The End

Big Sister · Experienced user Joined: 02 Nov 2006 Posts: 68

Since I've been reading and writing on this forum, many people have come seeking absolute information about "the end" of a patient's life. The question seems easy but the answers are not.

First, we don't know how long anyone has on this earth. That's up to a Higher Power. Perhaps that's not really the question you're asking. Your question may indeed be "How long should my mother suffer?" Or "How long does my father have to endure this?"

If you first acknowledge that any answer offered here is limited to one mortal advising another, based on very limited experience, I would say the following:

The dying process is at once slow but rapid. Changes in the body are steady and occur all too fast. Pancreatic cancer patients cannot take in food to any great degree as the entire digestive system is affected. Without food or liquid the body begins to shut down. Muscles turn soft, the patient sleeps a lot, pain begins and then accelerates. Pain medications are given and these increase sleep and lethargy. Sometimes there is steady vomiting or steady diarrhea; sometimes both at once. If the bile duct is plugged, the skin and eyes turn yellow with or without the insertion of a stent. Sometimes the skin itches or the patient begins to hiccup incessantly. Sometimes all of the above - together.

Because the symptoms never let up, the patient changes from fighting the disease to accepting what's happening and just wants it done. Loved ones see weight dropping fast, often, as in my brother's case, from 280 pounds to a death weight of 175 - in just 8 weeks.

We human beings do not die easily.There is simply too much tissue, bone and blood to make the final transition easy. The last few days can vary but clearly there are serious bodily changes occurring, ones which I cannot and will not describe here or anywhere. Suffice it to say that the patient does not "go gently into that good night," as the poets like to say. It's a really rough trip for both the ailing one and the watchers. The good news is that the final hours are intense but short.

Although I felt and still feel that we were all robbed of a wonderful man, too fast and too soon, I could not wish him to remain with us under those circumstances; I know that my brother's beautiful soul is at peace and that he is suffering no longer.

You ask questions about the end so you can prepare yourselves. "What can we expect?" is the question I asked over and over. There was never any answer. There is really no preparation for death except to know it's inevitable, and then concentrate on the practical things which must be done in order to make transition easier, things like money, wills, property, last wishes, insurances, etc. Not crass or cold but necessary so that grief is not increased because of chaos.

My heart goes out to you as you watch your loved ones begin their final trips. Is it easier to deal with than a heart attack or a car wreck that takes them - boom? I don't really know. It's hell for sure on the watchers; I hope I measured up to the task. Good luck and blessings on you.

Big Sister

freeio · Posted: Tue Jan 16, 2007 5:05 pm Post subject: For the caretakers

For those of us who are pancreatic cancer patients, we are well aware of the pain that it causes to those all around us. Unfortunately, this is not on option we get to choose or decline. As I have told my Sunday School class, the one good thing about it is that at least it is “merely” a total body failure, and not a moral failing.

While I am doing exceptionally well right now, two and a half years after diagnosis, I know full well that changes come suddenly. One week things are gong well, and the next week it can all fall apart. I remember when my mom was recovering from cancer, the visiting nurse gave her the shots in the wrong order and she fell into a diabetic coma and died the same day. We really do not know what is going to happen today, let alone tomorrow or the next day.

Last March I was hospitalized for a week at UAB Hospital (Birmingham, Alabama) for complications of pancreatic cancer and found myself on the same floor as a good friend who had undergone a Whipple procedure six weeks before, and never recovered. She died while I was there, and the end was very hard. Her husband came in and cried on our shoulders, as we were the only people he knew there. After eight days I got go home, and yet his beloved never recovered. Life isn't fair, and the pain was dreadful for him.

I admire the family, friends, and caretakers who are so supportive while one of us goes through the very messy business of dying. Pancreatic cancer is a particularly messy way to die, and those around are in some ways more a part of it than the patient. From my experience, the pain medications dull the senses considerably, but only the patient gets the medications – the caregivers have to go through it with full awareness of what is happening. At the end of it, the patient gets to meet his/her maker, but the caregivers have to go home and live with the memory of the sights, sounds, and smells of the passing of a loved one. This is a very hard thing.

I wish the best for all of you who care for one of us with this dreadful disease.
_________________
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whipple procedure, Oct. 21, 2004
28 days of radiation
56 days of Chemo using Xeloda
diagnosed as progressive recurrent pancreatic adenocarcinoma (Stage IV) Jun. 20, 2006
was treated with gemcitabine, oxaliplatin, and tarceva, which all failed.
Cancer blog: http://diehlmartin.com/cancer.html

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