I'm just so very angry

cariad · Regular Joined: 04 Aug 2006 Posts: 11 Location: new york

The title says it all, my anger far surpasses anything else I'm feeling right now.

Let me introduce myself, my name is lynne, and I live in NY, happily married with two children, a 13 yr old and a 3 year old. I was born in the UK, and my parents and only brother still live there.

5 years ago, my mom, who is now 67 was diagnosed with breast cancer. she had a mastectomy, but had recovered.
Last week, out of the blue, she started to become out of breath while doing the simplest of tasks. Off to the hospital for tests, and for what seemed like an eternity, this morning I got the call she was diagnosed with lung and liver cancer.

It felt like being punched in the face at 8am in the morning, it was not something I was prepared for. It was something I simple didn't suspect.

I don't understand why this wasn't found earlier, is is normal for symptoms to appear all of a sudden. Why after having breast cancer was she only given a mammogram every six months, why wasn't she given a full body scan? It's not unheard of for cancer to spread, this is a no brainer for me, but apparently it's the norm to not perform a cat scan, mri or whatever else they do in hospitals in the uk.

They've told her she's got a couple of years, but after reading around the web, I get the feeling the doctors have grossly exaggerated.

I"m just pissed off, do I go home now, do I wait, but wait for what, till she deteriorates so much she can barely recognise me.
she'll never get to see my boys grow up...

sorry, I'm just upset...maybe tomorrow I'll have gotten my head around this.

Valatcolwyn bay · New User Joined: 13 Aug 2006 Posts: 4

Hello Cariad (Welsh for darling yes?)
I am so sorry to hear about your Mum and I can imagine it must be heartbreaking for you if you are not in this country. I am currently nursing my brother who is terminally ill with bowel, liver and secondories in his bile duct etc. I too am so bloody angry because we have been taking him to the doctors for years and although he has had various scans it wasn't picked up on until too late. Apparantly 10% of examinations are missed! Malcolm was diagnosed on the 31st March this year and his prognosis was 3 months or less. However, he has had 4 of his 6 chemos and has sailed through them with his 'markers' reducing from 15 to 10 to 7.5. We know that he wont ever be cured but we have been thankful for this time with him and we have done so, so much including an 'Elvis' party for him 2 weeks ago. You will experience every emotion my friend, from tears to anger to deial and then aceptance back to anger again. The only practical advice I can give you is to make sure your mum has plenty of fresh fruit and veg and foods like liver to keep her blood counts up. Any time you need to chat I'll be here for you!

cariad · Regular Joined: 04 Aug 2006 Posts: 11 Location: new york

Thanks so much for responding Val, just knowing someone is listening to my rants is rather comforting.

Since writing this I've spoken to the hospice nurse who gave me a reality check. She told me the cancer is advanced, and has given her 6 to 9 months, probably less. The hard part is telling my dad, who seems to be living in cuckoo land and thinks a shot of chemo will have her back to normal in no time.

Right now, she's on liquid morphine ( although she has no pain) has to be on oxygen for 15 hrs a day, and uses a nebulizer 3 times/day, not to mention the steroids. sigh!

She's just finished 5 day of radiation and Tuesday she has a visit with the oncologist to see how the treatment faired and to discuss chemo ( taxotere).

The nurse told me honestly it will all boil down to a quality of life issue. What's worse, the symptoms from the cancer, or the side effects caused by such a toxic drug.

I'm hanging in there, all cried out I think. Still angry at the NHS for not diagnosing this ealier. Perhaps if they'd given her a blood test or mri since the breast cancer, it could have been stopped in it's tracks. who knows...

Valatcolwyn bay · New User Joined: 13 Aug 2006 Posts: 4

Just received your reply. We have only just got back from a family celebration in London (sons birthday party). My brother has had his 5th chemo last Friday and Lyn, I am amazed at how well he is responding. He has his scan at the end of the month which will show whether or not his treatment has shrunk the tumours. I hope your mum is a little better - my heart goes out to you! I will include you and your family in my prayers. Also, when Malcolm was diagnosed nearly everyone put the fear of god in me saying that he would not have any quality of life once his chemo started - nothing can be further from the truth - he has managed it extremely well without hardly any side affects. Every human being is different, so please, please, always try and be positive. I'll be thinking of you and perhaps it would be nice to stay in touch so that we can share our ups and downs - Regards Valerie x

cariad · Regular Joined: 04 Aug 2006 Posts: 11 Location: new york

My mom asked me to come home not long after writing my last post. I flew home September 2nd with my youngest to try and help out.

I had 5 days with my mom before she passed away at home with her family around her. She was fine 8pm on Thursday, but after falling asleep at 9:15 we were unable to wake her. 8 hours later she was gone.

It was a shock her going so quickly, 6 weeks after being diagnosed. It still hasn't sunk in, having my little one hear with me and helping my dad sort out everything is keeping me occupied.

I need to grieve, have a good cry, but right now I'm wandering around in a daze most of the time.

Thanks for the forum, and for listening. Knowledge is power as they say.

d4nnie · New User Joined: 31 Aug 2006 Posts: 4

[quote="cariad"]My mom asked me to come home not long after writing my last post. I flew home September 2nd with my youngest to try and help out.

I had 5 days with my mom before she passed away at home with her family around her. She was fine 8pm on Thursday, but after falling asleep at 9:15 we were unable to wake her. 8 hours later she was gone.

It was a shock her going so quickly, 6 weeks after being diagnosed. It still hasn't sunk in, having my little one hear with me and helping my dad sort out everything is keeping me occupied.

I need to grieve, have a good cry, but right now I'm wandering around in a daze most of the time.

Thanks for the forum, and for listening. Knowledge is power as they say.[/quote]

I'm sorry for your loss. I can relate about "being in a daze". My fathers condition has detriorated dramatically within the past few weeks. I fear he has not much longer to live. I'm in a daze most of the time, but my main objective is to ensure that my father spends his last days on earth pain free.

Aderbas · New User Joined: 01 Mar 2007 Posts: 8

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