Dealing with grief... and a letter to my Dad.

Jeremy C · New User Joined: 25 Jan 2008 Posts: 4

Well it has been almost three months since my father died of liver cancer. This is the first time I have written in a forum to share the weight that is upon my heart. I have read the posts of others saying to myself, "this is not me." i have come to the conclusion that this is me. It is hard to admit the powerlessness that cancer lays at your doorstep. I miss my father so much. I fear to feel it because I fear it will consume me. I catch myself almost daily saying to myself I will call my dad and ask him... only to realize that it cannot be in this lifetime. I believe in the father son and the holy ghost and the fact that I will see my father again. it is SO hard trying to explain to the six year old boy in me that there is consolation in this. My father was my hero, he was the greatest man I have ever known. He was the model of unconditional love. This comes from a ex heroin junkie who lived on the street while my father waited patiently for me to see the light. It hurts SO much. I miss him SO much. I know that all things work to the glory of God. I will not turn my back, but I will grieve. If you find yourself wondering how you should feel, just remember we are wonderfully made and have faith that our maker made us to bear what we can. Allan J. Crawford is the name of my father and I know this name means little to most but it means the world to me. I will love you always. I will strive to raise my children as you have raised me. I will hold in my arms the little boy in me as you held in your me in your arms so many times. i love you with a love that cannot be measured. I will strive with every breath to be half the man you were. I miss you Dad.

Love ,
Jeremy

I'm not saying this is true but I feel this sometimes and know others feel this too..
"love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken hallelujah"

Glory to God in highest, even when it hurts...

Edit: If you think I am fool for believing in and loving God, ask me why I do. i will tell you.

brainman

Jeremy, I am so sorry about your loss. What a wonderful father!

I too still hear my father or think "I need to tell Dad...". My father died in Sept 06 of leukemia. I was his primary care provider and lived with him for several years. I still live in the house where I lived for over 20 years. So, I feel his presence all the time.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

In

Jeremy,

I'm sorry for he loss of your Father, he sounds like he was a great man. I think he would be so proud of you. I often write letters etc, so i understand your little note. It helps.

Please Take Care.
_________________
Thinking of you Inica

*Administrator*

~Nose Cancer~
~Car Accident- Broken Back, Ribs, Spleen
Sternum~
~Continous Cervical Cancer~

My Story-
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=6731

Smile

9 Lives and still kicking Smile

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