Shaving Mother in Laws head before stem cell need help

JennW · New User Joined: 21 Feb 2007 Posts: 2

My mother in law has been battling lymphoma for 13 years and recently gotten worse. She is scheduled for a stem cell transplant in march and has been in different kinds of chemo and radiation for months. I am going tomarrow to shave her head since her hair is falling out. My husband and I along with her husband are the only family near by. I am thinking about shaving my head in support. Is this OK or offensive. I am not sure. I want her to know that while I know that her cancer support groups are important she can rely on us as family and that we love and support her. The doctors say that if this works then great but if it doesn't there isn't much else they can do for her. What should I do?

cardoso · Guest

I, and that's a personal opinion, think it's an empty gesture. Hair is not the problem, if everything goes well, hers will grow again.

Be present, show her you care. Being bald will only remind her of her condition, and maybe she fears about you, even knowing you did it on purpose.

Having lymphoma for more than 10 years, she's not a newbie. She needs your support, not your hair. UNLESS you have a great, long and beautifull hair.

In that case you can cut it, and make a wig, she'll love it, you will be giving a part of your own body to her, that's a nice gesture.

jfkbluecircle

Hi, Jenn:
Shave away! I do not think that your bald head would remind her of her own. Rather, I think that she would see that a bald head is not the end of the world. It matters not how many hairs we cultivate upon our noggins. It does matter, I think, having supportive family and friends willing to SHOW that they love them. Also, brevity is something that can greatly ease the pain of many aspects of losing one's hair. You could then have a reason to buy her scarves, bandanas, etc.
Boldelly or Vee Smith (sorry I cannot remember which one) recommended a website where folks might find head-wear. (I think you might be able to find that post since it is recent by using the search feature provided by the excellent maintainers of this forum.)

Either way, I think you are sweet for wanting to give her such an personal gift. My best to you and your family and for the best of health for your monther-in-law.

Jessica

max621 · New User Joined: 15 Dec 2007 Posts: 1

Many view hair as social statement. (If you don't agree with that, try walking around with a 2-foot-high pink mohawk for a few days. If *no one* looks at you funny, disregard the rest of this entry.) When one unwillingly looses their hair it's a safe bet they are going to feel out of place. This is just a fact of current social behavior. I submit that by shaving your own head you are telling (and showing) the patient that 1) loosing your hair is not as big a deal as they may think, and 2) you are willing to share in their public discomfort of being bald for the sake of love and simple support and I myself cannot find anything 'empty' in that gesture.

Do what your heart dictates.

Corvette · Regular Joined: 13 Nov 2007 Posts: 28 Location: North GA

Has she not lost her hair before this? Well, when she goes for her transplant just about everybody there will have a bald head. She won't be alone. She will meet people in the same boat as her and make many friends. Transplant is tough (I hope you have read my sticky at the top of the thread) but doable. Cure has a lot to do with attitude and communication with your transplant team. I don't think I would shave your own head for her to look at. I wouldn't have wanted my wife to shave hers.

Also, pull as much of it out as possible. Only shave the ones that won't fall out. The loose dead hairs that get shaved off will stick you like needles when you lay down at least that was the way it was for me.

One word of advice is to find humor in this. All the crazy things they have you do can be awful if you don't find some humor in it.
_________________
Wayne
Male 56 years old
NHL Folicular Large Cell
Two years of Chemo followed by a SCT
Cancer free for almost two and a half years!

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