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doxdad
New User
Joined: 20 Oct 2007
Posts: 6
Location: NW Pennsylvania
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 Posted: Sat Oct 20, 2007 11:19 am Post subject: I must not have looked far enough... |
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My wife's breast cancer returned after a valiant round of treatment a year and a half ago. This time it's terminal. Her time left? We're not quite sure. What I do find confusing is that none of the local cancer resources seem to have anything available for patients and families in this position...I'm dying, but I'm not dead yet... Am I wrong, or have I just missed resources? Who talks to you about your loss of job/career, how this affects your family, how about the patient's feelings? I mean, neither my wife or I can find anything. I'm SO TIRED of looking at survivor sites and reading survivor stories. That's wonderful. What about the women who don't win against breast cancer? What about their families?
If we didn't have strong faith and an active church life, we probably both would have gone even crazier with this. Knowing that others understand this or have found resources would be a comfort. Not quite ready for Hospice just yet.
Doxdad |
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brainman
Site Admin
Joined: 13 Oct 2005
Posts: 5613
Location: Tennessee
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| Posted: Sat Oct 20, 2007 1:16 pm Post subject: Re: I must not have looked far enough... |
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doxdad, I am so sorry about your wife's cancer. The information you provide is not enough to help you with the first question about how long she has. I know it was probably retorical. What kind of treatments has she and is she receiving?
Have you seen doctors at a major medical center? Often, they have things available for terminal patients. However, in such cases, the "cure" could be worse than the disease.
Has the doctor ordered hospice care for your wife? They are wonderful in helping the patient and family through the end. They can be a major source of support and information. You could also look to the American Cancer Society for the nearest support group. They often keep a list of Cancer Support Groups, even if they do not sponsor them all. Plus, in some areas there are Grief Support Groups and groups for families of terminally ill patients. And, of course, we are here for you and for your wife.
I will keep you and your wife in my prayers and thoughts.
_________________
Jim
Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendroglioma grade 3, same location.
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=2405
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=2528
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 3: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Twitter: @JimHawkins54 |
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Muttsmom
Top User
Joined: 30 Sep 2004
Posts: 629
Location: Northern AL
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| Posted: Sat Oct 20, 2007 1:33 pm Post subject: Re: I must not have looked far enough... |
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Hi Doxdad,
Like Jim, I need more info to try and help. There are many types of treatment for Stage IV ladies and I know many that have been Stage IV for MANY years and still leading happy lives. Have they said there is no more treatment available? There are SO many kinds of chemo, many taken by mouth and of course, the I.V. kind that do wonders for keeping Stage IV "stable" or even shrink them as far as where they can't be found anymore. I'm one of those that wouldn't travel to another State unless where I go wasn't doing a Trial that could help. If you have a really good onco, I don't think anywhere else knows anymore then another. If you are in a small city where you only have a choice of 1 or 2 oncos, then that's different. Small areas normally aren't able to participate in Trials, but those are usually only done after nothing else has worked. If her onco is saying there is nothing else that can be done, get a 2nd opinion!!!
_________________
Nancy
2/14/02 ILC 43 - 5.5 cm 9+/16 nodes
Stage IIIA er/pr+ Her2-
2/02 MRM
FECx6 radsx33
Tamoxifen - Arimidex (chemo induced menopause)
4/03 SM w/bilat. recon.
9/03 expanders removed
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10/04 Actonel for bone/joint pain from Arimidex
NED - 5 years
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In memory of Kim 12/1/04 |
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Vee Smith
Moderator
Joined: 12 Feb 2006
Posts: 1003
Location: UK
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| Posted: Sat Oct 20, 2007 6:32 pm Post subject: Re: I must not have looked far enough... |
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I am so sorry that you are facing this.
When I was diagnosed some years back with metastatic cancer, I was informed I was classified as a terminally ill patient. It was some time before I discovered that this did not mean I would die in the next year, and that stage IV is automatically termed "terminal".
My advice would be to insist on more precise information of what her stage is, and what available treatments there are that will help to hold the beast at bay. If necessary, seek a second or even third opinion from a centre of excellence.
Keep us informed, please, as cases such as this are close to us all. |
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In
Moderator
Joined: 18 Jul 2007
Posts: 1577
Location: AUSTRALIA
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| Posted: Sun Oct 21, 2007 4:50 am Post subject: Re: I must not have looked far enough... |
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Doxdad.
I'm sorry both of you are going through this. I hope that Jims (brainmans) advised sites help. We can help here too. not as much maybe, but we have all gone throught he same thing. and can tell you how we delt with those same problems etc.
I wish you luck and blessings.
_________________
Thinking of you Inica
~Nose Cancer~
~Car Accident- Broken Back, Ribs, Spleen
Sternum~
~Continous Cervical Cancer~
My Story-
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=6731
 9 Lives and still kicking |
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doxdad
New User
Joined: 20 Oct 2007
Posts: 6
Location: NW Pennsylvania
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| Posted: Tue Jan 20, 2009 4:40 pm Post subject: How strange to find my own post after such a long time |
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My wife is now in Hospice care. She gets weaker every day. Both she and I know that her life is nearly over. Our faith has allowed us to begin to accept this. I mean, it still stinks, but we're at peace with her impending death.
Since my retirement, I have had the opportunity to work at a funeral home for the last year. That experience (I've done it all) has given me the opportunity to look at death with much greater perspective. I guess that you'd have to experience it to understand what I've learned.
I will miss my good friend of 30+ years very much. But both she and I know that she will be in Heaven with no more pain. That's a huge comfort.
When I look back at the anger and frustration of my original post, I can't believe that I am so much calmer now. That, I know, is because so many people are praying for me and for my wife. It does make a difference.
The next little while will be a test of our strength. I hope to continue to do a good job all the way through. I'm glad to be able to recognize the change that has occured in me in just a little over a year. I guess I was supposed to stumble across my own posting today... |
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doxdad
New User
Joined: 20 Oct 2007
Posts: 6
Location: NW Pennsylvania
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| Posted: Wed Jan 28, 2009 9:51 pm Post subject: Re: I must not have looked far enough... |
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We're in the home stretch now. Maybe a day left. My kids and my mom have helped to make this a comfortable experience for my wife. Even the dachshunds take turns keeping vigil in bed with her.
The hospital bed and Hospice have allowed us to be able to do all of this in the comfort of our own home. What a blessing. It's hard work, but a true labor of love. We are blessed to be able to do this.
The finish line is in sight and Jesus is holding her trophy. |
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brainman
Site Admin
Joined: 13 Oct 2005
Posts: 5613
Location: Tennessee
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Cindy
Senior User
Joined: 01 Dec 2004
Posts: 178
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| Posted: Sat Jan 31, 2009 3:32 pm Post subject: Re: I must not have looked far enough... |
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[quote="doxdad"]We're in the home stretch now. Maybe a day left. My kids and my mom have helped to make this a comfortable experience for my wife. Even the dachshunds take turns keeping vigil in bed with her.
The hospital bed and Hospice have allowed us to be able to do all of this in the comfort of our own home. What a blessing. It's hard work, but a true labor of love. We are blessed to be able to do this.
The finish line is in sight and Jesus is holding her trophy.[/quote]
I'm so sorry doxdad. God bless the both of you and may your wife be comforted in His loving arms as she passes on into His Heaven. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this difficult time.
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Where is the cure???
www.truefacesofbreastcancer.org
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mymaria
Experienced user
Joined: 28 Feb 2008
Posts: 63
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| Posted: Mon Feb 02, 2009 4:39 am Post subject: Re: I must not have looked far enough... |
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My thoughts and prayers are with you and your wife. .
Richard
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doxdad
New User
Joined: 20 Oct 2007
Posts: 6
Location: NW Pennsylvania
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| Posted: Sat Feb 07, 2009 10:15 pm Post subject: Peace at Last |
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Today my wife finally passed quietly and peacefully surrounded by her family and her dachshunds. With my children's help and Hospice we were able to do this at home. What a blessing. Her healing came today in Heaven. She fought a good battle. I hope that we made her proud.
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My wife battled breast cancer for four years. She lost the battle with cancer, but won the war with healing in Heaven. |
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brainman
Site Admin
Joined: 13 Oct 2005
Posts: 5613
Location: Tennessee
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Vee Smith
Moderator
Joined: 12 Feb 2006
Posts: 1003
Location: UK
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| Posted: Sun Feb 08, 2009 12:32 pm Post subject: Re: Peace at Last |
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[quote="doxdad"]Today my wife finally passed quietly and peacefully surrounded by her family and her dachshunds. With my children's help and Hospice we were able to do this at home. What a blessing. Her healing came today in Heaven. She fought a good battle. I hope that we made her proud.[/quote]
My deep condolences.
I am so glad she was at home with those she loved. |
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. The two of you are in my thoughts and prayers.