Fighting Depression

REB · Posted: Fri Mar 14, 2008 11:03 am Post subject: Fighting Depression

A few days after my surgery it was a Sunday. It was very quiet around the hospital room. No one had come to visit that day and the wife was at home spending some time with the kids. I got very depressed that day. I had started feeling depressed the previous day and it was getting worse. I was really hating the colostomy bag attached to my body like some creature leaching off of me. And, at that time, I did not know the extent of my cancer. And my job? What would become of that. Money worries about hospital bills. I was getting very depressed and very worried. I prayed to God that although my faith was weak, I still had my faith in him.

I did something I was proud of that day. I had been taking morphine for the pain, but by then the pain was tolerable. I wanted some morphine to put me in a sleepy haze where I wouldn’t care about anything. I was about to call the nurse for some morphine, but I stopped. I realized what I was doing- I was going to use a drug meant to stop my pain for other purposes- to escape reality. No, that was wrong. The morphine had served its purpose and it was time to let it go. It was time to face my situation. I did not call the nurse.

I wanted out of that bed and out of the hospital. I had been lying there for over a week. I don’t know why, but when my wife came up that Sunday night I started crying as soon as I saw her. A 40 year old man weeping like a baby.

Fast forward a couple of days and I finally was back home with my wife and kids. That helped the depression alot. Then the next week I went back at work and that helped even more.

The chemo treatments and dealing with the colostomy still get me down at times, but having faith in God, and my family supporting me helps stomp out the depression. Smiling also helps.
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10/01/07 - Removal of Stage III Colon Cancer Tumor and Temporary Colostomy
Started Chemotherapy 11-07-07 - FOLFOX regimen - 5-FU (5 Flurouracil) and leucovorin, oxaliplatin. Also Avastin
Last Chemo treatment 04-09-08, Colostomy Reversal 04-28-08 Age:41

In · Posted: Sun Mar 16, 2008 9:24 pm Post subject: Re: Fighting Depression

REB- thank you for sharing this story with us. I'm also proud of you, as i'm sure you are, but mostly your wife and children.

Everyone has the deepest of lows, and the highest of highs- it's just working out how to balance them. A good cry releases the stress and deepsadness, but also shars your worry and grief.

You ARE fighting this, keep your chin up and block the blows. Be proud of yourself and stay positive. Smell that crisp, cool air? see the bluest of skies? Your children laughing and so happy you are home? The shine of love coming from you wifes eyes?

This is all, beacuse you are fighting. when you are feeling low, let us know, so we can Tag team your pain. We can hold up your end- thats what we are there for.

Thinking of you In
_________________
Thinking of you Inica

**Administrator**

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