Please have hope

staceymr2 · New User Joined: 02 Dec 2007 Posts: 2

My name is stacey and iv just turned 24. I live in England in a place called brighton

I thought I would tell you all my last year and my battle with HL. Im sorry for my spelling but im not too good with it

Last November I found 2 lumps in the right side of my neck the size of minstrals. I went to the docs who done a blood test which did not show much but another lump deep in the left side of my neck showed up. He made me an appointment with the ENT doc. I was very poorly when I turned up as my lumps had got infected. That day they did as many tests as they could to help find my problem. 4 days later I was told it was they were tumours but they did not know what it was. This was 4 days before xmas.

On the 4th of Jan this year I went and had one removed. After it was removed I got even more poorly. I was sent for an xray and the bad news was it showed a gap in my chest. I went for a CT scan the same day and an appointment was made with the oncology unit for the next day.
I arived and was told the CT showed I had lumps on my chest. By this time it was 2 half weeks since my lump was removed, I asked for the doc to try and find out the answer before I left.
He came back in half hour later and told me I have stage 2a Hodgkins Lymphoma and I was to start ABVD next week.
This will sound so silly to most but I was more upset I was going to lose my long hair and left in floods of tears feeling so alone.

I had accepted I had cancer as I knew deep down what it was the day I found the first lumps. I did not see the point in getting upset in the end after i was told. I had what I had and if I shed 1 tear or a million it would not help me fight it. So with my head held high I started my chemo

I found the first 3 ok but things soon started to get worse and worse and worse. The chemo docs do try and get you ready for what you are about to go through, but untill you go through it you will never understand or be ever ready for it.
I was so so sick in my self and physily, did not eat, had thrush in my mouth, my hands and feet were so so sore. My belly was up and down. I could not understand why I felt so unwell did not want to move out my bed, I was so tired. I put a huge front on things to try and stay strong but often I would sit on my bedroom floor on my own in tears due to feeling so unwell. I could not take a pill to make it all go away. My hair was falling out. Then the real problem started. My mind started to relise that to my body chemo is a poision. It may attack my cancer but also all the good cells in my body. Every other Monday i felt sick from the min I woke up. I got to the clinic feeling sick and sweating and wanting to run so far away, I did not want to be hooked up no more and sat and cryed. I was jelours of everyone in that room. They would bring there daly papers in, sit and eat there lunch. I could not understand how they were copeing, how they felt ok. They ended up giveing me valluim to carm me down as I did brake down in the middle of the clinic and had to get my friends to pick me up as I was a mess.
I was being scaned all the way through.
I got to my 8th regimen (2 chemos to every 1 regimen) and said to my self I could not take no more. I just could not take it. I was too weak in my mind as well as in my body to take any more of this. I had my scan and on the results day, before my doctor said anything I told him I could not do anymore no matter what he told me. Well that day I had luck on my side. From my last scan to this one the tumours had not got any smaller. This ment I did not need anymore chemo. I cryed my little heart out. He went on and said this ment 1 of 2 things. Either the cancer had got emuin to the drungs or the chemo had killed my cancer but I had a 5 week grulling wait to find out.
I decided to take my self to corfu. I needed a rest, a chance to relax and recharge and forget the world. I ended up loseing the rest of my hair there but that was the last thing on my mind. lots of sun sea and booze did me the world of good.
I came back and a few weeks later had my PET CT and had another 2 week wait.
The end of my 6 month battle was in the hands of my doc. He sat me down and told me. The scan come back negative. There was not traces of cancer left
5 months later touching lots of wood im still clear.!
The problem im finding still is I cant get rid of the feeling its going to come back. I look in the mirror and have a constant reminder of what I had and went through with my hair comeing back. I still cry to my self now as I dont think even now I fully accpeted what I had and went through.
But im one of the lucky ones. Im still here. I put up one of the biggest fight in my life and if I did not have the friends I did, I could not of done it. They were my support all they way through every step. They were part of saveing my life
The docs did tell me that unforcantly for me I was very poorly on chemo but everyone is different.

Its changed my whole out look on life. Im a different but far better person. Things that used to anoy me or upset me and no longer relivant. The little things in life make me smile. Walks in the park, holding someone you love. Life is for liveing, its presures and should never be taken for granted

I hope all of you out there, read this and dont ever give up. There is light at the end of the tunnel as I found.

Corvette · Regular Joined: 13 Nov 2007 Posts: 29 Location: North GA

Hi Stacey, this is some scary stuff. A lot of weird stuff goes through your mind when you are sick and when your are looking for encouragement sometimes its just not there.

I'm clear right now but the docs tell me that there is an 85% chance that it will come back in the neat two years. Too me that's not very good odds BUT all I have to do is stay clear for just a few more months and I will be clear for two years.

It seems in the cancer world the docs don't sugar coat anything. Maybe thats good or maybe thats bad I don't know but I'm here to tell you that lymphoma is not a death sentence anymore. It might come back but there are lots of ways to fight it.

Stiff upper lip! (I had to put that in) Live your life and enjoy it! I wish you all the best.
_________________
Wayne
Male 56 years old
NHL Folicular Large Cell
Two years of Chemo followed by a SCT
Cancer free for almost two and a half years!

brainman · Posted: Sun Dec 02, 2007 11:01 pm Post subject: Re: Please have hope

Stacy, I am very sorry about your cancer. While I know very little about Hodgkin's Lymphomas. I just wanted to let you know that it sounds like you are moving in the right direction by working with your medical team. It takes a lot of courage to undergo all that you have. Keep on fighting.

I also want to let you know that I am thinking about and praying for you.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

face10101010145 · New User Joined: 07 Jan 2008 Posts: 4

I think my body handled the chemo the same way yours did by the sounds of it, although mentally I was much less sure of myself. When the hair comes back it will be the best feeling in the world. I had my second haircut after the chemo had ended the other day, and the feeling of relief that it's all back is still with me. Stay strong, we're all rooting for you Smile

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