my wife has pancreatic cancer

markl007us · Regular Joined: 19 Aug 2006 Posts: 20

In August, 2006 my wife was told she had pancreatic cancer. It is a tumor that started at 1.5 cm x 1.5 cm. We were told she had 1 yeara to live. They started her on GEMZAR which is supposed to be a great new chemo. She also takes Xeloda and Tarceva. After two months we had a CT Scan done and it showed the tumor had grown to 3 cm x 2,75 cm. The doctor decreased her timew to 6 months. He sadi he had never seen a tumor grow like this with this new chemo. The tumor is inoperable because it is wrapped around two veins in the pancreas and is attached to the stomach wall.

We have six children. Girls are 19, 21 and 23 and live on their own. We also have boys 8, 14 and 16. We are a close family and this is just devastating to us.

My wife and I have talked about things we never dreamed about. How will s=we know when death is approaching. Are there signs? It is not that we are morbid or anything this is just questions that come to our mind in this daily battle with this terrible disease.

We pray that God can allow a cure to be found but it looks bleak at this point. Please pray for us in your daily endeavors as I know that you too are all going through terrible times. We will in turn pray for all of you.

Sincerely, Mark

markl007us · Regular Joined: 19 Aug 2006 Posts: 20

You know I am kind of surprised. I made this post thinking I would get some kind of response to my questions and concerns. I have to date received no response whatsoever.

I don't mean to be a negative person but it is ironic that one posting gets several hundred viewings and several pages of response.

Is my problem not worthy. Who knows. I will not be checking back here and I desire that nobody emails me.

Thanks for your outpouring of emotion. I know my children will find it overwhelming when I tell them the beautiful replies we received.

Good bye and Good luck. May God be with you all

Big Sister · Experienced user Joined: 02 Nov 2006 Posts: 69

Hello -- Please don't take the lack of responses to your posting personally. All of us here are in deep pain. All of us have become self-focused and introspective as we grope for answers that can never come.

As you have seen from the others' postings, this is a bleak forum -- virtually no known cure, no hope, no palliatives of any kind except knowing, by reading, that you're not alone.

We cheer when that "time left" date passes and our loved one is still with us. We cheer when we hear of a new drug, a new procedure. In truth, this disease is swift and unrelenting, allowing just brief moments of peace among the many hours of accelerating decline.

Why these things happen is the mystery. Why some get sick and others go on alone is the dilemma. I am not a spouse but a sister, yet I see the toll my brother's disease is taking on his wife and his children. For a vibrant, vital man to be struck down so suddenly is a horror from which this family will not recover for a long time.

Take comfort in the fact that you're not alone yet we have little to offer except understanding. I apologize for not responding quickly -- I have been slogging in my own swamp.

missumom · Experienced user Joined: 05 Jan 2006 Posts: 65

I read your posts this morning -- First of all, I am deeply sorry that your wife has been diagnosed with this cruel type of cancer. Pancreatic cancer is very aggressive. Not only is it difficult to detect, but the cancer itself grows and spreads like wildfire.

Second of all, please don't think that your problem is unworthy. Some people just need time to put their thoughts into words. They want to help you because we're all in the same situation here. We've all been affected by cancer.

You asked about signs that the end is near. With my mom, she became bedridden and she was unable to eat/drink. Most of the day, she spent sleeping.

Please give this forum another chance. We really want to help you through this terrible time. We all know the pain you and your children are going through.

AndreC4016 · Posted: Wed Nov 22, 2006 9:35 pm Post subject: Re: my wife has pancreatic cancer

Mark. I've been thinking about the both of you since your first post back in August... My wife was 42 when this cancer took her back in July.
you where talking about when the time comes how would you know..
the answer to that is very hard to say because its different for everybody its not text book, I asked that question many times and got many answers so don't dwell on how but enjoy what you have today and look forward to tomorrow with your wife I know your lost and angry, I was and still angry but you still have her today so give thanks tomorrow for that. keep in touch there is still hope.. I here Vitamine C is making news Idea

reenie · Posted: Thu Nov 23, 2006 7:58 pm Post subject: Re: my wife has pancreatic cancer

Mark,
I am so sorry I haven't had it in me to keep up with the forum, and I am sorry to go against your wishes and email you after reading that you did not wish any contact.
My husband, Sam, was in the hospital right around your first post and died on Oct. 2. I really understand how hard it is to see all the views and no responses. I will make no excuses BUT I am more than willing to share what I know if you think it would be a help.
Our son turned 14 last week and our daughter is 15. I didn't think I'd ever hear of a family with teenagers having a parent with Pancreatic cancer- I am sorry it has happened to your family too. My first post was looking for help for my kids...
I read through the post since Sam's death and noticed that you were looking for hope- I am so sorry to say that there is precious little of that on this forum. I don't think we intend to sound negative; in our case our Dr. would never let us stroll down the path of hope. I think he was being kind.
If you would like to ask me anything or run anything by me I will be happy to reply- no expert here, just someone who has very recently experienced some of what you are probably going through. Again I am sorry for not being able to reach out sooner. I hope your thanksgiving is peaceful.
Maureen ( Reenie)

markl007us · Regular Joined: 19 Aug 2006 Posts: 20

Thank you all for your replies. Also, please excuse my attitude in my earlier post. This is all such a whirlwind of emotion. My wife is in her fourth month and we wonder if she will be here Christmas. She is real tired now. She eats good. The doctor has her on MegAce which is an appetite booster. That helps her. But most of the time she is on her couch sleeping. I would say she sleeps about 16 to 18 hours a day. I think her little body is just tired. We had a nice Thanksgiving with our six children, two son in laws and four grandchildren. But at the end of the day it got sad for us all. Now Christmas. So many questions and not enough answers. Or at least not enough of the answers we want.

I will look back and I will pray for all of you and your situation. Pray for my wife and also pray for me as I prepare to continue on with our three boys.

Thank you again and I will be in touch.

God Bless You all, Mark

missumom · Experienced user Joined: 05 Jan 2006 Posts: 65

We all understand how much stress this must be on you, your kids and especially, your wife. It's physically, mentally and emotionally draining. I'm glad you guys had a nice Thanksgiving. You mentioned your wife is on medication that boosts her appetite and this is helping her. That is fantastic news! Very Happy

Just for her to be eating is great!!! She's probably sleeping a lot because of the pain medication; that's understandable.

Just hang in there and take good care of your wife, as well as yourself and your kids. I hope that a miracle comes your way. Stay strong...

atuke · Posted: Wed Nov 29, 2006 5:49 am Post subject: Re: my wife has pancreatic cancer

Hi Mark,

My sister died earlier this month from pancreatic cancer, she was 42 with three children a 17 year old and 12 year old twins. We kept asking ourselves the same question as you - how will we know when the time is approaching. Valerie was such a fighter, she was diagnosised in March with Stage IV. She was put on chemo and radium, both of these extended her time, but unfortunately for only a couple of months. The end came suddenly and was actually due to a perforated ulcer that was a side effect of the drugs that she was taking. It was a very peaceful way for her to go, no pain and very dignified so I'm not sorry that it happened this way.

A doctor told us that we may know the end is near when she becomes bedridden and it would be possibly 4/5 weeks from that point. Basically her body would start shutting down. I think you will know yourself when the time starts coming sooner. If she is eating well then this will help keep her strength up to fight for longer.

I'm sorry anybody has to go through this horrible illness, it's not fair for anybody to have to go through the pain and torture that it brings.
_________________
Adrienne

motherschild · New User Joined: 02 Dec 2006 Posts: 4

Mark, My mother was diagnosed in Feb 2005 with a tumor almost identical to your wife's. We have undergone the same treatments and the same results. She is now is a clinical trial at Scott-White after the Gemzar at MD Anderson stopped giving us results. Considering we were given 6-18 months, we feel blessed. My mother is a fighter and the strongest woman I know. She is 64 with a beautiful life, wonderful husband and three children. They had just retired a couple of years before this and built their dream home in the hill country of Texas. I guess I should be happy that she has it but the anger that she is being robbed of the rest of her life overwhelms me.
We are now in a rapid decent. She lost about 20 pounds to begin with and now can only eat a few teaspoons of soft foods daily. No meats or dairy and is forced to take 9 immodium every day because of severe diarreah. The doctor told me that soon, she will not be able to eat at all. The thought of that scares me to death. How can you sit back and watch someone you love starve to death? If your wife is still eating, still has an appetite, that is a wonderful sign. She still has months. You will know the time is short when she can no longer eat. I will keep you and your family in my prayers as you fight for her life with her. Be as strong as she needs you to be, fight as long as she wants to fight, and when she is ready to let go, allow her to. Everytime I hug all 90 pounds of my mothers little body, feeling every bone, I feel blessed that I still have this. Soon, I won't. I don't know how to deal with this as I have never had to. All I know is I want to spend every moment with her while she is still lucid. Soon she will not know who I am and that breaks my heart. Please let me know if there are any other questions you may have. I only wish that I had someone to talk to who was ahead of her so that I would have know what to expect.
God Bless you and your family.[/b]

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