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wannaknow
Senior User
Joined: 19 Oct 2007
Posts: 118
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 Posted: Thu Mar 26, 2009 7:35 pm Post subject: Another End |
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Spoiler - for those patients & caregivers still battling - you might want to skip this one.
My Mom passed away peacefully (or maybe just wiped out) Tues 3/24 at 9:45pm at home. I was glad to be right by the side of the woman who gave me life.
I will not detail the events & images from the last month of her life but needless to say it was not a Norman Rockwell version of a soft landing.
At least, the last week was less stressful in some ways & we had some special moments together as she prepared to leave. One of the best ones was when she woke up about two days before and said "when am i really going to leave" - I told her if I knew that I would be winning the Lottery every week.
From a caregiver point of view, I experienced what many have already detailed during this time, stress & frustration watching someone you love suffering to no end and slowly slipping away. But that pales in comparison to what it must feel like to be the patient. I cannot even imagine.
At the end, you are torn between the loss vs the end of suffering.
I cannot stop feeling how unfair it is to suffer thru the operation & treatments without any tangible reward or benefit. All that precious time lost to "treatments" that don't make a difference in the end.
The cancer organizations raising billions over the years should be in jail for fraud.
Stats which hardly reflect the courage, pain and battle:
82+ yr Female
Cancer detected summer '07
80% Resection & spleen removal - 9/07
Chemo & radiation - Nov/Dec - '07
Pneumonia Hospitalization - 12/07
Cardiologist suggests Living your life
Chemo/Radiation discontinued
Cancer returns - 8/08
Chemo begins - 10/08
TIA Hospitalization - 10/08
Palliative Dr suggests - Living instead Chemo
Chemo resumes 11/08
Side effects rage
Chemo ends 1/28/09
CT Scan still detects growths 1/30/09
Chemo - Mom decides to stop
Slow recovery & then weakness
Condition worsens - 2/09
Hospitalized 2/25/09
Hospice at Home 3/3/09
Dead 3/24/09
Last edited by wannaknow on Fri Mar 27, 2009 8:15 am; edited 2 times in total |
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brainman
Site Admin
Joined: 13 Oct 2005
Posts: 5613
Location: Tennessee
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Adagio7780
Senior User
Joined: 09 Jan 2009
Posts: 111
Location: Charlotte, NC
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| Posted: Fri Mar 27, 2009 8:06 am Post subject: Re: Another End |
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wannaknow, you are also in my thoughts and prayers. I know from your posts that you had your mom's best interests at heart from the first diagnosis of this disease and well before that. Bless you as you move forward from this time into a future filled with happy memories of you mom.
_________________
Man tracht, Got lacht (Man plans, God laughs) |
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wannaknow
Senior User
Joined: 19 Oct 2007
Posts: 118
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| Posted: Fri Mar 27, 2009 8:14 am Post subject: thank you |
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brainman:
I should have included a THANKS to You for all the support and sober advice of all sorts to participants.
To All:
Participating on the forum has been comforting, educational and thought provoking just to name a few.
To those Patients still battling - I wish You all the best but also suggest that You grab precious time during your treatment for fun & if the cancer does not respond to treatment - then spend your time having fun vs long shot treatment - watch the Bucket List movie asap
To The Caregivers:
You play an important role but one with such different challenges than the patient. It's a delicate balancing act to be intimately involved with all the details however needing to help lift the patient's spirit while not succumbing to the pressures & realities. Seek outlets, assistance and just plain fun.
Wishing You all the Best |
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wannaknow
Senior User
Joined: 19 Oct 2007
Posts: 118
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| Posted: Fri Mar 27, 2009 8:22 am Post subject: Thanks |
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A7780:
Thanks for kind words.
The transition has been surreal but I'm comforted that my Mom is not suffering any longer.
Yes, I have lots of great memories and a life of Love from my Mom to replace the "ugly" stuff - it's just a matter of getting the "images & sounds" in place while I discard the "others". |
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starseed
Experienced user
Joined: 06 Sep 2006
Posts: 51
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| Posted: Fri Mar 27, 2009 12:43 pm Post subject: Re: Another End |
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I'm going to say congratulations to both of you.
They say celebrate those who die and cry for those who are born.
I'm sure mom is now healing from where she is.
Now it's time for you to heal.
You have helped me a ton.
Thank You w/ XOXOX |
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Sherry
Regular
Joined: 30 Dec 2008
Posts: 45
Location: Missouri
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| Posted: Fri Mar 27, 2009 1:57 pm Post subject: Re: Another End |
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| wannaknow, I'm so sorry for your loss. As a caregiver and losing a loved one I know what you're feeling. You have been so good with your posting describing every detail that happens. You have given a lot of people a lot of information that I hope will help them. I hope this doesn't mean you will quit posting. Your input and great attitude has been a blessing to me and I'm sure many others. My thoughts and prayer are with you and your family. |
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wannaknow
Senior User
Joined: 19 Oct 2007
Posts: 118
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| Posted: Sat Mar 28, 2009 10:41 pm Post subject: Thanks Gang |
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SS - You got it exactly right = Time to Heal......it will take a while but I'll get there. I flew home today for a little ME time before I head back and start taking care of the "stuff" in settling her affairs.
I definitely agree with your Celebration comment - we did not have a funeral and will not have a "memorial" it will be a Celebration(s) - the exact format to be decided.
Thanks for your encouragement & support
Sherry - You know exactly what it is like even though each experience is unique. Thanks for the support & kind words. I'll keep posting as I think of things that hopefully can help someone.
Just paying it forward for all the info & support I was able to obtain here. |
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Hopefullness
Regular
Joined: 01 Oct 2008
Posts: 16
Location: West Palm Beach, FL
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| Posted: Sat Apr 04, 2009 9:18 pm Post subject: Re: Another End |
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im so sorry.....im dealing with the whole process of losing my mother to....2 days after you lost yours.....you seem to be in a better place than i am, but im doing my best to get there
my condolences |
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wannaknow
Senior User
Joined: 19 Oct 2007
Posts: 118
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| Posted: Sun Apr 05, 2009 7:14 pm Post subject: Thanks - same to You |
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H:
Thanks so much for your wishes and condolences to You and Your family
Better Place - not sure where that is........but I do try to focus on the Celebration of the Life rather than the pain of the death. It's hard to get past some of the images ..........I'm also tied up now in closing out affairs which can't wait or allow for extended inaction.
So One Day at a time + try to remember all the good times and special moments in hope that in time they will erase the tears.
All the Best |
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wannaknow
Senior User
Joined: 19 Oct 2007
Posts: 118
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| Posted: Fri May 08, 2009 11:33 pm Post subject: Update |
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Well gang, it's been 6 weeks since my Mom passed. We had her Celebration last week & the whole program was based on honoring the Life she led and the people she influenced + loved.
So bright colors, balloons, good music, good food/drink, cakes/champagne etc - reflecting her style & what she would enjoy & expect. I had not planned that type of event in a long time & I was certainly rusty + in a city I do not live in so identifying sources was time consuming. I did most myself because others had too many counter ideas or were too consumed with grief. The event itself seemed to go well although it was a blur (knew that going in) for me with all the greeting & making sure things moved along.
We never really talked about what she wanted except she told me that it should be small & she used the word funeral which I absolutely ignored even as the word came out of her mouth. It was small - about 50 people but a truly representative cross section of her life and closest.
Don't understand how people can go on & on about how great a person is, how they lived such a great life and then want to dress up in black and just cry......but that's just me. Gotta Celebrate wonderful lives.
Now it truly feels weird. Like you can hear a pin drop. It's has been months of non-stop activity & it's all over.
At the same time I have working on estate matters. Identifying the right attorney ahead of time is very important.....don't ask how I know that.
I'm back home taking a long overdue break before going back to continue with estate matters and empty out her home. Lots of reflections, flashbacks & random thoughts..........not sure they would make sense to anyone except maybe others who have gone through it.......I know I'm just one in a long line & everyone's experience is unique.
If I can add something from the experience I will or just ask if you have a specific question. |
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brainman
Site Admin
Joined: 13 Oct 2005
Posts: 5613
Location: Tennessee
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wannaknow
Senior User
Joined: 19 Oct 2007
Posts: 118
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| Posted: Sat May 09, 2009 8:54 pm Post subject: Yeah, I guess |
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brainman:
Thanks so much & I'll take the hugs.
Funny, there was a TV show on celebrating Mothers the other day & I quickly turned it off. Since the celebration just happened - Mother's Day & her Birthday is next week.........so I might have to hide out for awhile - HA...........nope just keep Celebrating in my own way. 
I'll wait until tomorrow to see how I feel............  |
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icedyaria
Regular
Joined: 24 Oct 2008
Posts: 22
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| Posted: Sun May 10, 2009 6:06 pm Post subject: Re: Another End |
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oh dear, i just realise how utterly insensitive i have been. you have been answering my questions for a while now and i never really checked out your own situation. i am so very very sorry for your loss and would like to apologise that i hadn't realise that you had lost your mother between two of my posts.
i think it's a lovely idea to celebrate a person's life rather than just to commemorate their death. i hope you are coping with your loss and thank you very much for continuing to be on this forum.
you are very helpful indeed and i thank you for your advice and information.
very many thanks,
yaria |
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wannaknow
Senior User
Joined: 19 Oct 2007
Posts: 118
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| Posted: Sun May 10, 2009 8:44 pm Post subject: Not at all |
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icedyaria:
No insensitivity at all.
We are all linked together some way or another. As said before, the forum has been supportive & instructive for me - so I'm just paying it forward in hopes that a small piece of info might help in some way.
Let's let this post sink down so we can get back to everyone else. |
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. You are still in my thoughts and prayers.