Getting married for a dieing family member

CJR520 · New User Joined: 03 Aug 2007 Posts: 1

I don't know if anyone has been in a similar situation but here goes. My fiancee's grandfather 5 years ago survived pancreatic and esophogial cancer. The doctors said it was a miracle that he was able to survive at 76 years old, about 6 months ago he was diagnosed with lung cancer. The lung cancer is very agressive and he is also suffering from congestive heart failure. This past week he was admited into the hospital for his 3rd case of pnuemonia, we believe that he won't be coming home this time.
My question is a few of our family members have expressed to him that its ok to let go but his only response to this is he is waiting for our wedding (which is almost 2 years away) We are debating whether to have a small informal ceremony so her grandfather will have some peace. Anyone's thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

Vee Smith · Moderator Joined: 12 Feb 2006 Posts: 796 Location: UK

What a dilemma for you. Have you thought of suggesting to him that you will bring the wedding forward and have a small ceremony. You can always do what my niece did - get married quietly and then a year later have a big celebratory ceremony and party.

brainman

Hi CJR, I am sorry about your fiancee's grandfather's struggles with cancer! Although I do not know how long he will continue to live, it does not sound like he will last 2 more years.

The question you ask is very personal and complex. I have performed several weddings under similar circumstances. In each case, there where family, health, legal, AND religious/spiritual issues that needed to be considered by the couple before making the decision to do what you describe . Would your family be in favor? Are you thinking of making it legal with a wedding license and witnesses? Have you talked with your own priest/minister or other religious/spiritual leader about this?

My personal opinion is that if it brings some degree of peace to her grandfather AND does not create new problems for the two of you, a small ceremony now followed by a formal wedding later is totally acceptable.

All of you are in my prayers and my thoughts as you ponder your decision. Keep us informed.
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