My Grandma is not at all coping well with dad's dx- long

SESPARR · Regular Joined: 24 Oct 2007 Posts: 15 Location: COLORADO

Hello everybody, my dad's story is posted under the brain tumors forum.
So, after the emergency visit the other day, I decided to call my grandmother and let her know what was going on. She told me she wants me to do so. So, I barely get a couple words out, and she goes off on this rampage about how she thinks that dad does not have a proper healing environment at his wife's house. Her kids do live there, but I can assure you, they are no problem. She says she knows for a fact that the reason dad is sleeping so much is just to get away from them. I let her yell for like half an hour and tried to say here and there that I really don't think that is the problem, and that it is probably the tumors that are in his brain. Come to find out, she has been yelling at my step mom for months about how she thinks that dad should be living with her.

I know that maybe this is grandma's way of coping. But come on, as if it weren't hard enough on my step mom as it is, grandma is like putting salt in the wound. Dad is probably going to die, why can't this be a peaceful, beautiful, supportive time? How do I make my point clear to her without being disrespectful? Once she gets an idea in her head, there is no way convincing her otherwise. I wish I had a magic wand to make everybody be nice to eachother. It is sooooo frustrating.

Does anybody else have a dysfunctional family like mine that knows how to deal with this?

Sorry for the ranting. I will be posting an update in the brain tumor forum after dad's MRI and Neuro onc appointment on Tuesday.

Thanks!

dragonmom4

Rant all you want..but as for advice i have none, i'm so sorry. but i'm still here if you need to talk or rant ... i'm a great reader..with all my love , Kat
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jenugl

Hi SESPARR, I'm so sorry to hear of the extra emotional turmoil that you are going through - like you said, as if your fathers illness isn't enough. It's hard to know what to do in this situation but in my situation my partners brothers had been out of his life for about 15 yrs or so and then when he was diagnosed with GBMIV they came back into it. They unfortunately have brought some of their baggage with them and as it was stressing my partner out so much we told them that we would love them to visit and phone but as this is all about Andrew (my partner) fighting the biggest battle of his life and he needs to concentrate on that and to live as stress free and enjoy life as much as he can so if they want to create stress than that's their choice but they are to stay away from us. It sounds cruel but that's the way it is. I know different people handle their worries and stress differently but sometimes they need to be reminded that they can't make other peoples lives hell while doing it. My only concern is for Andrew and if others can't see that then that's their problem. I think it has sunk in and if I need to remind them in the future than I will. I hope you can work out some arrangement with you grandmother. Maybe try and talk with a counselor to help with mediating. Best of luck. Stay in touch and rant and vent your frustrations - it sure does help. Love to all. Jen.

In

SESPARR, I have been following your story. I think of you and your family often.

Sometimes you have to be brutel, especially with a headstrong person, who knows best. Rolling Eyes

(even if it is their own way of coping)

Do you think a letter- if you can't come out and discuss this. A letter telling her, the realistic things that are going to happen to your Dad. What you need to do for your Dad. (not for you, Step-mum, or even her), But for you Dad. His wishes. What this bikering is doing to your Dad, and the tension among you all.....

would that help? I have had to do many times with the Hubbie. Razz

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SESPARR · Regular Joined: 24 Oct 2007 Posts: 15 Location: COLORADO

Thank you guys for helping me out. It is nice to have people to talk to. I think the letter is a good idea, thanks. Thanks for reading Kat, and thanks Jen for taking the time to help me out. You guys are so nice, I am glad I found this place.

brainman

SESPARR, I do not know how "dysfunctional" your family is. I am sorry about the stress your grandmother is putting on you. It just might be her way of dealing with this terrible news about her son. It is all part of the grieving process... the anger, blaming, criticising, pushing loved ones away... she is bracing herself for what might happen next. I know that some of my family initially reacted that way when we heard about my mother's GBM. We are a relatively typical family... like yours Wink

.

Hang in there. Come online and rant whenever you need to.

You and your father and family are in my thoughts and prayers.
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