help me help friend

aaliyah · New User Joined: 28 Feb 2006 Posts: 1

My dear friend has been fighting bowel cancer for over 3 years now. 12 months ago we are told it has metasised in her liver and now it is in her lungs. Chemo treatment stopped about 2 months ago. Her blood count is now at 355.Thesse levels even though I dont quite understand them are doubling on a fortnightly basis. All through her treatment I have tried to be extremely positive and have been her emotional support. Her family have buried their heads in the sand. Its almost as if nothing is going on but I spose we all cope in different ways. Her dr saw her yesterday and basically does not know where to go from here. he will see her again in 2 weeks after he meets with the liver board.. Meanwhile my positive attitiude is slowly fading. For the first time during this ordeal I am at a loss for positive things to do and say. My strength is weakening and I really need some advice on what to say to my friend. She is losing her will to fight and I dont know how to handle this except wipe her tears, cuddle and love herwith all my heart and soul. Any help from out there would be tremendous. thankyou

brainman · Posted: Tue Feb 28, 2006 11:37 pm Post subject: Re: help me help friend

Aaliyah, first, let me say how sorry I am for you and for your friend.

Not being a doctor and not having a clear idea of the type of cancer your friend has makes it difficult to give you any advice. However, from what you say, I know that your friend need a friend… someone who will not “burry their heads in the sand.” It is not easy to be the kind of a friend our friend needs. I do not know what the reality of her condition is. She probably doesn’t either. To stay in that uncertainty with someone requires a lot of courage and love. You will also need support… friends who are willing to stay by you (maybe not physically but emotionally) through this time.

Your friend does not need another cheerleader. It sounds like her family is providing enough of that. And “remaining positive” does not mean being a cheerleader all the time. Sometimes it means the willingness to talk about the “what ifs” of a cancer that has metastasized. I have faced death twice. The friends I most remember are not the ones who told me “everything will be alright.” The friends that jump to mind when I think of those times are the friends who quietly listened to me as I talked about my fears, about those things I still wished I could do, about how much I would miss my children…. They too may not have known what to say. But they stayed with me.

Stay with your friend… if not physically, then emotionally.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

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