Help - Pity Party going on -What about this swollen abdomen?

DulcimerGal

So - how long does it take for the swelling in my abdomen to get back to normal? Tomorrow will be 3 weeks since the surgery I had to remove the tumor and do the resection and I still feel like a beached whale.

I am finding these two things very difficult :
1. Self image with ileostomy
2. Self image of swollen abdomen and accompanying discomfort (pain)

I am having a huge Pity Party with myself today as none of my clothes fit, I am sick of wearing baggy pants and tops that cover everything up just to stay comfortable.

I've lost twenty pounds yet can't wear anything decent 'cos I have no waistline. I still can't bend over without huge discomfort, or sit for long periods as that makes my abdomen so uncomfortable........and whine whine whine and so on...........

Someone please slap me out of this. How long???? does it ever go back to normal???? I want to go back to work - but how can I looking like the Goodyear Blimp........

Losing it today........
DulcimerGal
_________________
Rectal Cancer diagnosed Valentines Day 2008
Finished 6 weeks of radiation and chemo 4/23/08
Surgery to remove tumor - June 18th
6 months Chemo to follow

Rotorhead · Regular Joined: 04 Jun 2008 Posts: 26 Location: Hawaii

Well, it's been 5 months since my surgery and I still have the appearance of a "gut roll".

Keep in mind, I have not done any strength training or ab work as I'm waiting a full 6 months to start. I do NOT want to herniate this thing and be out of commision another 6 months or more.

The reality is, they have cut through all your ab muscles and substantially weakened them. This takes time to heal, and real work to get back muscle tone. I'm fortunate as I don't have body image issues (sorry, I just don't care what other people see in me externally) or ostomy issues (I'm at peace with my permanent colostomy).

You have an ileostomy, so I assume it will eventually be reversed - and you will eventually be able to tone that tummy down, if you can commit to the workout. It will not happen automatically, but you can start during chemo with simply walking, short runs or whatever else yo can do to burn calories and stay fit. This will pay off as the more chemo you do, the less stamina and cardio you will have as the toxicity builds and it becomes hard to START a workout plan...but if you already have a routine it will be much easier, and then when the chemo is done you can ramp it up. It won't happen this month...or maybe not even this year, but it will happen if you want it to.

I also advise talking to your doc or WOC nurse (or the medical professional you feel best about) about the swelling to make sure it isn't anything other than normal stuff.

Try and work your way through the pity party - it's okay to feel like that once in a while but you MUST turn it around and envision a healthy future. Every day I envision the things I will do next year - run the marathon, windsurf around the island, surf a big swell on the North Shore...none of which I could do today, but I truly believe I will be doing these things in 2009, with my colostomy.

Hope this helps!
Aloha,
RH
_________________
Diagnosed Stage 3 rectal cancer Nov 07
6 weeks chemo/rad Dec 07/Jan 08
Surgery (TME) 11 Feb 08
6 months FOLFOX started March 08
My blog: http://rotorheadsblog.blogspot.com/

REB · Last edited by REB on Wed Jul 09, 2008 8:30 am; edited 1 time in total

I had self image problems with the colostomy. I am not sure how I would have dealt with it had it been permanent.

The surgeries have left my stomach lumpy and scarred. I used to have a flat stomach- not quite six-pack, but close. Now I wear a shirt when I swim- I don't want to freak anyone out with my scars. My colostomy scar looks like a gash in the side of my stomach. My wife says its not so bad, but it looks bad to me. Maybe I still have some self image problems.
Not much I can do about it unless I want to do plastic surgery. But I am done with surgeries for now, and I don't think insurance would cover it. So I got to learn to live with the scars. My wife said to look at them as battle scars. That makes sense- I feel like I have been through a battle.

The scars and lumpy stomach are a small price for what I been through and I am thankful I am done with chemo and the colostomy. I am thankful to be alive. So I need to throw away my vanity and self image issues. Those are petty compared to the big picture.
_________________
10/01/07 - Removal of Stage III Colon Cancer Tumor and Temporary Colostomy
Started Chemotherapy 11-07-07 - FOLFOX regimen - 5-FU (5 Flurouracil) and leucovorin, oxaliplatin. Also Avastin
Last Chemo treatment 04-09-08, Colostomy Reversal 04-28-08 Age:41

Sharon727 · Regular Joined: 23 Jun 2008 Posts: 24

I have not had surgery for colon cancer, but have had three other abdominal surgeries and it was a good 5 to 6 weeks before the belly went down...and then just enough to wear my fat pants! I am a very vain person (hard to admit) and it was hard!! But, you are alive!! The people around you don't care if you have a tummy, they are just happy to have you!! Concentrate more on the fact that the cancer is out of your body...your beautiful body that does so many amazing things every day!! Time heals all...be patient and make the most of every day! You can't lose time obsessing over a minor body flaw that you have no control over! Each day is precious! You will heal!! Do you want to look back and regret having not made the most of the days in between!! You are beautiful...bulging belly and all...because you are you!! Tell yourself that every day whether you believe it today or not and your body will respond!!

DulcimerGal

Thanks so much for the responses Rotorhead, REB and Sharon -

I so appreciate all three of your points of view, straight talking and reality checks. Of course I know how lucky I am so far, but - I am vain also - I love clothes and I've worked hard over the years to stay in shape and be healthy, I've lost so much muscle tone right now that is is depressing me.

However - it was good to hear you say that you are waiting six months before strength training your abs Rotorhead - that is sensible, and I know that working out pays off dividends over time. You are my hero! I guess if this thing was permanent I would indeed have to readjust my attitude, and heavens - if the cancer recurs - I may still end up with it permanently.

I got back on the treadmill after reading your notes gang, and walked a mile, also did some light free weights for my arms.
It made me feel better....

For the last 7 years I've run the Rock and Roll Half Marathon in Virginia Beach, I sign up each year for the next year and that is the one race I work out for. I am going to do it this year too - can you believe a whole team of folks at my workplace have signed up to push me a mile in a wheelchair as my Doc says very unlikely that I can walk the whole thing and not to try. SO at least I won't break that streak - my goal is to go 10 years. So - I am trying to stay focused on the future. They are a great group of folks and I am so looking forward to that race - it is such a Blast!

I do feel a little better today - my HR Director from work came out to see me and brought Panera for lunch, she said I look great - so SHaron - you are right - no-one but me notices - I am not a very patient person.
Thanks for your positive peptalk! I think half my problem is I won't go back to work if I can't look like my old self......

REB - it's funny about the scars - I really don't care about them - it's just fitting into clothes that gets me - my abdominal scar is pretty long, and I have the port scars and of course will get the ileostomy scar soon (Yeah!)
They are our Battle wounds!

You guys are awesome - thanks for the posts
Cheers
DulcimerGa;
_________________
Rectal Cancer diagnosed Valentines Day 2008
Finished 6 weeks of radiation and chemo 4/23/08
Surgery to remove tumor - June 18th
6 months Chemo to follow

REB

Hi DulcimerGal,

I understand how you feel. I worked hard to stay in-shape before the cancer knocked me down. I get mad at myself when I find myself complaining about my appearance. A few months a go I couldn't wait to get to this point. And then I see those who are still fighting cancer- some fighting for their life, and I feel ashamed I complained about something so vain.

I am hesitating posting the below picture, but I am hoping it might help someone who is about to go through this or going through it. Anyway, here is what the whole experience did to the outside of my body;

http://img93.imageshack.us/img93/7369/aftersurgery2aa3.jpg

Number 1 is the port. It sticks out from my chest. There is a small scar above it. This was put in about 10 months ago.

Number 2 is the main scar. This is where they cut me to remove the cancer and where they cut me again 7 month later for the reconnect. I hardly have a belly button anymore. The scar is indented in my abdomen about a quarter of an inch or so. It is about 2 months old. It goes down below my pants about another inch or so (No, I am not going to show that Very Happy

)

Number 3 is the scar where the colostomy was. It looks like a gash. Its about a quarter inch deep. Unlike the number 2 scar, this one is sharp and looks deep. for the colostomy, they had to remove some fat, so that is why it is deep. This is the scar I can't stand. And you can't see it in the picture, but there is a faint ring scar from where the bags were attached.

Anyway, this is what the experience did to the outside of my body. I hope this helps someone who is wondering what it might do to them.

I need to accept my scars, for they are a part of me now. And without the procedures that caused those scar I would have died. So my body without those scars would be a dead one.

I think I look better than I did before all the surgeries. The cancer had caused me to loose about 20 pounds from my normal weight I am at now. I was also very anemic.
_________________
10/01/07 - Removal of Stage III Colon Cancer Tumor and Temporary Colostomy
Started Chemotherapy 11-07-07 - FOLFOX regimen - 5-FU (5 Flurouracil) and leucovorin, oxaliplatin. Also Avastin
Last Chemo treatment 04-09-08, Colostomy Reversal 04-28-08 Age:41

DulcimerGal

REB - THANKS FOR POSTING!!!

Listen to your wife - those scars do not look as bad as you think. Keep the shirt off when swimming!!

My ab scar looks a lot like yours - I'm encouraged because it looks like your stomach is pretty flat so thanks for posting the pics! That gives me hope that the swollen belly look will go down. Are you saying they opened you up twice in the same place? Were you swollen back when you had the surgery? That sounds like even more potential for swelling.

As for the colostomy scar - yes - that is a funny dent but that is your most recent surgery - so it will probably improve - I WANT THAT SCAR!!!

It looks like your clothes fit just fine - that is my goal......SO - thanks so much for posting the pic - my scars look so similar it is good to know they are not that different and that there is hope for getting back into regular fitting jeans.

Be proud, you look great and VERY ALIVE - and I am telling myself the SAME THING!!

Pity party - BE GONE!
Cheers
DulcimerGal
_________________
Rectal Cancer diagnosed Valentines Day 2008
Finished 6 weeks of radiation and chemo 4/23/08
Surgery to remove tumor - June 18th
6 months Chemo to follow

REB

Thank you for the encouragement, DulcimerGal

Yes, they cut me in the same place twice and I had some swelling that has gone down. It has gotten flatter since the last surgery. Also, I think at least with the colostomy, my colon was all bunch up under where it was attached to my abdomen, which caused it to bulge some.

Here is another shot a little more from the side so you can see the indention in my abdomen. It does look like the swelling has gone down to almost normal.

http://img145.imageshack.us/img145/1710/aftersurgery1wy6.jpg

I have been doing a little exercise- nothing like I did before. I have even tried a few stomach crunches, but I am still sore down there. Mainly I have just been staying active.

Your cloths will start to fit better, especially once the bag is gone. I did have to buy some looser jeans even thou I weigh a few pounds less than when I wore my old jeans. Between the swelling and the sourness I had to go up an inch in my waist. I am starting to get where I can wear the old jeans again.

You will recover and be back in your old cloths in no time.
_________________
10/01/07 - Removal of Stage III Colon Cancer Tumor and Temporary Colostomy
Started Chemotherapy 11-07-07 - FOLFOX regimen - 5-FU (5 Flurouracil) and leucovorin, oxaliplatin. Also Avastin
Last Chemo treatment 04-09-08, Colostomy Reversal 04-28-08 Age:41

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