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Mahshad
New User
Joined: 16 Nov 2007
Posts: 3
Location: canada
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 Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 2:49 am Post subject: My has cancer, she is so aggressive |
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My mom is suffering from an advance metastatic breast cancer.
It is being a nightmare for my family.
Specially that we are new immigrants here so we don’t have anybody here
It’s just me, my mom, my dad and my sister.
My mom is being so aggressive... she is just screaming all the time
Blaming us that her cancer it our fault.
I just feel that we are running out of time so i want to be with here and spend more time with her although i am a full time student.
But she won’t let that happen! Every time that I and my sister try to do something for her we end up being blame. And she is never satisfied with the things that we do for her. I don’t want her to thank me I just want her to be happy....
I just feel so lost i don’t know what to do
Please help me!! |
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In
Site Admin
Joined: 18 Jul 2007
Posts: 1362
Location: AUSTRALIA
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| Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 3:04 am Post subject: Re: My has cancer, she is so aggressive |
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Mahshad,
I feel for you. Not only do you have to deal with Your mothers diagnosis- but also her feelings too. This is her way of dealing with it. She feels out of control, and needs to blame someone to feel that control back.
Please don't take it personal- I can tell by reading your post that you do understand in a way why she is doing this. BUT it is unfair, and selfish.
My husband's best firend's Dad, had lung Cancer. he was very bitter and mean in the end. It got to the point that the son felt he couldn't be in the same house, couldn't spend that precious time with him.
Close to Wayne's end. Anothony had to just say how he felt. He told his dad, that he wasn't the only one feeling pain, suffering, or fear. That he wants to spend time with his dad. be father son again. Share this special time, learn about his dad. and be there for him. Brad even was rude, and made Wayne feel some guilt to the way he was behaving.
If Wayne couldn't see this, then he wouldn't be there. As he wants to remeber him as he was, not what a bitter old man he had become......
I'm not saying this is the way to go- but an idea. I do hope that things get better for you all...I often recommend a letter, sometimes easier than saying face to face.
good Luck
_________________
Thinking of you Inica
*Administrator*
~Nose Cancer~
~Car Accident- Broken Back, Ribs, Spleen
Sternum~
~Continous Cervical Cancer~
My Story-
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=6731
 9 Lives and still kicking |
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Mahshad
New User
Joined: 16 Nov 2007
Posts: 3
Location: canada
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| Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 3:24 am Post subject: Re: My has cancer, she is so aggressive |
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I wish i was being selfish....
I'm just 20 and i have to do everything by myself here
specially that she doesnt speak english so she cant even go out and find friends she cant even communicate with her own doctor.. so it's just me here with this huge reponsibilties
i just dont want to be alive
i wish there was a way for me to deal with this situation... |
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brainman
Site Admin
Joined: 13 Oct 2005
Posts: 3931
Location: Tennessee
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| Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 3:59 am Post subject: Re: My has cancer, she is so aggressive |
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Hi Mahshad, I am very sorry for your mother and for you too. It is hard enough to care for someone without having to deal with their irrational anger. What you need to remember is that your mother is angry and isolated. Not angry at you but at the cancer; you are just a closer and maybe safer target for her anger.
A psychology teacher of mine once said that there are two types of people: Those who say "goodbye" with expressions of love and tears and those who say "goodbye" with anger and tears. In some way, this second group thinks it will be easier on everyone if they push everyone away by getting angry all the time. I do not expect that anything I am telling you will help you to change how your mother is responding to her cancer, but I hope it helps you to deal with her. By staying in her anger, you are showing her that you love her and will not leave her no matter what comes in the future or what she thoughs your way.
Staying with an angry person is very hard to do. You will need your own support system where you can go to regain your own sanity. I know that I had to do that. All care givers need a support group around them. You may need to see a counselor or therapist... someone who can help YOU identify new coping mechanisms while caring for your mother. It will not be easy because, on the surface at least, your mother does not want you to "take care of her." I put that in quotes to make a distinction. She may not want to "take care of her" but she does need you to "care for her". But in order to do that, you need to "take care of yourself."
You and your mother are in my thoughts and prayers.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/ |
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Mahshad
New User
Joined: 16 Nov 2007
Posts: 3
Location: canada
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| Posted: Fri Nov 16, 2007 2:39 pm Post subject: Re: My has cancer, she is so aggressive |
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Thanks a lot Jim i think i do need to find a counselor... because like this i can just hurt her and myself..
the new thing with her is that she has stopped going to her chemo sessions!!
this morning she didnt go and i couldn't force her (i can't force my mom for go sakes)
I feel so angry with everything
i want her to talk to a counselor too but she doent speak english and she wont let me there as her translator.
God of you are there please show ma way!!! |
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brainman
Site Admin
Joined: 13 Oct 2005
Posts: 3931
Location: Tennessee
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| Posted: Sat Nov 17, 2007 4:38 pm Post subject: Re: My has cancer, she is so aggressive |
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Mahshad, maybe your mother would speak with her minister/priest/rabbi/imam/holy man? If you can get her to speak with anyone it would help her. But you can only make one person do anything or change something and that is you. That is why it is important for you to find someone who you can speak with who has training in counseling.
Best wishes.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/
Last edited by brainman on Sun Nov 18, 2007 3:21 pm; edited 1 time in total |
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Cindy
Senior User
Joined: 01 Dec 2004
Posts: 156
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