oreo
New User
Joined: 28 Apr 2008
Posts: 1
|
 Posted: Mon Apr 28, 2008 4:23 pm Post subject: My dad is being so brave... |
 |
|
My mum died from Lung cancer 12 years ago, so unfortunately I'm quite well versed in what to expect. But each cancer is different, as each person involved. And that brings me to my dad.
My dad is a hugely private person. For the last 4 months, my sister and I have known he's got Pancreatic cancer and has been having chemo but because he's chosen not to disclose his illness to us, we've had to play dumb.
As far as I know, he developed Jaundice at the beginning of the year, and a 'blockage' (his words, not mine) was discovered and a stent was inserted. At the same time, he was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer and has since had 2 courses of chemo via a drip, although he told us he was going for a course of intravenous vitamins.
He's been slowly deteriorating and last week, he suffered a series of strokes, and is now in hospital in the stroke ward recovering. He's paralysed on the right side of his body, can hardly speak and has no control of his internal muscles or those of his extremities (his lips being most affected.)
Thankfully, because of this, his Oncolgist has confirmed that while the chemo has stopped his initial tumour from growing, it has spread to his liver and it's stage 4.
In it's own way, I'm thankful that it's all out in the open and I've been able to make my amends with him (we fell out hideously last year) but I'm worried that the stroke he's suffered will hinder his battle with cancer and he will die sooner. He's going to be in hospital for at least 3 weeks and to the best of my knowledge, no more chemo is planned.
I guess I just wanted to know if anyone else has been in this situation where their loved one ho is battling cancer has suffered a stroke, and how did it effect their survival.
I know that every day is precious and I need to spend as much time with my dad and let him know how much I love him, something I didn't do enough when my mum was dying because I just didn't think she'd die so quickly (she died 6 months after her diagnosis.)
But part of me isn't happy that his quality of life is now so poor. This is my worst case scenario. I wanted my dad to die with some dignity (which is why I think he didn't want us knowing he had cancer, he didn't want us worrying and he's very proud and will not ask us for help) but now, I can see that he's just so frustrated by this and part of me worries that he's just going to give up rather than fighting it as he's been doing these last few months.
I'm so very proud of him for being so brave in all this, for the first time in my life I can honestly say just how much I admire him.
It's strange because when I knew my mum was dying, I cried all the time because the thought of losing her was something I never thought I'd cope with (I was 21 at the time.) But with my dad, it's very different. Maybe it's because we've not been close, I'm not sure, but I'm resigned to him dying and in it's own way, he's been so miserable, unhappy and bitter since mum died that I think it's what he wants. What I'm more upset about is the effect the stroke has had on him and how he's struggling to perform even the most basic of tasks, such as taking a sip of water. And this makes me feel like a terrible person. Or maybe I'm just in shock about this, and although I know he has cancer and will die, it just hasn't hit me fully yet. I just don't know but I'm beginning to wonder if I'm so removed from this somehow because if anything, I feel happier than I have in a while. Or maybe it's relief that my dad's getting the care he needs...
So, as I said, I'm not quite sure what I want to know, but it's nice to be able to post this stuff. I post on another message board but although everyone knows me really well, I just don't feel right talking about this on there, so thank you so very much for being here so I can say all this x |
|
ksplat
Moderator
Joined: 26 Apr 2007
Posts: 345
Location: Brisbane, Australia
|
| Posted: Wed Apr 30, 2008 7:04 pm Post subject: Re: My dad is being so brave... |
|
|
Dear Oreo
Thankyou for sharing your story here. I am glad you found this forum, we are a fantastic community offering, support, advice, comfort & love & it's a good place to come & just "spill your guts"!
My Dad had a very severe stroke when he was 56 yrs young & I travelled over 4,000 km home to say my goodbyes. He lived another 16yrs after this stroke & was so committed to his rehab he eventually walked & talked again (he was given NO hope).
Remember, there is no such thing as FALSE HOPE there is only HOPE & where there's life there is always HOPE.
My prayers & thoughts are with you. From reading yr post you seem to me to be a very positive person & having now reconciled with your Father I can see you being a very positve force in his life & especially whilst he is being rehabilitated & treated for cancer.
Please keep us informed of his progress & I pray for a very positive result for your Father.
God bless you. All the best, Angie.
_________________
Brother has GBMIV
Diagnosed Feb 07
46 Yrs young!
"Without Faith We Have Nothing" |
|
Search 
Email Digests
Register to post
Profile 
Check private messages 
Log in
What is this ?
We subscribe to the HONcode principles. Verify here. All content and posts are copyright.
