just after dying. My family were relieved that I didn't come down earlier that day, by the time I got to the Gold Coast his body had been taken away by the undertakers. We all had a "viewing" the day before his funeral (my Bro didn't come to this), I have mixed feelings about seeing him this way.
I can fully understand how your Husband & FIL must be feeling not being there when your MIL passed away. My sympathies and prayers are with you all.
Angie.
_________________
Brother has GBMIV
Diagnosed Feb 07
46 Yrs young!
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=19227

"Without Faith We Have Nothing"

jenugl

Hi Carmella, I'm so sorry to read that your MIL passed away. I feel for you and your husband, FIL and the children. It is a terrible feeling thinking that a loved one was alone when they passed. Both my parents were alone when they passed away. My father was in a hotel room as he traveled for work and my mother was in a nursing home (dimentia, so she didn't realise where she was or who we were - but she was still my mum). I lived 2000 km's away and actually flew down and landed a couple of hours after she died. Nobody knew she would die on this day as she had been sick for a long time. It is hard to get passed that feeling of (I don't know how to explain it) letting someone down - scared, thinking how would I feel if I was by myself when I died. Wanting to be there for them. After a while, I came to realise that they know I love them and know they are up there watching me and they know that we all loved and love them dearly. Life, I believe, is taking one day at a time and I know there will come a day when you and your family can look back at all the good memories of you MIL and feel at peace with yourselves. It is a sad journey for now and I send you and your family my thoughts, prayers and love.
_________________
Love to all. Jen.
_____________________________

Partner of GBMIV survivor - so far.

http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=9502

Carmella · Regular Joined: 18 Jun 2007 Posts: 12

Bless you all for your kind thoughts and for sharing your experiences.

Having spoken with my FIL, it seems as though the doctors did not expect her to pass - they were treating her for pulmonary edema when she deteriorated very suddenly and went into respiratory failure.

I dont feel angry with the doctors anymore, I think her body had just had enough. There is no doubt that the doctors threw everything they could at the brain tumour and the radio and chemo took its toll on her. I can only assume they thought that to do nothing was more risky.

Ironically, one doctor told her that she was more likely to die with the tumour than because of it. At the time that seemed like a hopeful message but with hindsight who knows what he meant! I do feel though that she has been spared some final indignities. She was no longer able to get up from a chair by herself or care for herself unaided, and it would have been so hard for her to deteriorate further.

Thank you all once more and, probably, goodbye from me. It seems very strange to have arrived so suddenly at the end of this journey. I dreamt about her last night as she was pre-tumour, and thats how I will remember her best.

love to you all

C x

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