So hard.....so fast.

karenh · New User Joined: 21 Oct 2008 Posts: 1

I've been reading this forum since my dad's diagnosis on September 24th. This is one heck of a sneaky disease, he had mets to his liver by the time it was found...He passed away yesterday in the comfort of his home with my two sisters by his side. Dad was 79 years old, a very big man.. in body mass, heart and spirit, he will be missed. He tried a little chemo to no avail, if anything it may have made him worse, or perhaps it was the nature of the beast. My mom passed away 21 years ago this past Oct 10th from small cell lung cancer at age 50, so I felt kinda gypped that she never got to see my lovely daughter grow up or meet her fabulous grandsons whom my dad cherished...Dad is with mom now, he never stopped missing her or talking about her so he kept her memory alive within us.

Please excuse my pity party but I feel like I'm an orphan now. A 50 year old orphan I really need to get over myself. Embarassed

I had been with dad the night before, a marathon of no sleep, vials of morphine, ativan, oxygen....We actually had a good belly laugh as my sister and I were slap-happy from sleep deprivation. When I saw him last he was laying with his hands behind his head with his legs crossed in total comfort ( thank goodness for morphine ) he actually looked like he was laying in his hammock so I thank my lucky stars that I have this memory to overshadow the horror and vicious nature that pancreatic cancer can bring.

I don't know how any of you venture into this experience alone, I'm so grateful for my family as we held one another up during this traumatic experience....and many times it was that...traumatic. And a few times things got heated with my siblings, but we pulled together in a unity when it counted the most.

Wanted to thank you all for sharing your experiences as I had learned much, wishing you all peace, comfort and fortitude.

Karen

brainman · Posted: Wed Oct 22, 2008 11:02 am Post subject: Re: So hard.....so fast.

Oh Karen, I don't know you and yet as I read your story my eyes fill with tears Sad

. I am so sorry about your father's death of this terrible disease. I did not hear a "pity party" just a woman grieving about the death of a very beloved father. YES, you are an orphan. It does not matter that you are 50. I was 52 when my father died so I too am an orphan. Allow yourself the right to grieve. Everyone has that right so be kind to yourself.

It sounds like you have a loving and supportive family. I too have a loving family although none of them live close to me (I live in my father's house). We too pulled together. But day to day, I am alone. Through my experience, I have learned that to a point we all grieve in our own ways, at our own time. That does mean that to a point we each grieve alone... no one else can truly understand how we are feeling.

Boy, that is depressing Laughing

Karen, you are in my thoughts and prayers and heart.
_________________
Jim
Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendroglioma grade 3, same location.
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=2405
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My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
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