My mother

Angel in KY · Posted: Sun Nov 06, 2005 1:19 am Post subject: My mother

Hello, my name is Angel and I just found out about a week and a half ago that my mom has cancer. It is in her bile duct and her pancreas. The only way we found out is that she was getting jaundice really bad and her stomach was hurting. Finally, her family DR got her into the hospital and had all the tests done.. She is now going to have surgery on Wednesday, but the pain is so bad and the only thing she wants to do is sleep. It is so hard on my family because she went thru a divorce about 6 years ago and now I am doing the same. I have one son who is 9 yrs old and an older sister.

My mother is a breast cancer survivor of 11 years now and was told this is another primary cancer that was found. However, her sister passed away about 3 years ago of the same thing. I am praying that we have caught this in time, I do not want to see her go thru the same thing that my aunt did.

She was released from the hospital on Wednesday (they put a temp stint in her bile duct to help the fluids leave her body). Today, it was really hard, we had family from the country come up to see her before her surgery. Please keep my momma in your prayers as we need all of them at this time of need.

I just found this site and I feel it is a wonderful discussion board for people to talk about this horrible fight that either we have went thru or one of our love ones are going thru it. I just wish I can take her pain away with the cancer. I hate seeing my momma in so much pain and so tired.

Sincerely

Angel

Lana8 · Posted: Mon Nov 07, 2005 6:45 pm Post subject: Re: My mother

Angel,
I will keep you and your mother in my prayers. I just lost my twin sister in June do to this disease. God be with you all.
Lana

Angel in KY · Posted: Wed Nov 09, 2005 8:51 pm Post subject: Thank you

I really appreciate the prayers. The surgeon went in today and just closed her back up. He said that it is in her lymph nodes and also the pancreas. The best thing for her is chemo, I doubt my Mom will go thru with this. She has said several times that she will not go thru with chemo if the MD's could not do anything. Now, the best medicine is a whole lot of prayers. The Lord does heal and make miracles!!

I am so sorry about your loss that you have had, I know it had to be hard to see this first hand.

Thank you for your response.

Angel

brainman · Posted: Thu Nov 10, 2005 12:22 am Post subject: Re: My mother

Angel, I am so sorry that the docs were unable to remove the cancer surgically. I encourage you and your mother to talk with her MD with an open mind toward chemo. After that, then she can make an informed decision.

I am a 13 years survivor of brain cancer. I will be going to surgery Monday Nov 14 because because it came back. The first time I opted for chemo only. What can I say? It did give me 13 years. Now, it is more aggressive so I have opted for surgery this time. But I listened to my MDs and read all I could before making any of these decisions. It is amazing the advances in oncology over the last 13 years. If after talking with talking with her doctors and doing whatever other research she can your mother still does not want chemo, then at least it was been a decision based on all available info.
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Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

rob1234 · New User Joined: 14 Nov 2005 Posts: 7

Hi,
Its been awhile since your last post so I hope everything is going okay. Im right there with you. My mom went in the hospital because of stomach pains and they thought it was an abces and said it needed to be removed, but it was cancer in her liver, they removed it after a 12 hr surgery and after 40 days in the intensive care, she died with her family around her. We buried her on nov 12th. She was only 61. One minute she was there and okay and now shes gone. Everyday i question myself whether we should have done the surgery and just close her up, she would still be here, but they said she would have died soon.. and if we didnt try the surgery and she did die we would be more heartbroken. The pain of her attempted recovery and now her loss is intense and life is very empty, but I just try to go on. Just be with her as much as you can now. God bless.
Rob

rob1234 · New User Joined: 14 Nov 2005 Posts: 7

Hi,
Its been awhile since your last post so I hope everything is going okay. Im right there with you. My mom went in the hospital because of stomach pains and they thought it was an abces and said it needed to be removed, but it was cancer in her liver, they removed it after a 12 hr surgery and after 40 days in the intensive care, she died with her family around her. We buried her on nov 12th. She was only 61. One minute she was there and okay and now shes gone. Everyday i question myself whether we should have done the surgery and just close her up, she would still be here, but they said she would have died soon.. and if we didnt try the surgery and she did die we would be more heartbroken. The pain of her attempted recovery and now her loss is intense and life is very empty, but I just try to go on. Just be with her as much as you can now. God bless.
Rob

MarkS · Posted: Sun Dec 04, 2005 11:03 am Post subject: Re: My mother

<<Everyday i question myself whether we should have done the surgery and just close her up, she would still be here>>

Rob,
You don't know that. If they hadn't done the surgery then you'd be thinking they should have done it. I'm sorry your Mom died but the truth is that she had cancer, it was terminal, and she was going to die regardless of what was done or wasn't done. You have to accept that and stop second-guessing yourself. I'm sorry if I seem cold. I'm not. I really feel for you, but you have to deal with reality or you won't find peace, friend. You'll drive yourself crazy with "what if's" and "if only's".
Even if it might have made a difference (which I highly doubt in your mother's case) what's done is done and can't be changed. Everyone did what they thought was best at the time, including you.

Your advice to Angel to spend as much time as possible with her mother is excellent. Sometimes that's all we can do.

Take care and God bless both of you.
Mark
_________________
When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

speeding_ticket_info · Posted: Thu Dec 15, 2005 11:07 pm Post subject: Re: My mother

Amen Mark!

Sorry to hear the bad news Angel. I hope your mother considers chemo. Whether she decides to go for chemo or not, at least you won't be second guessing if there is at least some consideration made about it. My dad has bone marrow cancer. It appears to be terminal, 3 to 6 months. We just found out, so I'm hoping he fights it as long as he can. But, I'll live with whatever he decides. It's his decision to make.

Not to be mean or snide, but about prayer... there's a joke I remember...

John is in a flood. The city calls out on PAs for everyone to evacuate with what belongings they can pack up. John says "Not me. God will provide." A day later, the water is rising up to the doorsteps. The city sent out ATVs and they used loudspeakers saying "Take what you can carry and we'll help you get out." John says "God is my sheperd. He will save me."
12 hours later, the water is knee deep. The police come by door to door in a row boat. "hop in and grab a few photos or cherished items and we'll get you to safety." John says "Nope. God provides miracles. I'll be fine".
6 more hours, the water is up to the roof. Jonh is standing on the roof. A helicopter comes to take John to safety. They yell down "Grap the rope, we'll fly you to the shelter."
John still refuses, he screams up to the chopper "God is all-powerful. He wil provide me a miracle." Ten minutes later, John walks up to the Golden Arch and sees Saint Peter.
"Peter! Why am I dead and up here? God was supposed to save me!"
Peter looks at John and says "Hey, you got told by a PA, and then had a truck, a row boat, and even a helicopter come by. What, is God supposed to come down there Himself just for you? If He wouldn't save His OWN son from the cross, why would he bother with you?"

God doesn't work that way. You can have faith in God. But when it comes right down to it... you have to do the dirty work yourself. God only judges you. He doesn't love you. He doesn't care about you. He doesn't take an interest in you personally. His only desire is that you praise him eternally... or get banished if you don't.

Anyways, I hope your mother fights all the way. Cherish every moment you can with her. But, don't wait on a miracle. Gambling might be fine for entertainment, but not for betting on a life. If you get a miracle, then praise God and pass the plate. If you don't, take what you can get. Enjoy the time you have left as much as you can. That's what I'm planning to do with my dad. If we get a miracle, great. If not, I'm planning to squeeze in as much quality time with my dad as I can. God will wait. And if He comes down in the meantime, then so much the better.
_________________
Speeding tickets suck. Cancer kills. And I REALLY hate them both.

missumom · Experienced user Joined: 05 Jan 2006 Posts: 65

Hi Angel,

My mom recently passed away in October 2005. She was 65. She complained of indigestion/heartburn symptoms and back pain. She was diagnosed with liver, gallbladder and pancreatic cancer. The day after she was admitted to the hospital, she became jaundice. The doctor tried to put a stent but was unsuccessful because the cancer surrounded and tightened the bile ducts. The doctor also said that surgery was not an option because my mom would probably not make it through. The only hope she had was chemo. My mom accepted her illness and fought it all the way. I have never seen her so brave.

She lasted two chemo treatments. The first chemo session, she was vomitting for two and half days continuously (she hardly slept for 48 hours). The second chemo treatment didn't make her so nauseous, but weakened her. After each chemo, we noticed that her pain increased tremendously and she required additional doses of morphine which made her sleep and very groggy.

She began having difficulty breathing and complained of chest tightness. The doctor diagnosed this condition as angina and prescribed baby aspirin and a blood thinner. She also had a blood transfusion. After the blood transfusion, she regained some strength, but was shortlived. Her pain increased and so did her morphine doses. She slipped into a semi-comatose state and passed away with her family by her side.

My mom spent a month in the hospital and during that time, she was never left alone. We took turns taking care of her 24/7. We didn't know that she would leave us so quickly. The doctors gave her one week to eight months to live. I think we were all hoping that she would surpass the time given.

Pancreatic cancer is very hard to detect because it's symptoms are general -- indigestion, heartburn, stomach pains and backache. The pain becomes severe at the later stages of the cancer when it is impossible to treat. The best way to detect pancreatic cancer is through a CAT scan and if detected early, there's a high chance of survival. Pancreatic cancer is a silent killer that needs to be studied more because it has become the fourth leading cancer deaths in the world.

I hope that one day, we find a cure so that no one will have to lose their life to this illness.

May God be with you...

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