Support via email?

satori22 · Regular Joined: 28 May 2007 Posts: 13

Hi,

I have a friend who is very sick and very alone. He is on the other side of the world and I only have contact with him via email. Does anyone have any suggestions for how I can cheer him up, support him, etc as he deals with his cancer. He is terminal and does not want to talk about his cancer at all. So basically I just want to make him as happy as possible and be there for him as much as I can. Any advice would be helpful.

Satori

brainman · Posted: Tue Jun 12, 2007 1:12 pm Post subject: Re: Support via email?

Satori, this site basically is a support via email to its members. It is very difficult to really share emotions with someone in this or email formats. However, at least you can let him know that you are thinking about him and care for him by sending emails to him.

Try to listen to your friend. Like feelings, it is so difficult to express empathy through an email. And many people do not want or need sympathy. They really just want to know that someone else truly hears their pain.

I can only imagine how it must hurt you not to be able to be with your friend at this time in his life. God be with you and with him.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

satori22 · Regular Joined: 28 May 2007 Posts: 13

hi,

What exactly do you mean when you say most people just want to know you "hear their pain", and how do you recommend I can show that in an email? He never ever talks about his pain or his condition at all. He avoids the topic like the plague. I want to acknowledge what he is going through and that I realize how hard it must be for him but without sounding like I'm pitying him. He would absolutely hate that. He has always been an extremely strong and independent person, who always had a hard problem admitting any kind of weakness at all. I know this must be torture for him, but I'm just not sure what to say. I tell him about my day and try to keep my messages light and funny, but sometimes I feel like maybe by doing so I am making it hard for him to talk about serious stuff, like the fact that he is dying. I want him to be able to express whatever he is going through with me, but I am not sure how to convince him that I really want to hear it and am not scared. He is so protective. I am very careful not to treat him as if he is his cancer and I usually try to talk to him as normally as possible. I do not want to run the risk of ignoring what he is going through though or the reality of the situation. It is a fine line to walk, i guess and I am a little unsure of what to do sometimes. Any suggestions at all will be greatly appreciated. I just want to do whatever will comfort him and make him feel loved. Thanks for your help.

brainman · Posted: Sun Jun 17, 2007 10:14 pm Post subject: Re: Support via email?

Hi Satori,

It is difficult to try to help someone who does not want to talk about the problem(s). I would not try to force him to talk. I would just send short reminders that you are still thinking about him. No, he does not need your pity (I used the word sympathy in my previous reply). But he does need to know that you are available and willing to listen whenever he wants to talk. You might also want to be honest with him about how you feel about his cancer and the thought of his death. You don't need to talk about it every time, but at least one time you do need to tell him. I think I can hear frustration in your messages. Maybe frustrated at him for not wanting to talk about his death. Maybe frustration with me for not being able to give you any better answers to your question. As I said before, it is very difficult to "hear" feelings in an email and certainly it doesn't help if the other person does not want to talk.

Keep posting about your feelings and your friend's condition.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

	Cancer Forums Forum Index -> Coping and Support	All times are GMT - 5 Hours
Page 1 of 1

A website for discussions about any type of cancer, including lung cancer, breast cancer, mesothelioma, prostate cancer, laryngeal cancer, leukemia, lymphoma, multiple myeloma and others