My Dad passed away 4/22 of lung cancer and I have questions!

sadfordad · New User Joined: 02 May 2007 Posts: 3

This is my first time to post so I may ramble, but, my Dad (age 76) was having extreme lower back pain - went to Orthopaedic dr - was given injections for the pain multiple times, nothing helped(all over a period of about 6 weeks). Had all of the normal tests but was told he had degenerative disc disease and nothing could really be done. His pain kept getting worse until he was constantly on Morphine. We told the doctor that this had to be more than the disc disease as he had always had back problems but not extreme pain like this. Finally, after going to multiple doctors, they admitted him to the hospital on 4/13/07. He progressively got worse over the next few days and was diagnosed with lung cancer. (Smoked for 43 years, quite about 14 years ago) At first he was told could undergo radiation treatments one day and then on the next day was told that it would not help. The cancer had spread to his bones. As a few days passed, my father became very agitated and was talking out of his head. They gave him Ativan for this but it only made things worse. They changed the med to Geodon and he still worsened over the next few days. Test of brain showed it was normal. We stayed with him day and night, afraid to leave him, as he was trying to get up (wanted to go home). He was not stable enough by then to even stand up. He fell out of the bed and broke his shoulder. They finally had to put a vest on him and tie him to the bed to keep him from getting up and hurt himself. The next two days he worsened and at one point they had to put these mittens on his hands to keep him from hurting himself - that killed my soul to see him like that. They placed a pain patch on his chest and that seemed to east the pain but the agitation and confusion just got worse. He fought endless hours trying to get out of the bed and begged us to take him home.The next morning he seemed calm and I took the mittens off. That day, he slowly slipped away and was moaning in agony. We begged one of the doctors to help him. They signed him up for hospice and came in and gave him sub-lingual morphine, a morphine injection and a valium suppository. That was at 5:30 p.m. He then calmed down (finally) and I left the hospital to go home and take a shower. At 7:00 my mom called us to come back to the hospital as my dad had passed away peacefully in his sleep. I am so confused - he went in the hospital with back pain and died nine days later. Could it be the lung cancer that killed him or could they have given him the wrong drugs that caused him to talk out of his head and then finished him off with that last "flood" of pain meds? Any opinions would be greatly appreciated. I know he is out of pain and I can't bring him back, but can't rest worrying about how he died. I can't believe my dad is gone. Missing him so much!! Thanks for any replies.

rubylvs12 · New User Joined: 24 Sep 2006 Posts: 6

dear sadfordad im sorry to hear about your dad, my dad passed away on the 4th of december last year 2006, and i understand your frustration and pain . my dad had lung cancer and was told to think about radiation/radiotherapy also but it became that he was unable to eat and after a long arguement with him i finally got him to agree to go to hospital by which time he was dehydrated also, he was in hospital and he began to see things and thought he was getting dressed and there was nothing there he began talking to himself and seeing things and said that dwarfs were jumping on him and kicking him. he was fine one minute and not the next and the nurses couldent cope with him keeping getting out of bed, the docs then told him they couldent do an encospocy because the cancer was extensive and in the lymph nodes and pressing on his windpipe which was why he was unable to eat, and he was also coughing up blood. he spent one week in the hospital when they convinced him to go to the marie curie hospice where he also spent a week, his feet swoll up which they treated and he was given diazapan , and morphine and a drip , he told them all he wanted to do was to be able to eat as he believed in his own head that if he could eat he would get his strength back and get better and be able to go out again, i spent days wheeling him around the grounds in a wheel chair and he started to get up and walk and i brought him out for a drive in the car and over to my house and they helped him to eat as they told him they could not cure him but it was their job to make him comfy and they would try their best to meet his wishes , about 2 days b4 he died he asked me to take him to his house and to bring his doggies which i had to rehome up to see him which their new owners had agreed to let me do, i managed to get 2 of them but i couldent get the pup as she was now living in the country. the day b4 he died my husband went to bring my daddy to my house as i was exhausted , fom doinghis washing and myne and cleaning our homes and looking after my kids and i was feeling rather dizzy as i am diabetic, but the nurses told my hubby it was not a good idea to take him out as he had a fever but no temperature and i knew about that all too well because during his stay in the hospital he had gone into a comatose state as his body was shutting down and this had happened b4 twice. my husband came home and took me over to see him but he said i must be tired and sent me home, which i thought was unusual as he usually shouted at me if i was late getting to see him as i came in a nurse called me to talk about resucitation and i agreed with my dad that there would be none as it was not fair to my dad although it broke my heart i had to be cruel to be kind, the nurse also told me that my dad wanted to stop all his meds now except for the wee diazapan that they injected into his belly and it helped him sleep, my dad asked my hubby to look after me and told him he was tired now he cried and said that he was giving up that he had no more fight left in him. i obeyed my fathers wishes and went home but my one mistake was not staying all night which i had planned to do. the next morning the hospice called ay 10 am and told me not to rush but that they thought i should come to the hospice as he was now down to his last day but what they dident say was that he had gone into another comatose state, so aftera bath i arrived at 12 noon and sat with him he could not see me or speak to me or wake up, my hubby took my kids do my mates house as she said she would look after them and give them their dinner, my hubby left the hospice at half 4 and dropped the kids off and he then headed over to pick my cousin up to bring him to the hospice but he got stuck in traffic and i spent an hour and 25 mins with my dad on my own, i talked to him and told him i loved him , i told him it was ok to go as i understood that he was only hanging on for me and i sang to him, i left the room to go out for a ciggie at 6:15 pm and told him i would be right back as i went out for a smoke a nurse went in to tidy him up as he was secretions were pouring from his mouth, it was raining outside and i felt very dizzy and an awful thought crossed my mind what if he died when i was outside but i told myself not to be so silly and made my way back in as iw ent through the doors i spotted a radiator and went to warm my hands as i was soaking wet and shivering cold, as i looked up i caught a glimpse of someone walking towards me and realised it was a nurse she just looked at me took my hand and said im so sorry but i think your dad has just taken his last breath as we ran to his room the nurse checked his pulse but he was gone, he was curled up on the bed and i moved his leg over and lay down beside him and cuddled him and told him i was sorry for leaving him as i promised him i wouldent get scared and leave him on his own at the last, but the nurse told me that he would have knew that i had been there all day as he would have heard me as the hearing is the last to go, and she then went to get a notice for the door as people were coming to see him and she went to try to phone my hubby to see where he had gotten to for me as she knew i was there all alone which i dident mind he passed on at 6:25pm on monday the 4th of december, my biggest regret is not staying with him the night b4 and leaving the room for that ciggie and most of all i wished that he could have stayed one more week until my birthday which was on the 11th of december and my hubby just said to me today will i be alright on mothers day because , its on the 13th of may and that is my dads birthday. but i know i will be fine because i have to for my kids and i need to be strong to look after them. i dont know if any of this helps to explain anything to u ask i think some of it is quite similar. ruby.
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ruby, northern ireland

sadfordad · New User Joined: 02 May 2007 Posts: 3

Thanks so much for the reply - it does sound very familiar - like they kind of went through alot of the same things. I too, felt so bad for going home and taking a shower, as that is when he passed. My family thinks he did it on purpose so I wouldn't be there. Sorry about your dad too. It is so sad to lose them. I miss him terribly and it has only been a week and a half. I know it will get easier with time but I will never stop missing him!! Thanks again for the reply.

rubylvs12 · New User Joined: 24 Sep 2006 Posts: 6

dear sad for dad apparantly people dont like passing away when u r ther , there is supposed to be what is called the death rattle that people with lung cancer get but i think it can be a build up of secretions caused by what they call a flooding where the lungs drown and there is meant to be a terrible noise as they take their last breath and i pacify myself in the knowledge that maybe too my dad wanted to spare me that as the hearing is last to go and he would have knew that i had left the room as i told him where i was going and that i would b back. i forgot to say to u that i think your dad passed from the cancer sorry. if there is anything else that u think i may be able to help with then please post a reply and i will get back to u. rubyxo
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ruby, northern ireland

brainman

sadfordad, I am very sorry for your loss and that it has taken me so long to reply. Like Priscilla, your post was embedded inside another thread so I have split it so that others can reply as well. Your father had a very loving son... you should be proud of that because it is a reflection on the type of man your father was.

God bless you,
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Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendroglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=2528
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 3: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

DeeVQ · Regular Joined: 02 Aug 2007 Posts: 18

Dear Sad for dad,

This is my first time on this site and I just want you to know that you are in my thoughts and prayers at this difficult time. Be strong and remember how much your father loved you. I am sure he is so proud of you. Please try not to let your fathers final days eat you up inside. They were only a small part of his wonderful life. Take care of yourself and take each day as it comes. If you find that too hard, then take each hour as it comes. I kno its a cliche but give yourself time to heal and talk to those around you.

Wishing you strength,
Dawn(Ireland)

Elizabeth76 · Regular Joined: 16 Apr 2007 Posts: 12

Dear Sadfordad,
Your situation made me cry and I am so sorry for your loss.
It is heartbreaking to see your loved one go through such a difficult time when you have always known them to be stong minded and sharp and healthy.
As I read you post, I remembered my dad begging us in the hospital for water bc he had to do some testing and they weren't allowing him anything to drink. It was heartbreaking to deny him the water he wanted so badly. I snuck him little sponges dipped in water.
My dad passed too in March.
Blessing to you

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