what to expect....

kellygreece · Regular Joined: 24 Aug 2007 Posts: 14

my dad's secondary liver cancer was diagnosed june 2006. Since then he has gone through various sets of chemotherapy, with either good or poor results. During all the procedures he has been very brave and optimistic, a true hero to my eyes, teaching me as always my most valuable lessons in life. Unfortunatly we are very near the end....For the first time one of his doctors gave me a time frame of 1-2 months, that was 15 days ago. Each day is harder an a step nearer his end. It;s so hard for all of us to cope with the situation and I can not start imagining how it is like for him..... I cannot stand seeing him deteroarate , being in pain and knowing there is nothing a can really do, more than being there for him. I cant help wondering what the next day will bring. He has jaundice, ascites (allready has been in the hospital once for a 7lt drainage and possibly will enter again tomorrow). He feels very week and can hardly get out of bed, usually spends his day in a recliner next the tv. He sleeps more and more by the day. His abdomen hurts and he complains about general pains (his feet his back ). I wish I knew how much time we have left and what further complications are coming. The doctors are not giving me the full picture, maybe because they dont exactly know what to expcect, maybe inr order to avoid shocking me. I wish I knew more , to prepare myself and my family in the best possible way. Please those of you having further information, kindly share it with me.

brainman · Posted: Sun Oct 28, 2007 7:09 pm Post subject: Re: what to expect....

Kellygreece, I am very sorry to hear about your father's cancer. You did not say where the primary cancer is. No one can really know what you should expect. However, if it is already spread to his liver, you are already seeing some of what you can expect. He will continue to get weaker as toxins continue to build up in his system. At some point, he will probably become unresponsive and go into a comma. I am truly sorry about the bad news. I wish you and your family the best during the difficult days ahead. Your father is in my thoughts and prayers.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

djonas · Posted: Mon Oct 29, 2007 1:01 pm Post subject: Re: what to expect....

Kelly:
I am very sorry to hear about your father. I just lost an older brother on September 23rd, 2007 to liver cancer. Reading your post brought back my journey with him. It is incredibly difficult to watch someone you love waste away from this dreaded disease. My brother also was hospitalized to have fluid tapped and they would up taking out 40+ pounds of fluid - I believe like 18 liters. He got great relief from that. Then the next two weeks following that hospitalization, he felt so good. His appetite was back, he was cooking and baking up a storm. Thanks to this forum, I recognized that he was having his "sudden burst of energy" which many dying cancer patients have. Then on the 22nd of September, he said he had not eaten anything for 2 days and had absolutely no appetite. Again, another symptom I had learned. Then on the evening of the 22nd, he asked that we take him to the ER because his spine was causing him incredible pain. We had a "comfort kit" from hospice and suggested applying a morphone patch and calling hospice personnel. He refused and wanted to go to the ER. Mind you, up until this night, he never took one pain pill or had anything done for his pain. He said he did not have any pain, which his doctors could not explain at all. So at the ER, they told us his kidneys were beginning to fail and that he would just get increasingly more sick the next few days. They gave him one oxycontin pain pill in the ER, along with a prescripton for more. My brother insisted we take him home and then go have the prescription refilled and bring it by his house in the morning. We wanted to stay with him that night as he lived alone, but he absolutely refused. Now I believe that he knew his time was nearing and did not want for us to have to go through watching him die. Although, initially, I was upset with him for that because I had EVERY intention of being there with him and he took that option away from me. But since I have resolved this within myself and realize that's the way he wanted it and that is what was most important.
It sounds as though your father is progressing exactly like my brother did and I totally understand what you are going through. My brother was diagnosed on August 10, 2007 and the next 9 weeks were the most awful in my life. I would get together with him and watch him eat, even at the beginning, and it was such a tiny bit, I found myself getting nauseous at the sight of food because here he was, could hardly eat anything and then I should sit and enjoy a meal? I think not. Well, I lost at least 30 pounds throughout this time, but that's okay. I'm still alive. All I can say is spend as much time as you can with your father. Also, there is much helpful information on cancer websites where I gathered my information early on and actually, my brother's symptoms were textbook as what were on these websites. Also, throughout our ordeal, I do not know where I got the resolve, but I never shed a tear in front of him because I knew that would upset him to see me upset. How I did this, I'll never know. I'm convinced that it was through the power of the Lord above. I kept things upbeat and tried dearly to keep my sense of humor with him, as did he. He was one of the most courageous people I have ever known and I miss him with all my heart. Keep your chin up and just be there for your father.
_________________
Missing My Bro'

kellygreece · Regular Joined: 24 Aug 2007 Posts: 14

dear djonas,
Thank u so very much for taking the time to write an answer, especially in a time so difficult for you. I am so sorry for your loss and I hope you find the courage and strenght to heal.

Your info gives me the general idea (in combination with what I have found on the net) of what to expect and hopefully helps me prepare for what lies ahead.

Each morning I wake up scared of what the new day might bring. Being a mum of two young boys and having a very demanding carrier, makes my days tough to get through, in order to keep my prioreties right and giving my dady the most time possible and the first place in my thoughts.

I am really scared and trying to cope with the whole situation. I just wish I can be strong enough for my dady and do the best (whatever that is...) for him and the rest of my family.

I pray he will be spared any more pain and hope he will be able to go as peacefully as possible, retaining his dignity.

Thanks again for sharing , it was very thoughfull of you. God give u peace and courage.

Thank u

Dear brainman ,
Dad's primary cancer was in the colon. Unfortunatly he had no indication or discomfort pain etc that could lead him to get further tests other than his regulars. By the time we found out the cancer had allready spread to his liver and was diagnosed as a stage Iv cancer. Thanks for the info you shared and for your kind words. In difficult times like this it helps to have all available support and knowledge.
Thank u

In · Posted: Mon Oct 29, 2007 10:20 pm Post subject: Re: what to expect....

kellygreece,

I'm so sadden by your Dad's Cancer. Life can be so cruel and so hard to understand sometimes. He is obviously needed elsewhere, and will always be there for you.

You are a blessing to your Father, You will be there for him, you will do what he needs and wants. You will be his savivour in the end. You are both obviously close, and will remain close- with memories.

Remember the good times, forget the bad. Remember the "daddy, and his little girl times". The laughter, the funny things. Those things will always stay with you both.

Please remember we are here for you.
I wish you all peace.
_________________
Thinking of you Inica

*Administrator*

~Nose Cancer~
~Car Accident- Broken Back, Ribs, Spleen
Sternum~
~Continous Cervical Cancer~

My Story-
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=6731

Smile

9 Lives and still kicking Smile

kellygreece · Regular Joined: 24 Aug 2007 Posts: 14

dear inica

Thanks for you kind words. I am trying to be strong for my dad and for my family, but I feel so .....mad and frustrated, since there is really nothing ....drastic I can do. I try to accept that being there for him is the best I can do, but it gets to me.
Today he had to take some blood tests, he insisted that I drive him to the doctor's and not to call a doctor to come home. He could hardly walk , but he fought so hard to make it. He walked slowly, with his chin high fighting every step of the way...It made my heart blead to see him thus. I fought back my tears and walked beside him, watching his every move, praying he would not fall. I was so very very proud of him and so very very sad at the same time.
Following the results of his tests, he will be once more hospitalised the day after tomorrow. I did not talk to his doctors so I do not know the why's and what's yet. They told him he needs some kind of tonic to deal with the "getting weaker by the day" issues. I fear, no I know it is not the truth. A part of me naively wishes everything will be ok and he will be able to go home again. On the other hand I cannot stand to see him suffer anymore and hope he leaves peacefully trying to believe something better awaits him.
So many contradictory feelings......
The possibility of not being with him at his last moments is getting me crazy, I can not stand the idea I wont be holding his hand.
Sorry everybody, I guess I am rumbling incoherrently.....

God bless u all and give you courage and peace.

Thanks for listening....er reading
---------------------------------------

Kelly

kellygreece · Regular Joined: 24 Aug 2007 Posts: 14

dad entered hospital today as planned. Mum spoke with his doctors, it's a matter of days they say.....there is nothing more they can do exept relieving him from pain and discomfort as much as possible.
He slept most of the time all day long and had just a few moments of lucidity...........

Crying or Very sad

brainman · Posted: Thu Nov 01, 2007 10:29 pm Post subject: Re: what to expect....

Oh, Kelly, my heart goes out to you and my prayers go up tonight for you and your father. These next few days will be very difficult. I was with my father when he died in a hospital just over one year ago. Thankfully, he died peacefully in his sleep... but I was not asleep. I was holding his hand talking gently to him about happier times and about how much I would miss him. Although the pain has eased a little, the rich memories live on. Through those memories, my father lives on.

May you find light an the darkest times.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

djonas · Posted: Fri Nov 02, 2007 8:59 am Post subject: Re: what to expect....

Kelly:
I hope it helps to know that we are out here sending up our prayers for your dad and your family. All of us who have lost loved ones to this most dreaded disease can attest that they certainly are in a better place when they pass away and are relieved of their pain and suffering. In my own case, for my own selfish reasons, I certainly wanted my brother to be with us much, much longer, but I know in my heart that it was better for him to pass away when he did to keep him from anymore further suffering. So for that, I am thankful.
I suggest reading the book, "Embraced by the Light," which is the account of Betty J. Eadie's experience with dying on the operating table and then being brought back to life. It gave me great comfort as she talks about life after death and was so reassuring that there is, indeed, such a thing. Also, that we truly will be reunited with our loved ones again. There is just time and space in between now and that point. Think of this, until that time, you have your very own special Guardian Angel (namely your dad) who will be watching over you!

Bless you and your family at this most difficult time. Keep your chin up and remember dad will be by your side helping you along the way.
_________________
Missing My Bro'

kellygreece · Regular Joined: 24 Aug 2007 Posts: 14

Thank u guys for being there. Reading your posts really helps and gives me strenght to carry on. Communicating with people who can understand what I am going through, gives me a different perspective in this dreadfull situation.
Dad was feeling a little bit better today. I know this wont change the final outcome, but it is nice to see that he doesnt suffer and it;s a blessing to have few good moments yet with him.
I am dreading each next day, but in a strange way feel stonger, for his sake.
I hope he will last as long as he feels good and will then go peacfully.

Thank u all for your time and kind words. Special thanks to u djonas I'll go find the book u wrote about.

God bless
------------
Kelly

kellygreece · Regular Joined: 24 Aug 2007 Posts: 14

dad is still in the hospital . The doctors did the 3rd drainage yesterday. He can hardly stand up and sleeps most of the day. His eyes are so yellow from jaundice. The doctors are just saying that we have reached the end, but cannot give us a time frame. My darling dad is fighting so bravely and with such courage and dignity. Despite the fact he can hardly get out of bed, he tries each day to walk just a few steps to strengthen his legs hoping he will get just a little better just to able to go home again. His doctor told us today that maybe he will be able to go home for the weekend if he wants it so very much.
I watch him closely every day fearing of the symptoms that will give me the sign that our time is running up. I feel relieved when I think the situation is stable, but also so scarred of what lies ahead. I know the end is near but I keep having the crazy hope of a miracle that will give us more time, realising how selfish I am by wanting to prolong what is so hard for him.
I thank God that he is not in terrible pain and that he has being able to maintain his dignity and pride. I hope he will be able to go on like this to his very last moment.
I took my little boys to the hospital yesterday to see him. They miss each other so much. He talked to them with so sweet words, with such love and wisdom. I felt so proud lucky and blessed to have had him in our lives.
It was a very touching and special moment I will cherish all my life and believe that so will my kids.

............................................
Thank u all for your support and kindness

kelly

brainman · Posted: Tue Nov 13, 2007 4:27 pm Post subject: Re: what to expect....

Kelly, I am so sorry your father is still in the hospital. It does sound like you have a wonderful, loving father. I am glad your sons had an opportunity to spend some quality time with him yesterday.

As always, you and your father are in my thoughts and prayers.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

kellygreece · Regular Joined: 24 Aug 2007 Posts: 14

dad died Sunday afternoon, after 24 hours in hepatic comma.
His funeral took place Tuesday noon.
I try to find solace by thinking he finally rested after so much difficulties and pain.
I hope he is in a really better place, where he truly deserves to be.

God bless u all and may he give us all the strength to fight our battles and cope with our losses.

----------------------------------

Missing my daddy.....
Kelly greece / george's (age 66) daughter

djonas · Posted: Wed Dec 05, 2007 3:46 pm Post subject: Re: what to expect....

Kelly:
I am so very sorry to hear your news. I can only imagine what you are feeling for sure, but I think I have somewhat of an idea. We must remind ourselves that if there was anything that we could have done to save our loved ones, we would have done it. As in my case, even all of the doctors and specialists could do nothing for my brother, so how could I have thought that I could save him? He knows that I would have done anything to keep him with us. I find solace in the fact that I truly believe he is in a much better place and also that I WILL be reunited with him some day. Until then, I have to be strong for those around me and remember that my time with them may be limited, too, for none of us know just when our time will come. I have been trying to make a conscious effort each day to get the most out of that day and enjoy the company of whomever I come in contact with that particular day because that is truly what matters most.
You will remain in my thoughts and prayers.
_________________
Missing My Bro'

kellygreece · Regular Joined: 24 Aug 2007 Posts: 14

dear djonas

I know you are right and I have accepted there was nothing more I could do. When I think of the whole situation rationally, I manage quite ok. But there are moments I am so engulfed in sadness that finding solace in these thoughts is so hard.
I guess in time it might get easier to run through happy memories and cherish them, even if now I just cry for those moments that will not come.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and for your kind words, it really helps to communicate with others who might know how it feels.

Thanks again !!

============
Missing my Daddy
Kelly Greece-George's (age 66) daughter

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