November 7, 2007... it has now been 15 years... my story

brainman

Well, I am back. The MRI was clear of any cancer or other abnormalities. I don't know if that is good news or bad Laughing

. However, for the foreseeable future anyhow, you are stuck with me Very Happy

My next MRI is next February.

P.S. This is my 950th post, but who's counting? Wink

_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

nell · Regular Joined: 19 Aug 2007 Posts: 25 Location: Ohio

HI JIM,

It is late and I just read about your MRI being today. I don't know how long it takes to get an MRI result, but I hope all went well today for you. I hope some anxeity has been relieved for you tonight. I just joined this site a few days ago (mom has GBM) and I wish to send you the caring support that you gave to me on my first day here.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. You are a wonderful person.
Nell

papaya

Wow, after reading your story I feel a lot better about my fiancé's own problems! I mean, if you can do it, surely something as silly as testicular cancer can easily be overcome.

I'm glad you're still in the clear! Best wishes to you. It's amazing what people can accomplish if they don't give up hope.

celluloidheros · Regular Joined: 23 Aug 2007 Posts: 21

Hi Jim, Best of luck to you, i'm glad you got some goods news, i would like top read up on your case and also hear about your moms case. Take care thanks for the kind words about my mom.
_________________
Thanks, CH

jenugl

Hi Jim, great to hear your MRI was clear Very Happy

. Why do you question whether that is good news or bad

How are you feeling now that the results are in? Thinking of you always. Love to all. Jen.

In

I had already PM you, But for the record- congratulations on a great result.

Looks like were stuck with you- Laughing

Keep up the hard work and heart.

Inica
_________________
Thinking of you Inica

*Administrator*

~Nose Cancer~
~Car Accident- Broken Back, Ribs, Spleen
Sternum~
~Continous Cervical Cancer~

My Story-
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=6731

Smile

9 Lives and still kicking Smile

brainman

I want to thank all of you for your prayers, support, and replies. It means a lot to me to be a part of this community.

Jen, there are times when I wonder why I am still alive. There are times when the fear of the future just seems to great to carry. There really are times when I just wish that the ____ thing would just grow back and finish me off. I may sound like a courageous fighter who has beaten the odds. But on this side of the Internet is a scared and often lonely man. Just telling you how SOMETIMES things are for me Wink

_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

jenugl

Hi Jim, thanks for the honest reply to my questions..... I'm glad you typed (sometimes) in capitals. No one can blame you for feeling depressed now and then. After all you have been through, depression must be a battle. Andrew and myself, who haven't been through half of what you have and we have a loving family around us, fights this from time to time. I know what you mean when the MRI is scheduled in - I feel like I'm going to throw up the day before and have little sleep, let alone what Andrew is going through. As you say - not from the procedure (Andrew says he doesn't feel a thing - and would also probably fall asleep if it wasn't so cold in there - I think someone gets trigger happy with the air-con control). I know you say that this forum community helps you alot - and let me tell you, I'm very glad that you have fought your disease and are able to be here contributing and talking to us. I, like I'm sure many others, would only be more than happy to put up with you typing away for many years to come Smile

- typos and all.... Laughing

I don't know what your sense of humour is like but recently I have been looking through the comedy sites on the internet and some are a blast - just the thing to lift ones spirits, even if it is just for a while. Anyway thanks once again and please let us know how you are feeling - good or bad - you're a gem. Love to all. Jen

brainman

Seeing as this is my 1000th post, I thought it would be an appropriate time to update my story of cancer and life in general.

I continue to experience right sided weakness, especially right arm and hand as well as lack of balance (which I associate with my right leg although I am not really aware of it being weak). However, I think these are life-long problems that medical science will be unable to reverse in the foreseeable future.

While this site often gives me great support and encouragement, it can, at times, also zap me of energy. So, I am trying to find other outlets to counterbalance the negative effects of "working" on this board so much of my time. I am looking for a forum or group where I can laugh and have some fun with others. Anyone have any suggestions, I need help locating one. So far, I have joined a group on yahoo for people with disability. It seems that I am a magnet for people who want to talk about their problems and not about having fun so it feels like work to me Sad

.

Outside of the house, I have started going to the local mall and walking several times a week. That not only takes my out of the house but it gives me much needed exercise and even some contact with "real" people Wink

My grandson continues to grow and to be the center of my family's attention Very Happy

. I am so proud to have him in our family! I just hope that he has inherited or will be taught some of my values... especially caring about others.

Anyhow, that is all the news worth knowing about my life... now back to work Laughing

_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

jenugl

Hi Jim - congratulations on your 1000th post - that's alot of typing..... I'm glad to hear your getting interests outside the world of cancer. It's not a bad thing to be on here but we all need a balance. I don't know any comedy forums, I just look around and read joke sites and read other peoples post on a variety of sites. It would be a good idea to become a member of a comedy forum. I hope you find one - I will let you and other members know if I stumble across one. Glad to hear your grandson is filling your heart with love and happiness. Love to all. Jen

In

Happy 1000's birthday- opps, i did mean post. Razz

On a serious note. I suffered alot of depression/ and do on and off. It manafested when I broke my back. ( I put massive weight on (from 54kg- too 120kg) and lost alot of friends, activities and adventures.

Even now though happy and sucure and healthy (fingers crossed). I still have times when i feel down or cronic depression. YOU- helped me Embarassed

And others like you, but mostly, your help, chats and concern...

So anytime you want to chat- or even just listen to me ramble (eases the quite in your head) I'm here.

Take care- In
_________________
Thinking of you Inica

*Administrator*

~Nose Cancer~
~Car Accident- Broken Back, Ribs, Spleen
Sternum~
~Continous Cervical Cancer~

My Story-
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=6731

Smile

9 Lives and still kicking Smile

rocketpup1 · New User Joined: 15 Sep 2007 Posts: 4

Hi Jim--
Words are so difficult for me to come by. I can see them and feel the need to say them to express how I feel but for the life of me at times I can't say them or find other words to describe a feeling. My neurologist calls it lesions on specific parts of my brain that was brought on by the 19 intense chemotherapy agents they used to battle my Leukemia.
I am on disability myself and was a Social Worker for nearly 10 yrs. I also have my LCSW but no longer practice as it requires too much intense concentration and memory -- neither of which I have anymore. I have learned to cope with the help of good ole pen and paper and thank goodness journals.
I was deeply touched when I read alot of what I feel in your discussion about your depression and outlook--at that particular moment--things in general. I suffer also from this deep dark place we go when we are depressed. I am ashamed to talk about it as a survivor of AML Leukemia. I should be so grateful for my survival for so many I knew--way too many I knew lost their brave fight. It is mainly a childhood disease and while enduring treatment 16 yrs ago I saw so many children with the same kind of Leukemia that I had -- that had the same hickman catheters hanging out of their chests--- with no hair --- being wheeled around by their parents & loved ones while holding on to and standing on the bottoms of those dag-gone beeping machines that pumped chemo, platelets, antibiotics, saline or whatever else they give folks. These little ones unlike my adult counter parts cared little about their hair. I am a child of the 60's so I could have cared less about hair either and ended up with a henna tattoo on the top of my head of Snoopy and Woodstock. The children loved it and would ask questions and move on. Adults looked on ---not only at me --but the children ---with pity--seeing their hair loss as just that --a loss. These children knew that this was only something that at one time they had and then it fell out = they kept on exploring and discovering and most importantly living and celebrating their lives and the moment. No focusing on what they had--but what they have!!!
I too more times that I will mention would late at night when others where asleep or needed a well deserved break from the horror of this disease we call cancer would too pacify these precious beautiful little ones while delighting in their squeels of excitement from wheeling around on those beep-beep machines that kept the Rx for that disease going. That image is forever imprinted on my brain and serves a constant reminder that 90% of those children ages 2 and up that barely could walk due to their young ages several days later were no longer there. l learned alot about living from them.

At times I feel guilty for being here and they are not. Trust me I am not dumping on you for I read where you said you seem to draw folks wanting to talk about the sadder aspects of this as I call it "ascribed role". Nobody has asked to be assigned as the patient and I know I never imagined I would be writing this email or a cancer survivor.

I felt the need to share with you something that a young man of 13 yrs old once told me when I was 37 yrs old at that medical facility in 1991. He told me that all each of has is today and nobody is guaranteed tomorrow. "Today is it. Do what you would put off to someday and do it today." I had heard these words said many times in my 37 yrs but not through the mouth of such a sweet and handsome young man who was attempting to help, comfort & heal at this moment by sharing his own personal experience of the world.

You continue to inspire folks. I can tell by your email friends and their responses. Cancer is cancer regardless of the type. As it has been said-cancer is a disease--it is not who you are. I choose to celebrate life in honor of those who are no longer here to celebrate with me and those who are. Cancer can't take away from you--your freedom to choose your attitude in any given circumstance--just as Victor Frankl wrote so many yrs ago regarding his surviving the concentration camps in Germany.

If you are still reading this--please know there are many that you touch who have not the courage to write or post an email --who may be feeling what you do--you are helping them to heal. Some heal through laughter-some through music--some thorough writing-some of us are driven-and from that help others heal--thanks for helping me heal by knowing I am not alone.
_________________
I celebrate Life-Bad Hair Days for there were days I had no Hair !!!. I am 16 ys and almost 1 mo cancer free. I get checked 1 time a yr. I had AML Luekemia but Leukemia didn't have me. Praise God--I remain free.

ksplat · Posted: Sun Sep 16, 2007 2:41 am Post subject: Hi Jim

Dear Jim,
How did the MRI go? I've been thinking of you & praying hard. I haven't been in touch for a while & feel like I've let people down. Being as active as I was early on.
How have you been? I hope to hear some good news from you soon.
Cheers Aussie Angie.
_________________
Brother has GBMIV
Diagnosed Feb 07
46 Yrs young!
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=19227

"Without Faith We Have Nothing"

brainman

rocketpup1, thank you for your reply. Other than different cancers, we do have a lot in common. It is good to have another long-term survivor on the forums.

Hi Angie, thank you for your prayers. My MRI was normal... nothing up there to worry about Laughing

Next one is scheduled for February 2008. Of course, I will get anxious as that time get close. Otherwise, I have been so so. Ok most days but still fighting depression.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

brainman

rocketpup1, thank you for your reply. Other than different cancers, we do have a lot in common. It is good to have another long-term survivor on the forums.

Hi Angie, thank you for your prayers. My MRI was normal... nothing up there to worry about Laughing

Next one is scheduled for February 2008. Of course, I will get anxious as that time get close. Otherwise, I have been so so. Ok most days but still fighting depression.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

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