Help needed (long post)

Goose2 · New User Joined: 27 Aug 2007 Posts: 3

My partners , brothers girlfriend has been battling cancer for the last year.She was originally diagnosed with breast cancer , went through the chemo , masectomy and radiotherapy only to be told after all the treatment that it had spread to her brain and she was given 6 months to live.
This was 4 months ago and her partner (my partners brother) has been there all the way , they have been a couple for over 4 years and live together in her house , (she's 52 and he's 48 ) she has a daughter and he has no children.
We went to see her yesterday and she is obviously in the final throws of this awful illness and it has been a terrible shock to see how quickly it has gripped her.She was/is a lovely woman , one of lifes good uns , very easy to get on with and always attentive and interested in whoever she was talking to , just a real lovely warm woman.

Now here comes the really difficult bit , her Daughters partner has made it very clear to the brother that he is not wanted and is in the way , he's being made to feel very unwelcome in the home even though he has been there 24/7 doing all the caring since this disease was first diagnosed.He is in a real dilemma and its making him very ill , also they obviously don't regard him as an equal in this and he can't do any right.I can understand that they are angry at this situation but it seems wrong the way they are treating him , but when asked for my opinion by my partner (his sister) I just can't give any worthwhile advice as its way over my head and so unlike any situation I have had to deal with.
I feel he is in a no win situation he's damned if he does he's damned if he doesn't.I've suggested help groups so at least he can talk through not only the loss but his position also. Is there anyone who has any good advice or been through a similar ordeal?

In · Posted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 5:42 am Post subject: Re: Help needed (long post)

hi goose2, I though i better to reply for you. I haven't been in that situation before. It must be tough on all of you. It is awful when someone has been doing the caring and support for so long and the shafted aside. And made to feel unwelcome.....They onlything i can say is for him to do what is best for him and his loved one....Then he will be able to sleep at night, and know he did what was best for him and her..... Maybe there is some jelously or feelings that the others are not needed? Or they feel unwanted, or useless? Or just be in spite.

I hope things improve in that sense and things become more peaceful for him, but also the rest of the family,

Thoughts are with you and your family.

Inica
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Goose2 · New User Joined: 27 Aug 2007 Posts: 3

Thanks Inica , my sentiments exactly on doing the right thing. Unfortunately she passed away yesterday evening at home but at least she is at peace now and in a better place.The brother was told to "go for a walk" when some relatives came round , which he did and while he was gone she died , so right up to the end they where just plain horrible.
It doesn't matter now he has nothing to pove to anyone and has remained dignified from the start and will be able to hold his head up high unlike many other people , he is the better man and she is now at peace looking down and thanking him , the others can deal with their insecurities in their own time.

Thanks once again for replying

In · Posted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 11:40 pm Post subject: Re: Help needed (long post)

I'm so sorry. But like you said, she is at peace and 'knows'. She will look down and will thank you both for all the care and support. And like you said- he can keep he's head high and know he did, what he did, for her.

If only others could not see that at the time... Please Take Care and I hope all things even out and become peaceful for you both too.

Inica
_________________
Thinking of you Inica

*Administrator*

~Nose Cancer~
~Car Accident- Broken Back, Ribs, Spleen
Sternum~
~Continous Cervical Cancer~

My Story-
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=6731

Smile

9 Lives and still kicking Smile

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