denial

carol45 · New User Joined: 16 Aug 2006 Posts: 4

My mother is 82 years old. She had a tumor on her lung removed three years ago. The cancer grew back and she has stage IV and was diagnosed in January of this year. She had some radiation because she had some very large lumps, but now hospice is in twice a week and she is on morphine. My mother is a very relegious and loving person, but I am worried because she tells me she is getting better, is this common to think your getting better? The ongologist told me in May she didn't think my mom would live through the summer, but my mom is extremely strong and just not ready. I think she always wanted to be around for my dad, who isn't in the greatest health, and is afraid to leave him in this world without her. I tell her we will take care of him, but she thinks I have already shouldered a lot. I want my mom to be in peace when the time comes, any suggestions?

kaylany · Regular Joined: 02 Aug 2006 Posts: 31 Location: New York

Dear Carol,
I'm sorry to hear about your mom, my mom in law has stage IV NSCLC. I've told her situation on here so I won't go into everything. BAsically she has it in both lungs, lymph nodes, brain lesions - radiation done to shrink them and now in her abdomen as well. They're currently doing chemo once a week and they stopped it b/c she needs the white blood cell booster shot, which is making her horribly uncomfortable.

When she goes to the dr., they sugar coat everything going on and tell her daughter, son all the details. It's a heavy burden to carry. I feel she would be able to fight it better if she was completely informed about her situation, then she could make the best decisions for her care. But they gave her 6 months in the end of April, so I know there's not a whole lot of options. With your mom already being visited by hospice, I take it she will be getting no further treatments?

There are books that you can buy or get at a library that explain the stages people go through when they find out they are terminally ill. One of the stages is denial which is very common. I would suggest reading up on that, I plan to myself. One book is http://www.amazon.com/What-Dying-People-Want/dp/1586481975/sr=1-9/qid=1156873205/ref=sr_1_9/102-6568899-8740105?ie=UTF8&s=books
and another that would be helpful is http://www.amazon.com/-Needs-Dying-A-Guide/dp/0060958219/sr=1-22/qid=1156873280/ref=sr_1_22/102-6568899-8740105?ie=UTF8&s=books

You will be in my prayers, Kayla
_________________
kaylaNY

carol45 · New User Joined: 16 Aug 2006 Posts: 4

Dear Kaylany:

Thank You for your reply, and I am so sorry about your mother-in-law.
My sister came to visit this week and my mom and her have talked about arrangements after my mom dies. My mom said the other day that I have to prepare myself and that she has lived a wonderful life. She has reached the acceptance stage. She will receive no more treatments and we will try to keep her as comfortable as possible and pray when the time comes she goes peacefully.

My thoughts are with your family and your mother-in-law. All the best Carol

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