Stage 4 lung cancer

Lucy32 · New User Joined: 21 Jan 2005 Posts: 3

Hello,
I posted previously under the name Lucy but forgot my password so I had to re-register.
Well, my mom was doing OK with her diagnosis of stage 4 lung cancer until recently. No primary source of the cancer has still been found. She only has had 1 brain met. Originally, she was given about 6 months for her prognosis.
She is now 5 months into this. AT the end of November, she was told she had no evidence of disease from the MRI of her head. Ever since hearing that she was NED she has gone down hill. It is almost as if she could not handle being told that she may be OK.
For the last 2 months I have been literaly fighting with her to eat. I swear my cat eats more than she does! My nerves are shot and I am so very tired. I hate to say it but she has proven to be a very difficult patient. I hate coming home because my house used to be so full of joy and life before she came to live here.
Nothing I do pleases her. She speaks to me in a nasty tone most times and demands that I run my life around her. She has even gone so far as to tell the Dr. that it is my fault that she is losing weight!
I have taken her to the Oncologist every week since this has started. About 2 months ago I suggested to the Dr. that maybe she is depressed. She was put on 100 mg of Zoloft. Nothing has changed. She complains of nausea constantly even though she has been on Zofran and Marinol. She still won't eat.
I MADE her go to the Oncologist yesterday and when he saw her he flipped out. (he has been aware that she quit eating) He gave her a very, very stern talking to. He basically told her that at the rate she is going, she has about a month to live. She is totally wasted away. She is 60 and walks like she is 90 and I am not kidding.
The Dr. asked her if she had given up. She said yes. The Dr. told her that she had to make some decisions over the next week. She has to decide if she is going to fight this or not. He told her that he could no longer help her if she won't help herself. And he told her he was going to put a feeding tube in her next week.
The Dr. told her that she is presenting as if she is full of cancer. He said that she is either full of cancer, or she has given up. She then asked that her MRI be repeated of her brain. The Dr. finally agreed to that and I took her first thing this morning to get the test done. We will know by next Thursday if there are any new brain mets.
Does anyone have any thoughts on this situation? What more can I do to help her or is it possible that I can't do anymore?
Thanks for your time,
Lucy

leo · Site Admin Joined: 23 Sep 2004 Posts: 1574

Lucy

Again, I feel very sorry for your mother's situation, and yours too. I wonder also if she is depressed. Over and over we have seen how important the patient's attitude is regarding response. A cooperative patient is certainly much more likely to do well. Another factor that could be causing her problems is if the tumor is causing some problems with the brain and changing her behaviour.

It sounds also that you are overwhelmed with this, and sincerely most of us would be. Have you contacted hospice or someone to help you ? Not only the patient suffers with this, but also the entire family taking care of her.

I wish you and her the best.

regards,
Leo
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Leonardo F - Webmaster Cancer Forums
Disclaimer: this information is for informational purposes only. It is not medical advice.

Lucy32 · New User Joined: 21 Jan 2005 Posts: 3

Leo,
Thank you very much for responding to my post.
I have not contacted Hospice yet as her oncologist has found no evidence of disease left. So, therefore, hospice cannot help me untill the cancer returns (if it does return).
At the end of November, all of her scans and tests were repeated and her brain was clear. The doctors still cannot find a primary source. In fact, her Dr. basically told her that she has been given a gift because stage 4 usually does not work out like this.
I have had a much better weekend. I was feeling very overwhelmed when I posted that.
I still have not been able to get her to eat much more than she previously was but I have seen a slight improvemnt. Maybe in a few days she will be eating more especially after hearing about a feeding tube being inserted.
How long do antidepressants usually take to work? I too, feel that depression is playing a big part in this.
Thank you for creating this website, may God bless you,
Lucy

hhmv73a · Experienced user Joined: 16 Jan 2005 Posts: 95

dear lucy,

i am very sorry to hear about your mother's condition. i am sure the oncologist has many reasons to tell you that the patient is not in a good situation and her survival is limited. however, i think the fact that he is giving a set time for the patient to die did not help the prognosis.

usually no one can predict the time a patient may have for the rest of her life. physicians usually mention median survival time for a group of patients, but cannot predict for individual patients.

please visit: http://www.thecancer.info/cancer/prognosis_statistics/page1.htm
to learn about the median survival time for a patient and you can try to explain to your mother what is median survival and hopefully she will feel better. in addition, hospice is a great idea for terminally ill patients, although no one can predict how long she will have, there is no reason to let her suffer during the last period of her life.

let us know if you have further questions.

regards,

jay

J. Jay Lu, M.D.
Diplomate, American Board of Radiology (Radiation Oncology)

rita · New User Joined: 29 Jan 2005 Posts: 1

I have just read your post and I am feeling your pain. My mom was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer and lived 5 years. She was a living miracle. Ironically, she did not die from cancer. She awoke one morning, Feb. 10, 2004, told my dad that she could not breathe, and died from a blood clot to her remaining lung. My mom was deeply depressed after the discovery of the cancer. She lay on the sofa most of the day and thought about dying. Our whole family rallied around her but she just set her course for death. She was 72 when she died. She was a Christian and had comfort in her faith. And even tho I am a Christian and knew where mom was going, it was the most difficult time in my life. Mom would not take her prescriptions for depression regularly. Looking back, I wish I had taken something! I know exactly how you feel.........the anger, the fatigue, the sadness, the questions that have no answers. Please know that I will be praying for you and you are free to contact me ANYTIME. Don't stop trying, but try to not feel guilty.......sounds like you are doing all the right things. Have you tried making her a protein smoothie? They are full of good things and are a great food replacement.

inohio · New User Joined: 24 Feb 2005 Posts: 3

Lucy32,
I am feeling your pain too. Besides my recent uncle being diagnosed, What you have said reminds me of my grandma. She was a fighter and very strong but it was hard...and to be honest, at the time I was only 14 years old or so and I still cannot get that feeling out of my mind. All I can say to you is be strong and keep going. I know you are hurting and it is very hard to see the one you love in pain..but be there for them....

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