My last year

CarpeNoctem · New User Joined: 23 Nov 2007 Posts: 5

last year i had found out that my mother was diagnosed with liver and lung cancer, she had never smoked and rarely drank in her life. Over the last few months, my mother has become increasingly worse. She throws up most of her meals, spends half of her life in a dazed drug induced state...acting like somone who had just taken a handful of xanax . When she is her "normal" self she spends her time being depressed and crying. She now cannot even move by herself.

Over this time ive developed a very bad opioid addiction..an evryday addiction....now i can only feel normal when i have some form of opioid in my system. my grades have always been bad due to me not caring and having add. Now i just foudn out my mother is supposed to die this month. I have two younger sisters one of them traumitized by these events and i have to take care of them so my dad can work so we can keep our house. I am only 16 years old and have the responsibility of someone twice my age, you can understand it is very difficuly.

For some reason i dont have the ability to cry or even become upset about my mtohers state...i dont know whats wrong with me..maybe ive fried my endorphins from drug use.

does anyone have any suggestions on any ways for me to cope with this..im not sure how longer i can last...sorry if i come off as a whiny and complaining teenager as im sure i do.

brainman · Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 6:39 pm Post subject: Re: My last year

I am really sorry about your mother's diagnosis. My mother and father both died of cancer... different types though. I also have a history of gliomas (primary brain cancer).

Probably the best thing you can do for yourself and for your mother is to seek help for your addiction. Your addiction will only make things harder for you... not easier.

You and your mother are in my thoughts and prayers.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

CarpeNoctem · New User Joined: 23 Nov 2007 Posts: 5

thankyou for responding i really appreciate it...but im not quite sure telling my parents im a drug addict will really help anything..but make things much worse for me and them

ksplat · Posted: Fri Nov 23, 2007 7:12 pm Post subject: Re: My last year

Hello CarpeNoctem,
I am sorry to read about your family's circumstances & your Mother's cancer. This sort of illness changes the whole family dynamic & naturally each person reacts differently & in their own way.
I don't believe that your being "unemotional" or "hard" to your family's problems indicates your addiction is the cause but it certainly wouldn't be helping you face these problems logically. Perhaps it is that you are withholding these emotions to remain strong & steadfast for your Sister's & Parents. Especially if one of your Sister's is "not coping" so well!
I don't believe you should offload your addiction problems to your parents either, but you do need to get help from someone. Is there a school counsellor or counselling service available in your district? I would be seeking help with an affiliated service for drug users.
You're defininitely not a whiny, complaining teenager. You have so much more to deal with than most teenagers, so much responsibility for such a young person. You are also facing this in a very adult way by seeking support & advice from "like-minded" people on this forum. Talking about your problems is a huge step for anyone & you can write on this forum as much as you like about any of your worries. We are here to help & support you.
I admire you for your sensibility & loyalty to your family.
I do hope you can get more support & help "close to home" I'm sure this will be invaluable for you.
You & your family are in my thoughts & prayers. Please, please remember we are here for you - anytime!
Cheers, Aussie Angie.
_________________
Brother diagnosed with GBMIV Feb 07
Treatment: Radiotherapy, Temodal, Gliadel Wafers, Dexamethasone, Keppra, Dilantin, Clexane
Went to our Heavenly Father after a 19mth battle,, 47 years young.
23 Sep 2008
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=19227

"Without Faith We Have Nothing"

In · Posted: Sat Nov 24, 2007 6:36 am Post subject: Re: My last year

I agree with Angie- You are not a wingy kid...Just you have alot more to deal with than other teenagers at your age.

I'm sorry about your Mum, and sooo sad by your addiction. I have had many friends suffer from addictions and even die. I DO beieve you need help and now- as things will be so much harder with your mum so ill, and even as her time ends.

Get some help- now while you can, Get well and strong for your family. For your sisters- be a role model- show them how great you can be.

Good Luck- and always know we are here for you- no matter what decsion you make.
_________________
Thinking of you Inica

*Administrator*

~Nose Cancer~
~Car Accident- Broken Back, Ribs, Spleen
Sternum~
~Continous Cervical Cancer~

My Story-
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=6731

Smile

9 Lives and still kicking Smile

LostMyFriend · Posted: Sat Nov 24, 2007 8:37 am Post subject: Re: My last year

I too am SO sorry to hear that you have so much serious responsibility at such a young age. I agree with the previous posters in that you need to get some help, help for you and help for your mother. Have hospice been called? They are wonderful people. Is there a teacher you can talk to? Do you have a church or did your mom volunteer with any organizations that the ladies can come in and give you some relief? I also know that teens in our school district are given time off for family crisis and the school works with them by providing tutors and the likes. It would be in your best interest to talk to a counselor at school.

My prayers are with you...

CarpeNoctem · New User Joined: 23 Nov 2007 Posts: 5

she died this morning ...soon thereafter i flushed all the drugs

brainman · Posted: Mon Nov 26, 2007 9:00 pm Post subject: Re: My last year

Ohh CarpeNoctem, my heart goes out to you. I am very sorry about your mother's death. I also know about the heavy loud this places on your shoulders. It is so unfair to expect so much from someone as young as you.

While I am glad you flushed the drugs you will need to find other coping mechanisms to help you make it through this dark time in your life. Do you have a good, drug free support system in place? There are all sorts of free 12 step programs that are open to drug uses... like Narcotics Anonymous or even Alateen. Even some AA groups are open to people wanting to deal with their addictions. Although you will always find us open to helping you, there is nothing like having face-to-face, "real" people to talk with when things really are hard.

You continue to be in my thoughts and prayers.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

bestfriends · New User Joined: 26 Nov 2007 Posts: 7 Location: australia

My heart goes out to you CarpeNoctem.. I can only begin to imagine what you have ahead of you but you are taking the right road by throwing away the drugs,, Its a lot for a you to have to take on all at once.. I do hope you have some sort of support near by friends, family or local church??
Im sending you big hugs Carpenoctem,
You will be in my thoughts & prays.. God bless you...

In · Posted: Tue Nov 27, 2007 3:10 am Post subject: Re: My last year

CarpeNoctem.

I shed a tear with you today. I hope her passing was quick and as pain free as possible.

I congradulate you on flushing the drugs, but this is only the first step to many many many steps to come. I'm proud of you, and know your mum would be so proud, to see you trying to be the best you can be for her. (as Us mothers want from our children). You need to get proffessional help and beat this thing, once you have yourself helped, you then can help your family.

Take Care and Like Jim said there is help, and you need to get it. BUT we' are also here.
_________________
Thinking of you Inica

*Administrator*

~Nose Cancer~
~Car Accident- Broken Back, Ribs, Spleen
Sternum~
~Continous Cervical Cancer~

My Story-
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=6731

Smile

9 Lives and still kicking Smile

ksplat · Posted: Tue Nov 27, 2007 2:18 pm Post subject: Re: My last year

Dear CarpeNoctem.
I am so very sorry to hear of your Mother's passing. My thoughts & prayers are with you.
Congratulations on taking the first positive step toward helping your drug addiction. You will definitely need to follow this up though with real help for yourself. If you don't follow up the drugs will be the first thing you turn to when you are feeling weak & emotional. You need support from outside your family circle.
All the best & God's blessings.
Aussie Angie.
_________________
Brother diagnosed with GBMIV Feb 07
Treatment: Radiotherapy, Temodal, Gliadel Wafers, Dexamethasone, Keppra, Dilantin, Clexane
Went to our Heavenly Father after a 19mth battle,, 47 years young.
23 Sep 2008
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=19227

"Without Faith We Have Nothing"

happyfeet · Regular Joined: 11 Dec 2007 Posts: 12 Location: London UK

Carpenoctem - how are you doing?
You have made a new beginning for yourself by flushing your drugs.
You quite clearly know yourself and know you have strength.
Remember there a lot of people out there who can help you (and your sisters) and one day I hope soon, you will find those people.
Hang on and best wishes.

LostMyFriend · Posted: Tue Dec 11, 2007 9:14 am Post subject: Re: My last year

I have been away from the forum for a while working on a large project. I was so sorry to log in just now and read about your mother's passing. It is my belief that she is now in a better place, one free of pain and worry.

I too would like to know how you are doing? How is your father doing? This is a hard time of year to lose a loved one. Have you been able to get back to school? Has a counselor spoken to you.

You are in my prayers.

mybabiesbaby · Regular Joined: 12 Aug 2007 Posts: 31

I am heartbroken behind your story and my prayers are with you and your family at this time...I am twice your age and find it difficult to deal with my own mothers illness...I can only imagine what you went through and what you are feeling now.

I am glad to know that you threw the drugs away...I would suggest talking to your school therapist to help you deal with everything you went through and what you are dealing with now...Please keep us posted and God Bless You.
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Donate Life
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~Evelyn

Mom has HEP C, Cirrhosis and HCC
Diagnosed with HCC July '07
Successful Liver Transplant on Jan. 19, 2008
Moms Story (Illness):
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=6951

Moms Story (Transplant):
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8517

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