help!! i just found out my dad has stage 4 lung cancer

lisaw · New User Joined: 29 Sep 2009 Posts: 5

Hi everyone. I have been looking at this site for a bit expecting to hear the worst and now I have. Actually its been a few weeks but it still feels like I found out today.

I'm sorry if this is long but I need to tell my story. Last spring my father who is 63 got pneumonia. He was very very sick could not eat and lost tons of weight. He just laid on the couch and slept. I kept asking if it was something more but they kept saying no he will get better.

About 2 months later he seemed a bit better but still had a horrible cough. He has had that for years ... Bad smokers cough. Well he found out he had fluid on one lung. The doctor said it would go away. Well I didn't see them for a couple months but when we talked on the phone he said he was feeling better.

Well at the end of July and all of August I could never reach them. When I finally got my mom she said they are always gone for tests for my dad but she wouldn't say what. I kept calling every couple days and she said it wasn't good but said he had to tell me. Right away I was so scared. This went on for a couple weeks.

I went over but he wasn't home so my mom told me that my brother knew what was going on and if he didn't tell me that weekend then she would. I went over and waited for him to get home to tell me. He did and he was very quiet about it. Would not talk much. Ever since whenever I talk to my mom I have questions but they don't seem to get answered.

The latest I heard was that it is in one lung and just a little in the other. That's all I heard my dad is away for 5 weeks getting radiation because apparently the doctor thought that would help enough. If it doesn't then he has to go for chemotherapy. I have talked to him a couple times a week and he sounds good. Says he just gets out of breath very fast and tired some times. He is always out walking too as he is bored where he has to stay and his appetite is very good.

The doctor said hopefully 2 - 3 years. He sounds good now but I am very scared from what I read. Why would the doctor sound so optomistic if that's not close to reality? I am just very scared for my dad I don't want him to suffer too much and I want him to be here a lot longer than 2or 3 years.

I am very very sad and just don't know how to cope with this. Any advice would be so helpful right now. Thanks for reading -

Don · Posted: Wed Sep 30, 2009 5:46 pm Post subject: Just Some Thoughts

Hi, I just want to say that I am sorry to hear about your father...my thoughts and prayers are with you.

I am certainly not an expert on Lung Cancer, but my Mother just died two weeks ago from Small Cell Lung Cancer, so I know just enough to "make myself dangerous".

You did not say what kind he has. There is Small Cell, which progresses very fast but responds very well to chemo...for a while; then there is Non Small Cell Lung Cancer, which does not progress as rapidly but takes some tough chemo to get into check. There should have been some kind of biopsy to determine which kind he has.

How much time does he have left? Well, you said he was in Stage IV, but did not say where the cancer has metastisized to. I imagine that they did some kind of CT scan to determine that. While I am not a Doctor, I would think the extent of the cancer's spread would be a prognostic indicator.

My advice, based on personal experience, is to spend as much time with him as you can and keep him out doing things he enjoys.

Good luck and God Bless. DonB
_________________
Don B
Dec 07 Dx Follicular NHL, Grade I (Indolent)
Stage IIIA - No Symptoms
Watch and Wait - 6 Month Checks
Jan 09 Scan shows Progression - no symptoms
May 18, 09 - Started R-CVP
After Third Round, CT scan showed some tumor shrinkage
July 31,09 - Completed 6 Rounds R-CVP

dano

Welcome Lisa;
Don's advise is pretty good to follow, Your in a bad way for getting your information, it seems they are not willing to give you the facts. Part of that is understandable because if you have not been around it before it is a shock for several months and it is hard to comprehend. I think if you stay close and share a lot of time with them you will find the info to know what is going on. The use of radiation at this time to me means good things, if they said 2-3 years thats a good thing, hard to say that if he had Small Cell, So my guess would be he had NSCLC, like my self. The doctors are normally really bad about guessing time lines, many wont try guessing, they will be wrong 99% of the time. I don't think they would do the radiation unless they were positive about a good out come and the cancer has not spread as much as mine, and I was diagnosed almost 2 years ago. With your dad having a bad cough I say this, Have them check for blood clots in the lungs. I was never a smoker, but had problems having long bouts with coughing. When I went to the doc for coughing 6 months before I was diagnosed with cancer, they didn't believe it was cancer, after the diagnose we though the coughing was due to the cancer, mind you I had x-rays and CT's, MRI's and a Pet scan, but then they were not looking for blood clots. An oncologist thought to look for them there after I got a clot in my leg. This was a major find and life changing, I was given a blood thinner to help and that turned my life around in about 4 days. Coughing stopped, weight loss stopped, and I started to sleep all night. It is amazing how some doctors just go with the flow and don't apply themselves.
Good luck with your loved ones.
Dan
_________________
55 year old male, Diagnosed Nov. 9,2007 with NSCLC IV with Mets to the lymph's and brain
Had full brain radiation treatment in Jan 08 treatments now every 4 weeks with Alimta, stopped taking Lovenox for blood clots, Now working full time
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=9993

tracymarsh · Regular Joined: 01 Oct 2009 Posts: 17

hi everyone, not sure how to use these sites, my first time but have been looking through cancer related web pages for information and came across.

my mum was diagnosed with secondary lung cancer 6 weeks ago and the prognosis given was approx 8 weeks, i feel very nervous of whats ahead and how to deal with this as she is living with me and my kids full time . i feeli am now going into the unknown and that panics me a little, can anybody tell me what stages i can expect, i feel if i understood what happens then i would be able to deal more with situations as they arise, main question i have is , can things change very quickly or will it be a gradual decline?

tracymarsh · Regular Joined: 01 Oct 2009 Posts: 17

[quote="tracymarsh"]hi everyone, not sure how to use these sites, my first time but have been looking through cancer related web pages for information and came across.

my mum was diagnosed with secondary lung cancer 6 weeks ago and the prognosis given was approx 8 weeks, i feel very nervous of whats ahead and how to deal with this as she is living with me and my kids full time . i feeli am now going into the unknown and that panics me a little, can anybody tell me what stages i can expect, i feel if i understood what happens then i would be able to deal more with situations as they arise, main question i have is , can things change very quickly or will it be a gradual decline?[/quote] she is having what they call pallitive care, which they say isnt treatment just to make her as comfortable as posible

Don · Posted: Thu Oct 01, 2009 2:07 pm Post subject: To Tracy

Sorry to hear that you are going through this. My prayers are with you.

If you say my reply earlier in this thread, I mentioned that my Mother died two weeks ago from Small Cell Lung Cancer after being diagnosed in late March.

If you say that your mother has secondary lung cancer, do you mean that it has metastisized from somewhere else, or is it primary lung cancer? Since each cancer behaves differently, I would think the type of cancer would determine whether your Mom will progress steadily downhill or make several sudden "drops" till the end.

In my experience with Small Cell Lung Cancer, there will be several steep "declines" and then it's over.

If she is already receiving pallative care from hospice, I suppose, then you should be making sure her affairs are in order. My brothers and I thought that there would be a steady downhill progression, thus we thought that there would be time to bring up some things with her...but such was not the case. It was over before we knew it.

Good luck and God Bless. Don B
_________________
Don B
Dec 07 Dx Follicular NHL, Grade I (Indolent)
Stage IIIA - No Symptoms
Watch and Wait - 6 Month Checks
Jan 09 Scan shows Progression - no symptoms
May 18, 09 - Started R-CVP
After Third Round, CT scan showed some tumor shrinkage
July 31,09 - Completed 6 Rounds R-CVP

tracymarsh · Regular Joined: 01 Oct 2009 Posts: 17

Many thanks for your reply and care. Not sure what the metastisize is???? at the moment we have a dorothy house man that visits from the hospice with help. and on all the medical notes here it states pallitive care?
Spoke to the clinic yesterday to try and get some ideas on my fears, they seem to think she will decline slowly, but will be steep declines if she catches a cold or virus of any kind. yesterday i noticed she had a blister on her finger that was bleeding, left it as i thought to let it dry out but this has now started to spread on her arm, have called fro a nurse to come in and check it out. Feel very panicky every time i noticed something new happening. So sorry about your mum, it helps very much to speak to people that hve been through this terrible ordeal, i think you are able to get more insight into things with people that have that experience and understand better than from doctors.

lisaw · New User Joined: 29 Sep 2009 Posts: 5

Thank you for your responses. No I don't seem to be getting enough information to really know and understand what is going on. I haven't been on here for a few days as my father just finished his 5 weeks of radiation and us now home for a rest. He seemed well until this last week. He is so tired now he can't stay awake at all. Next stop is chemotherapy. Don't know his schedule. He doesn't know it yet either. Doctor is to call him with it this week. I'm not sure if it is such a good idea after all I have read but it is his decision. Will keep everyone posted.

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