Mother-in-law refuses to see dr. and we're ALL concerned

Muttsmom

Hi Jayme,

My guess is the hospital won't let your 4 1/2 year old up there to see your MIL. That will take the decision making out of your hands and will ease the stress of you having to make a decision. Maybe he could draw a picture for his grandmother, something bright and cheery. A phone call would be a nice treat for them both.

Please let us know what the test show and when she's able to start treatment. I would think the chest x-ray would be back the same day. Have you asked the doc about that one?

Please keep us posted.

Hugs and prayers from another Nancy Smile

_________________
Nancy
2/14/02 ILC 43 - 5.5 cm 9+/16 nodes
Stage IIIA er/pr+ Her2-
2/02 MRM
FECx6 radsx33
Tamoxifen - Arimidex (chemo induced menopause)
4/03 SM w/bilat. recon.
9/03 expanders removed
5/04 repair reconst. disaster
10/04 Actonel for bone/joint pain from Arimidex
NED - 5 years
3/07 Diabetes
In memory of Kim 12/1/04

brainman

My guess is that they will let you do whatever you want to do in terms of having your son visit your mother-in-law in the hospital. She is not contagious and as long as he is healthy, she will not be in any greater danger than if she where at home seeing him.

Children can often bring up touchy subjects that me adults want to avoid. Bravo for them Smile

. We could all learn from children.

However, you might first want to ask your mother-in-law if she wants to see him in the hospital.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

Muttsmom

The hospital there don't have an age limit Jim? They might have changed it here since my nephews and niece were young, but none of the hospitals here allowed anyone under, I think 10 to visit. My guess is (and it's only a guess) because of disturbing other patients if they were to be cranky. Older kids understand more about needing to behave in a hospital and why. I guess I need to check around here in case it ever comes up.
_________________
Nancy
2/14/02 ILC 43 - 5.5 cm 9+/16 nodes
Stage IIIA er/pr+ Her2-
2/02 MRM
FECx6 radsx33
Tamoxifen - Arimidex (chemo induced menopause)
4/03 SM w/bilat. recon.
9/03 expanders removed
5/04 repair reconst. disaster
10/04 Actonel for bone/joint pain from Arimidex
NED - 5 years
3/07 Diabetes
In memory of Kim 12/1/04

brainman

When I was first diagnosed, my son was only 3 years old. Yes, there was a "rule" that you had to be at least 12 to visit patients... mainly out of concern for infections. But if you insist with them, they cannot show any studies that justify that arbitrary line. My son rarely remained anywhere but in my room. I have seen babies crawling around on hospital floors. That does concern me. However, I always fall back on the questions: "What is best for the patient?" and "What is the Hospital's responsibility to treat the whole patient?" I think seeing my son was a very important motivational factor in my recovery.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

vielavesta

When I was at the hospital on Thursday evening, I saw some children visiting patients. Many were roughly my son's age. As far as GBMC's rules, it seems that they do have some rules, but were not enforcing them. Many patients had more than 2 visitors at a time and no one ever mentioned or announced the "end" of visiting hours. People came in and out, and I kept expecting to be told to leave, but never was.

I tend to agree with Jim about the kids visiting - I would never let my younger two crawl around on the floor certainly! However, I wouldn't think twice about bundling everyone into the double stroller and heading on over. (Hey - it can't be too much worse than the risk of infection at playgroups, daycares, etc!) Thankfully, my children are so patient and rarely need to be removed from a situation, but of course, I'd be aware of their noise/activity level and if it got to be too much, we'd simply leave!

I did take my kids to visit Nancy this evening at her house. She was very much herself tonight, which was great to see! I think being at home has rejuvenated her a bit. She is very anxious about Wednesday - we all are! - but she seems to be dealing with everything rather well! The kids loved seeing her and she was thrilled to see them, as well. It was a great time!

Will post on Wednesday when the results are in... Thank you for your continued thoughts, prayers, and support!

Jayme

In

Jayme,

good luck for the Drs, hope all goes well. Fingers crossed.
_________________
Thinking of you Inica

*Administrator*

~Nose Cancer~
~Car Accident- Broken Back, Ribs, Spleen
Sternum~
~Continous Cervical Cancer~

My Story-
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=6731

Smile

9 Lives and still kicking Smile

brainman

The infection issue can go both ways. Most chemotherapies do reduce the body's ability to fight off infections. So if a child is ill or recently ill, definitely do not take him/her to an oncology unit.

Hope all goes well with the surgery.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

Cindy · Senior User Joined: 01 Dec 2004 Posts: 156

Hi Jayme. I just saw your post. Just wanted to chime in and say how sorry I am that MIL even has to go through this horror. Initially, when I read that she had become reclusive, I thought...depression. Then as I read further, what I saw was a women who figured she had cancer and was going to die...so she started distancing herself from friends and loved ones in an effort to make her "passing" less painful. I hope that is making sense. I think that what she thought was that if she stopped bonding with her grandchildren...they would not mourn her loss so much. My greatest sorrow in being diagnosed with cancer was not death. It was the pain of realizing that my children would lose their mom and my grandchildren would never get to know me or me to be able to meet them. I cannot tell you how painful that was to me. I don't mean to compare your mom with a cat but sometimes cats and other animals go off to be by themselves when they die. Who knows why they do that. It just may be a part of nature. Anyway, I am sending thoughts and prayers to your MIL and hope that they can help her.
_________________
Where is the cure???
www.truefacesofbreastcancer.org
www.diepbreastreconstruction.org
www.bcsisters.org/forum
www.mybreastcancerstore.com

vielavesta · Last edited by vielavesta on Tue Dec 04, 2007 8:29 am; edited 1 time in total

Thank you, Cindy, for your thoughts and insight. What you suggested made total sense to me. Knowing Nancy and how amazingly giving she is, it wouldn't surprise me if she just wanted to minimize the pain of her passing to everyone around her by distancing herself from all of us. Of course, it's a sad, terrible thought, but it's understandable nonetheless.

The latest:

Wednesday, the day before Thanksgiving, Nancy was officially diagnosed with Stage IV cancer that started in her breast and has metastasized to her lungs, femur, jaw and cheek. The doctor did not put a time 'limit' to her struggle, but did say that she would never be cancer-free and thus, they were going to start very aggressively with chemo. Nancy was scheduled to start chemotherapy last week but apparently encountered some issues with her insurance company. Once that is resolved, she will start chemo. I am unsure of any further, more detailed information, but what I was told was that the course of therapy is so aggressive that she can only be treated once a week for 3 weeks and then a week off.

I don't know what to think. I don't know much about cancer that has spread what appears to be quite a bit. I don't know the technical or medical terms or what they mean. But what I do know is that there is an incredible power in positive thinking... and unfortunately, Nancy thinks chemo is a lesson in futility for all of us. So please, please pray that Nancy begins to see this as an amazing opportunity for support, faith and love, and please pray that we (her family) will have the wisdom and strength to carry her when she can no longer walk on her own.

Thanks so much for all of your kind thoughts and continued prayers.

Jayme

In

vielavesta,

I hope the treatments will help- at least a little, to give some extra time.
I hope that Muttsmom- nancy- will reply to you, She has more of an idea of what you are going through.

Just know i'm in your thoughts..
_________________
Thinking of you Inica

*Administrator*

~Nose Cancer~
~Car Accident- Broken Back, Ribs, Spleen
Sternum~
~Continous Cervical Cancer~

My Story-
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=6731

Smile

9 Lives and still kicking Smile

Cindy · Senior User Joined: 01 Dec 2004 Posts: 156

Jayme, there is still so much hope for your MIL. I don't know why her onc would even tell her that she will NEVER be cancer free. How does he know? I've been on these forums for years and have read hundreds of posts. I can tell you that I know of MANY women who were stage four, who were brought into remission. One lady I know of had 9 large tumors in her liver. She has been cancer free for a few years now. Don't let the docs negativity get you down. There is still hope. My prayers are with MIL.
_________________
Where is the cure???
www.truefacesofbreastcancer.org
www.diepbreastreconstruction.org
www.bcsisters.org/forum
www.mybreastcancerstore.com

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