Just diagnosed with hodgkins...

jergen · New User Joined: 14 Dec 2006 Posts: 7

I am 23 years old. About two months ago, I noticed a lump in my neck and went to the doctor. I had a needle biopsy done and a CT scan. The needle biospsy didn't show anything but the CT scan showed several large lymphnodes in my chest. I was then sent to have the lymphnode in my neck cut out for a biospsy. I will also mention that i have had no other symptoms. Anyways, just last wednesday I was told i have Hodgkins Lymphoma. I am going to start chemo on the 26th. I had a bone marrow biopsy and i am going in for a PET tomorrow.

Anyways, I have been having the hardest time of my life dealing with this. I have never been so scared or depressed. I feel like i am just putting life on hold and worrying about this constantly. Now i know this is one of the easiest cancers to cure but i just can't seem to stay positive. I do have wonderful support and i couldn't ask for better friends. I cannot get over the fact that i am going to be losing my hair. I know it grows back but it is just making me so depressed. I can't stop thinking about it and i want to cry every minute of the day. I'm scared to death to start chemo...but more scared to lose my hair. I feel like i just can't do it. I know there are many more people out there that have it a lot worse than i do, so i feel a little selfish for being so depressed but i can't help it. I have always hated going to the doctor. Anyways, i guess there really isn't much point to my post..mostly just letting my feelings out. I tend to always hide my emotions..it is so much easier letting them out on here. I must say that i have read all over this forum and it has helped me feel a little better..knowing i am not alone.

If anyone that has had it or is going through it wants to talk, that would be great. My email is jergen83@yahoo.com

sorry to be such a whiner! Just scared!!

Eternity · New User Joined: 19 Nov 2006 Posts: 7

Hello Jergen,

Hope you are well. My case is very similar to you. I discovered a lump below my collar bone in September. Then i did a FNA and excisional biopsy and had my entire lymph node removed. I did a PET/CT scan and bone marrow biopsy which put me in stage 1A. Still i had to do 3-4 cycles of chemo and radiation. Doing chemo is tough as i suffer pain as side effects. Painkillers do not seem to work for me and my arm hurts like hell. My hair is thinning but I am glad that I am not bald yet. Now i have gone through the 5th treatment and hope to get it over soon! Good luck to you!

Eternity

jergen · New User Joined: 14 Dec 2006 Posts: 7

Hello, thanks for responding. I'm sorry to hear about the pain in your arm. I hope that is doing better for you now. I just finished my 2nd treatment. I am a 4a so i have to do chemo for 6 months. So far the side effects from chemo haven't been that bad. Mostly just tired and feel kind of yucky. Thanks again for replying and good luck to you! let me know how it is going for you! Still have hair? I think that is the hardest part for me..losing the hair..but it hasn't started to fall out yet.

Jergen

shelldizzy · New User Joined: 29 Jan 2007 Posts: 4

I am a 32 yr old female diagnosis with Hogdkins in august of 06 I understand how you feel about being scared. I started off as having just a bad cough that would not go away 4 doctors later they finally gave me ct-scan on monday by friday i was talking to a surgeon by wednesday i was having a biopsy they tried to do a easy one that did not work then they had to do the hard biopsy which they went in from my side about a 8 inch scar i was in icu for 3 days then in a reg room for another 3 days. They gave me 3 weeks before they started chemo i just finished my last chemo 12/29 i know how you feel about the hair i was scared about that how people would look at me how my kids would feel. I finally got to the point when it started coming out to shave it I went into the bathroom shut the door and shaved it myself for some reason i felt like I had some power back! I feel the same way about the cancer not being bad as some other. You feel just as scared as any other cancer patient I know I did. But remember we are doing chemo just like everyone else we are tired and don't always feel good no matter what type it is we are cancer patients.

Boldelly

My daughter was a lot like shelly as she had a cough that would not go away and they finally after a month and a half did a chest x-ray and it showed a large mass pressing on her lung. She was admitted for a week of testing for diagnosis and then we got to go home for a weekend and back in for another week for placement of port, bone marrow aspiration, and some other base line tests. She just finished her last 4th round of chemo and we are fixing to start 14 weeks of radiation. It has been a hard road but you can do it. Just have faith and lean on your family and friends when you feel rotten. My daughter holds her feelings in too and now they are making her go to a psychiatrist, which she hates but maybe it will help her cope with all the lifestyle changes she has had to go through so suddently. As far as the hair goes, when it started to fall out she cried as though someone had passed away, it was very hard for her, but she finally shaved it and wore wigs for a while, now she is comfortable going into the store or resturant with just her cap on. Hold on it will get better and you will make it because hodgkins patients are surviors!!!!! Smile

Eternity · New User Joined: 19 Nov 2006 Posts: 7

HI Thanks all for sharing, as for me, i have finally survived the horrible chemo and had my last treatment yesterday. The doc had to reduce the dosage as i am getting unbearable to the side effects especially the churning effects in my stomach and pain in the arm. I didn't start out with any cough or sickness. I was feeling great all along except for tiredness. It was just a painless lump below my collarbone that wouldn't go away even after a cycle of anti-biotics and that's when the doc became suspicious. So always have the habit of looking out for lumps in the boby even though they may look harmless.

playbunny · Guest

exuise my user name just I use it everywhere long story......

Hi my name is Stacey and im 23. Less than a week ago I was told I have stage 2 Hodgkins lymphoma. I have them in my neck and my chest. I have kinda known since the start of xmas but had it comfurmed to me at the start of the week. I have been told I will start abvd chemo on the 7th.

I have been dealing with the fact I have cancer grate. I wont let it beat me so I have still been going out haveing fun. I have a grate bunch of friends that help me out when I do get a little down. I have what I have and I wont get rid of it by being up set so why should I let this thing get me down.

I am lucky I have no signs of being unwell apart from the lumps them selfs. A little pain now and then and the odd sweat but that is it.

The one thing that has stopped me in my tracks and has caused me to become very upset down is the fact my hair is going. Its long, down to the middle of my back and I love it. Iv always had long hair, get it highlighted etc.
I know its a small price to pay but I cant get my haed round its going. My friends have been grate and I know they do some fab wigs but at the end of the day when im at home on my told and iv got to take it off iv got to look at this bald face looking back. It will really hit me the day I wake up and its comeing out. How does everyone cope and its hit me so so so hard

shelldizzy · New User Joined: 29 Jan 2007 Posts: 4

I understand about the hair I was like you got the highlights I even had hair extensions. I knew it was coming I just tried to get as mentally prepared as I could which is hard I know. My hair started coming out after my 2nd chemo real bad when I was in the shower. Then I made up my mind I could not stand it coming out in globs so I shut the bathroom door and shaved it all alone nobody there had a good cry. There are some funny cancer shirts out there about bald heads go to search on your computer type in cancer t-shirts. Just remember hold your head up high you are beautiful with or without hair and it grows back!!

jfkbluecircle

Stacey: (I apologize for the length of this post, but I think hair loss for women is one of the hardest aspects of chemotherapy to face). I went through the same type of chemo you are going to start this week (ABVD) almost ten years ago. I was stage IIIB, misdiagnosed for almost a year, and the hair thing was definitely something I can relate to, like Shelldizzy. For most of my adult life I had been known as "the girl with the long hair". I prepared myself by doing two things (one hard and one fun). I first decided to get my hair cut shorter than I had worn it in years; there were (and are) some really cute, shorter hairstyles and I figured I might as well try one out (since I was facing the prospect of losing it all, if I didn't like it, it wouldn't matter anyway Wink

). I then bought a wig. That was when it really hit me that I was going to have to face my illness and all of the potential side-effects of treatment. I bought my wig at the same place where my mother had bought hers' five years prior for when she went through treatment for breast cancer. We cried the entire drive back to my home.
My hair came out slowly at first (my scalp was very tender, too); having it shorter I think was easier than the effect of losing long strands. It was like it wasn't really my own hair since, again, the cut was new. I had a friend from work bring her clippers over and she shaved it down to about 1/4 of an inch. That was not a good idea, since the shortness made my scalp hurt even more when I wore my wig or had pressure on it from a pillow. The weekend of Lady Di's funeral (strange to have that as a memory marker) I was sitting at home alone, and decided to shave it off completely. I have read on this forum that other's have experienced a sense of liberation when they chose to go bald; it was the same for me. It felt like I had regained some sense of control over my body which I had for months considered an enemy. [b]I[/b] was not the cancer, my body was. Losing my hair, choosing to lose it completely three months into treatment was a turning point for me emotionally and psychologically. You are in control more than you know, especially at this very unsure time in your recovery. You will get through this. You will find you are stronger than you ever imagined. You might even find (sometime down the road) that having survived chemo, cancer, and the chaos it can wreak on your life a purpose and an understanding of why you had to endure this unique type of suffering. It could be a minor thing like posting windy replies on a cancer forum to those who are where you have been Smile

. My best to you . . .

playbunny · Guest

Thank you so much for you replys.

Just trying to put it to the back of my mind but when wednesday comes it will hit me again once that needle is put in. Just so scared really but there is not much I can do apart from get on with it.

There are people far worse off than me out there and as peeps say hair is hair it will grow back, just years for the length it is now Sad

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