Step Father W/ Unknown Primary

RHagemann · New User Joined: 28 Jul 2007 Posts: 2

Hello Everyone,
I just found this site after spending countless hours trying to "learn" what my step father's going through so my family can better understand and give him what he really needs. I apologize for the lengthy post I'm about to type but I've always been a believer of more information is better than less.

My step father was diagnosed with inoperable cancer last December. In addition to this terrible disease, his doctors have yet to find a primary so his treaments have been geared towards more or less shotgunning to see what, if anything helps fight it. He's gone through radiation, chemo, and now hormonal treatments and as of last Tues, nothing is working to reduce the tumors. The Drs have found cancer in his Pancreas, Lungs, and Liver. All they tell him is that it's a very fast moving cancer and their basically trying to chase and treat something they can't put their finger on. He goes to Loma Linda Hospital and another one in LA.

Aside from having inoperable cancer, his spiritual well being has degraded to the point where he just sits in a chair literally all day long. He doesnt want to do anything, he doesn't want to go anywhere, and he won't even speak to my mother. He just sits there in a fog with the TV on, but he's not even watching it.

I'm in the military and live out of state so I'm limited on seeing him although I do call at least weekly to talk to he and my mom. My mom is reduced to non-stop crying all day as she's being forced to sit and watch her husband of over 25 years sit there just waiting to die.

During my last visit 2 weeks ago, I sat down and talk to him about this. I asked him what he was feeling. He said afraid, frustrated, and confused...all based on this unknown primary and the 3 or 4 changes the Drs have made in his treatments hoping to find something that will work. He said he's too tired to do anything, and he just wants to "rest". I know him well enough to know that his answer and what he's doing is not normal. When he was diagnosed last year, aside from the terrible fear that has to come with his diagnosis, he was very positive, very spiritual and was in this to fight it! As hard as it is to say, I can understand his apparent desire to throw in the towel and just wait but we all find it hard to watch and let him do.

Can anyone give me, us some advise on our situation please? How normal is this. Has anyone else gone experienced this and what did you do?

Thank you in advance for reading this and your time. My thoughts and prayers are with everyone afflicted and every family member as they cope with cancer and their loved ones.

V/R,
Rob Hagemann
MSgt, USAF
Las Vegas, NV

brainman

Rob, I feel so terrible about your step-father's lack of a specific diagnosis! It must be extremely frustrating for him... I know it would be for me. I assume that the doctors have done a biopsy of these tumors? If they have not, they should. It at least will give them some indication of cell type and source of origin.

Having said that, it is not that rare to have, for example, a lung cancer that has spread to other organs but the original tumor cannot be found. I do not know any statistics on how often that happens, but I have heard about these situations occurring many times before. It seems like the doctors at Loma Linda could at least know a general cell type they are trying to treat.

Unfortunately, if it has spread to multiple organs, there isn't one right answer for treatment and what his medical team is doing sounds rather normal. It is not just trying different treatments to see what works. I would bet my last dollar that the doctors at Loma Linda are at least following a logical order of treatments. You and I might not be able to see the logic, but I would bet that there is a logic behind the treatments he has received.

As for his emotional state, it is hard to say what he is experiencing. Anxiety, fear, and depression often accompany a diagnosis of cancer. Inform his medical team about his emotional change(s). They can treat that also.

You and your step-father are in my thought and prayers. Keep us informed.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

RHagemann · New User Joined: 28 Jul 2007 Posts: 2

Late yesterday afternoon, my step-father passed. Since my post in June, the Dr's have told us that based on the path and speed of which his cancer had taken, the primary was more than likely Pancreatic, but still not certain.

As his condition worsened over the past week, the blessing is, he got to see all of his family before he let go. I think that he was waiting for that in some way. Call it closure, or whatever but as he struggled to get air the night before last, he held my mother hand...his last words to her were, I'm afraid....I don't want to leave you. My mother, god bless her strength, told him it was ok...and that she would be ok, and see him again. He had a blood pressure cuff on and was at 260 over 140.....after my mother spoke those words to him, he relaxed and his blood pressure dropped to a more stable level....shortly after that....still holding my mothers hand....he relaxed and took his last breath. Although he was heavily medicated, I believe he subconsciously knew what was going on, and received the closure he needed by hearing that my mom would be ok, and that it was ok for him to let go.

God bless you all for sharing your helpful experiences.....they have helped my family and I thoughout this trying time.

God Bless You All,
Rob

	Cancer Forums Forum Index -> Coping and Support	All times are GMT - 5 Hours
Page 1 of 1

A website for discussions about any type of cancer, including lung cancer, breast cancer, mesothelioma, prostate cancer, laryngeal cancer, leukemia, lymphoma, multiple myeloma and others