Delayed reaction

ShirleyM · New User Joined: 29 Nov 2007 Posts: 2 Location: France

Hello everyone. I am new here.
It is now a year and a half since my mastectomy. I survied that and also a course of chaemo followed by radiotherapy. I have regained a lot of my strength and "independence" but - and I feel ashamed to say this - the depression and fears have suddenly returned. My mind seems obsessed by my CANCER. YetI have a lot going on in my life which SHOULD make me happy, or at least contented.
Have any of you had this experience? How did you deal with it? Shout at me for being too self-absorbed if you like but can you help? Twisted Evil

Vee Smith · Moderator Joined: 12 Feb 2006 Posts: 796 Location: UK

Hi Shirley.

This is very common. I am always aware that I interpret sensations and reactions into possible development of new cancers. Being aware that I am dong this does not stop me. So far [touching wood in all directions] it has never been the case. I am afraid it is part of the problem of being a cancer victim.

If you can, find someone you can talk to. Often the fear is bound up with keeping the fear to yourself and talking it out can help. I also feel that it is very important to keep busy on things that have nothing to do with cancer.

If these fears and depression have suddenly returned, maybe you should step back and look at what is happening in your life generally?

Keep talking here - others will have their own views and suggestions.

Muttsmom · Posted: Thu Nov 29, 2007 7:35 pm Post subject: Re: Delayed reaction

Hi,

Everyone deals with the fear of the cancer coming back differently, and what you're doing is very normal. I lived in fear the 1st couple of years, and then gradually got better. I would have a new pain and automatically think that the cancer was back. Now, over 5 1/2 years later, if I get a new pain, I can make sense out of it, and give it a little while to get better, without the fear it's the cancer. Needless to say if it didn't get better in a couple of weeks, if I don't remember hurting myself, then I'd get it checked, but the fear has eased so much. I remember in the beginning, I would get panic attacks because of the fear. It will get better with time!!!! Don't beat yourself up, you're human and this beast is scary to say the least.

Best wishes and it might be the holidays. People that haven't gone through cancer treatment and life has been as smooth as one could hope for get depressed around the holidays.
_________________
Nancy
2/14/02 ILC 43 - 5.5 cm 9+/16 nodes
Stage IIIA er/pr+ Her2-
2/02 MRM
FECx6 radsx33
Tamoxifen - Arimidex (chemo induced menopause)
4/03 SM w/bilat. recon.
9/03 expanders removed
5/04 repair reconst. disaster
10/04 Actonel for bone/joint pain from Arimidex
NED - 5 years
3/07 Diabetes
In memory of Kim 12/1/04

Cindy · Senior User Joined: 01 Dec 2004 Posts: 167

Hi Shirley. You aren't being self absorbed at all. What you are going through is sooo normal. It still happens to me, periodically, after 5.5 years. I go from I'm going to be fine, to looking over my shoulder wondering if/when it's going to come back. I can tell you this, though...the further out you get, the less you will dwell on it. Even though I still have my days...some days I don't think about cancer at all, where it use to be that I woke up thinking cancer, went through the day thinking cancer and went to bed thinking cancer. Cancer consumed my thoughts, day in and day out. It's not like that anymore. I was a handcrafter for many, many years and when cancer struck, I couldn't even focus on it anymore. Didn't care anything about crafting anything anymore...for years. Well, just recently my interest started coming back and to me that is a huge step forward, for me, in moving beyond my cancer diagnosis. You'll get there. Just give it more time. Many blessings.
_________________
Where is the cure???
www.truefacesofbreastcancer.org
www.diepbreastreconstruction.org
www.bcsisters.org/forum
www.mybreastcancerstore.com

ShirleyM · New User Joined: 29 Nov 2007 Posts: 2 Location: France

So kind of you to take an interest.
The trouble is I have had bC twice. After my fifth c/u for the first I thought "Wow, five years on - I've licked it."
Then - year six - back it came and HOW. So I am well aware that one is never "cured".
Maybe I am paricularly "down" because I have a c/u due in a few weeks and have been noting my ongoing aches, pains and other symptoms in order to discuss them with the specialist - who is a real SWEETIE - and enjoys speaking English with me (Instititut Curie, Paris).

Muttsmom · Posted: Fri Nov 30, 2007 8:24 am Post subject: Re: Delayed reaction

Shirley,

Are you taking Arimidex or Femara? I'm wondering if the side affects of them are causing bone and joint pain and that's why you have "aches and pains". I know I did and then my onco put me on Actonel (I don't have osteoporosis) and they all went away. It's used to prevent as well as treat osteoporosis and it took all the joint/bone bone away too. I have been on it almost 5 years and never had a problem since taking Actonel.

What was your dx and treatment?
_________________
Nancy
2/14/02 ILC 43 - 5.5 cm 9+/16 nodes
Stage IIIA er/pr+ Her2-
2/02 MRM
FECx6 radsx33
Tamoxifen - Arimidex (chemo induced menopause)
4/03 SM w/bilat. recon.
9/03 expanders removed
5/04 repair reconst. disaster
10/04 Actonel for bone/joint pain from Arimidex
NED - 5 years
3/07 Diabetes
In memory of Kim 12/1/04

Cindy · Senior User Joined: 01 Dec 2004 Posts: 167

BC sure is sneaky, that's for sure. I have read of so many women who hit that 5 year mark and it came back in year 6. I am on the alert because I know that I fall within that period, now. Many of us get despondent when we have to go for that dreaded check up. I hate going to mine so much. My doc's office use to let me call in to make my next appt, but I would end up making it 6 or 7 months out when the doc wanted me back in 4 months. Now, they catch me before I leave the office and give me an appointment for the next visit. I go every 6 months now. I always have those aches and pains. As soon as something gets okay, something else starts bothering me. It just never ends. What we have is called "Canceritis", where every ache and pain that you have, you think it's cancer. Hopefully, you will perk up after your upcoming visit. I bet you are going to be just fine.
_________________
Where is the cure???
www.truefacesofbreastcancer.org
www.diepbreastreconstruction.org
www.bcsisters.org/forum
www.mybreastcancerstore.com

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