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Frances
New User
Joined: 01 Jul 2007
Posts: 3
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 Posted: Sun Jul 01, 2007 2:53 am Post subject: Coping when your mum is dying |
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I am new to this forum but would really appreciate contact from those who are going through similar circumstances. My mum has cancer of the tongue and is in the later stages of cancer we have been told they can't tell us how long she has left but the latest thought is 4 weeks. I live in Ireland and my mum is living in England now staying with my sister. It is so hard being away I was going in 2 weeks time but now think I will go next week. I feel so guilty not being there but have 1 dependant child, 2 grown up boys a very supportive husband and a part time job.It is so hard to see someone who has always been so strong now very dependant on others. My sister has been fantastic and I know my mum would prefer to be with her than in hospital. mum has now gone to under 8stone and is finding it increasingly hard to swallow but does not want to have a peg fitted for feeding. I would love to hear how others cope and just from those going through similar circustances.
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Frances |
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brainman
Site Admin
Joined: 13 Oct 2005
Posts: 3976
Location: Tennessee
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| Posted: Tue Jul 03, 2007 6:53 am Post subject: Re: Coping when your mum is dying |
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Frances, I am so sorry about your mother!!! Both of my parents died due to cancer (not the same cancer). I was fortunately to be their primary care provider. I cannot imagine not being able to be in your position! You do have to think about the needs of your child and family.
What I suggest is to make the most out of the time you do have with your mother. If she really only has 4 weeks to live, try to be with her as much as possible and enjoy that time, to whatever extent that you can enjoy that time.
Keep us posted and God be with you.
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Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/ |
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Frances
New User
Joined: 01 Jul 2007
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Tue Jul 03, 2007 11:00 am Post subject: Re: Coping when your mum is dying |
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Brainman thanks for your reply since my last post I am going home this Thursday 5th July mum is very poorly and I need to be there for her and my sister who with her husband have been very strong but feel the need to be there now. My husband and friends are very supportive so my son will be well looked after and he is early teens so although needs adults around is still old enough to be aware of what is happening. I am going initially on my own and then if my mum would like her grandchildren to be there the boys will come. To be honest I think my mum is too weak now and may wish the boys to keep happier memories of her. Its a very sad time and I feel for you losing both parents to cancer. My father died when I was 13yrs old from heart disease so for so long now we have been my mum, sister and myself and my mum has always been a very strong loving figure in our lives. I am glad I have found this site as it feels as though you have others who understand what I am going through.
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MomG
Regular
Joined: 27 Jan 2006
Posts: 35
Location: Va
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| Posted: Tue Jul 03, 2007 2:09 pm Post subject: Re: Coping when your mum is dying |
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Francis, I am so sorry about your Mom...I lost my Mom in 1998 to throat, lung & liver cancer. I too couldn't be there with her till the last day as my husband had just had open heart surgery. I felt so bad that I couldn't share the last moments of Mom's life here. She too was so strong & was the one who was always giving & supporting all of the family & I felt now, I can't help her when she needs it. My husband wasn't up to the trip, but we went that last day & I treasure every moment of it, even though she couldn't talk to me...I know she knew I was there for her...I helt her hand as she stepped over to the other side. I am glad you are gettiing to go be with her now...You won't regret it, as the last moments are to be treasured. My thought & prayers are with you & your family for what is ahead.
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MomG DX 11-23-05 @ 65 yrs. old. Simple mastectomy RB 0.7 cm 1-6-06ER- 3+PR- 3+HER2/nev (herceptest) Negitive, 0+Main Sentinel Node - NegetiveArimidex 1mg. for next 5 years. Onc. Stopped the Arimidex, too much pain & side effects. Evista 60mg. a day. No osteoporosis.
Mother, lung, liver cancer, Aunt, BC |
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jb
Regular
Joined: 05 Feb 2006
Posts: 18
Location: UK
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| Posted: Mon Jul 09, 2007 7:51 am Post subject: Re: Coping when your mum is dying |
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Hi Frances
I am so sorry to hear about you mum.
I live in the UK but about 120 miles from my parents so i dont see them as much as i would like.
My dad has lung cancer and i dread the time coming when i know he is near the end.
I hope you can spend some lovely time with your mum.
Take care
Jackie |
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Frances
New User
Joined: 01 Jul 2007
Posts: 3
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| Posted: Wed Aug 01, 2007 4:10 pm Post subject: Re: Coping when your mum is dying |
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Thanks for all your replies sadly my mum passed away 23rd July I went over on the 5th of July and mum still was able to recognise me and speak a little. It was a great privalage in being able to help my sister care for mum and I will always be glad of the time we had together towards the end she was in a great deal of pain and whilst we are very sad at losing her we are glad she is at peace. Unfortunately whilst I was with my mum my husbands mother had a sudden heart attach and died on the 12th of July so it has been a very difficult time for us all and I was unable to return for my mother in laws funeral as my mother was being cared for in my sisters home and needed the two of us to be there. My husband and children came over for my mums funeral and it was a very emotional time for us both and the children have lost both their grandmothers within 2 weeks. I am only just back in Ireland and I know it will take time I have good and bad days and we are hoping to have a few days away so that we can have some time together.
Frances
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brainman
Site Admin
Joined: 13 Oct 2005
Posts: 3976
Location: Tennessee
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I am so sorry about your mother's death. I know how hard is was for me when my mother died. A big hug to you.
