harley
Regular
Joined: 01 Nov 2006
Posts: 11
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 Posted: Sun Dec 16, 2007 2:31 pm Post subject: My Big Brudder - Very overdue update |
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Hi everyone. It's been so long since I was on this forum that I should link you to previous posts:
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=4781&highlight=
http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=21086#21086
My brother was diagnosed in October 2006 after an attempted Whipple revealed to the medical team just how far gone he was. After diagnosis, his goal was to make it to his next birthday in July...which doctors and family thought was optimistic - but we hoped.
Well he pushed and struggled and scraped through several months... we couldn't believe his endurance. It's quite humbling to see what the will to live can really do. He pushed the family away (mostly to shield us) so when he was at home he kept his bedroom door shut and us at bay. In May 2007 he left home care and went into a hospital, mostly because he was scared and wanted the reassurance of 24 hour medical care and a "panic button". They loved him at the hospital; he was a strong fighter who struggled to maintain his independence despite the nurses' best efforts. The nurses were actually quite upset to see him in this place that usually looks after older folks.
I took leave without pay from work to move home for the summer and see him as often as I could. I think he appreciated it.
He seemed to go forever living on just Ensure or iced tea.
His decline in the summer was drastic. We couldn't take him outside into his beloved warm sunshine anymore. He took a spill getting out of bed to use the restroom and we all got a harsh signal that his youth and strength weren't enough anymore. He was finally immobile.
In his last few weeks, he had "terminal restlessness": glazed over look in the eyes, trying over and over to get out of bed, and us fighting him. He maintained communication (in and out) until his last week.
The last Friday morning in July, the hospital called at 3 in the morning to tell us he would soon be gone. We got there in half an hour - impressive. It was still dark outside, the room was lit by lamps, and there laid my brother, breathing with that awful congested death rattle I'd heard so much about. They had to suction it out a few times as the day progressed. It was so hard watching him and holding his hand and having no response, just this awful breathing and his body looking quite gone already. I prayed this wouldn't go on for too long.
All of us, in our own way, told him what day it was: it was indeed his birthday. I'd hoped at one point we'd be able to do cake and candles...but instead we were watching him slip away. It was an agonizing, long day, but just after 4 in the afternoon that horrible breathing stopped. All we could think of was the stubborn little bugger did it! He made it to his birthday.
I have thought about going on this forum to post an update and have been too upset by it all. All your stories are so moving; your words of support so touching. I just wasn't ready to face it. But time has passed and we're now looking at the holidays without him. He just loved this time of year! I've already broken down in the middle of a mall...he loved traditional Christmas music and pretty holiday things.
I'm sorry for the long post. So many of you are going through your own pain at this time of year; I almost feel bad intruding with my own...and he's been gone for months.
I wanted to thank you for the support, advice and kindness I have found on this forum. My brother's struggle was over relatively quickly, but so many other struggles are just starting, or continuing, and so many of you are FIGHTING this nasty cancer. Please be strong, and if this time of year means holiday celebrations for you and yours (and even if it doesn't), draw faith and love from your families, friends and loved ones around you. They are the most important factors in keeping the heart and spirit strong.
With all best wishes,
Harley |
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GreenEyedLady
New User
Joined: 10 Dec 2007
Posts: 6
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| Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 7:52 am Post subject: Re: My Big Brudder - Very overdue update |
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| Your story has brought tears to my eyes. Very touching. I'm so sorry about your loss, I know how difficult it is to try to go on. Sometimes I'll be in a store and think I'm going to just completely lose it. I've just learned that my father is fighting esophageal cancer that we believe is stage IV. He has his PET scan today, so we'll know more when the results are in. I absolutely hate cancer. Even the word is ugly. Thank you for sharing your touching story and I wish you peace this Christmas season. |
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