i'm dying

mjd77 · New User Joined: 24 Apr 2007 Posts: 6

i turn 30 this summer. i have been through months and months of chemo, colon resection, liver resection in the past 2 years. now there are some tumors in my lungs, inoperable. i'm on more chemo, on and off indefinitely, ie until i can no longer take it, or die. usually, i think about it objectively, and have all sorts of clever, trite rationalizations and such. and then sometimes, like now, i am so sad, and think of happy memories from my life, as though it were already over, and i were missing my previous existence. like i'm a ghost and i miss the life i once had. but it's over, and i;m not ready to move on. is there anyone out there i can talk to? who is going through the same?

nossacrs · Regular Joined: 24 Jan 2006 Posts: 21

hi, sorry about your ilness.
i dont know if my story will help, but i think we are going through similar things. im a 44 year old male from england living in germany.
in feb 2004 i was diagnosed with colon cancer with liver mets, had colon op, then chemo, then radiation treatment in first year. 2nd year, liver resection, i also had avastin and chemo, but the tumours came back, i also suffered massive side effects from avastin lost temp loss of leg strength and it damaged my colon and bladder, i needed a bladder op and a temp colostomy, 3rd year, had another liver resection, then i returned to work for the first time. after 3 months had my check up, they found it had returned to my liver and also had got to the lungs. did more chemo and carried on working for another three months till christmas last year, then i coldnt any more. this year had stereotacktish radiation treatment on lungs and liver, at the check up later its back again, since then had a bladder stone removed, and im starting radiation treatment next week. god knows there must be areason for all this. you are not alone, keep fighting this shit illness, god bless.

ljkanderson · New User Joined: 13 Oct 2007 Posts: 3

Although it isn't me that is going through this it is my husband. He had colon cancer, had the resection and colotomy put in and a year and a half later it was discovered back in his lungs. He has been through all the chemo treatments possible and is on the last option before we look into clinical trials.
My advice for you is ask questions, demand answers. Demand that you know the plan of action. Look into eating habits and natural foods that can help you. I am sorry to say that I don't feel that my husband is putting up the fight he needs to for his life. He just does what the doctor tells him and always asks for drugs. This is not a death sentence but a opportunity to live everyday to the fullest you possibly can. And laugh. Laughter is the best medicine.
I don't know if I am much help. I am having a hard time with all of this. My husband is still going through the battle. I am very angry at times and frustrated.

nossacrs · Regular Joined: 24 Jan 2006 Posts: 21

sorry to hear about your husbands illness, with this illness we all go through it, family, friends, everyone will be left mentally damaged its such a brutal illness, i understand it is easy to give up fighting because the odds are realy stacked up against us, i have always the same problem, do i get on with living or do i get on with dying, its hard to plan when your life hangs constantly on the next round of scans and checkups.
live for today is only a phrase that healthy people say. i have a wonderful wife to be, and a great dog both keep me moving and motavated.

PammySue51 · Regular Joined: 18 Dec 2007 Posts: 12 Location: Ohio

I have stage IV colorectal cancer, as well, and have been on continuous chemotherapy for a year now.

My advice is to try to maintain a positive attitude. Get out with friends and family when you can. Entertain in your home when you are physically up to it.

But never ever give up. A cure might be just around the corner.

In my case, I have hundreds of people all over the world who pray for me on a daily bais. I have given my cancer to God (truly) and I am confident that I will be healed of this insidious disease in HIS time. I don't spend too much time thinking about it. I'm just enjoying each day -- each snowfall -- each time I get to spend time with my grandkids -- and each holiday that I get to entertain in my home.

It wasn't always that way. I almost died last year from necrotizing fasciitis (flesh eating bacteria). God healed me of that. I feel that He still has work for me to do i.e. visitation, praying for others, etc.

Please read my blog if you want my entire journey. It started out to be incredibly grim, but God has been faithful.

Please feel free to IM me if I can help in any way. Depression is a debilitating illness.

Please don't have the attitude like the subject of this post "I am Dying". Try to get to the place where the subject might be "I Am Living". I know it's hard, but I can't stress enough how important it is in fighting this beast. We ALL have our down times but just have to be able to "shake it off" so to speak and get on with LIVING!

Be blessed.

Pam
_________________
Pam
stage IV colorectal cancer with mets to liver and lung - dx 9/06
6 months FOLFOX6 + Avastin completed 6/07
Xeloda since 6/07 with Avastin recently added again.
http://pamsmiraculouscancerblog.blogspot.com

pitterpatterpat · New User Joined: 23 Oct 2006 Posts: 6

Please keep in mind I'm not promoting no one treatment. You need to do whatever feels right for you. I'm only going to tell about 2 stories first hand. I have a friend who had stage IV colon cancer. He had chemo, radiation, surgery, liver resection, then more chemo. When cancer appeared on his liver, again. Doctors wanted to do more surgery.
A friend of his told him about the bio medical center in Mexico. He finally told the doctors, "If you couldn't stop it w/the above, than why should I let you cut on me some more. He went to Mexico. That was 8 years ago. The medical doctors here in the states can't find any trace of cancer in him now. He goes back to Mexico once a year for a check. Second story. My sister was told (May 2006) she had stage IV colon cancer & at the most had only 3 months to live. I did everything in my power to try & get her to let me take her to Mexico. She & her husband wouldn't hear of it. She passed away July 2007. I'm not saying the bio medical center could of helped her. I felt like she had nothing to lose. I wouldn't ask her to do anything I wouldn't.
Again, you need to do whats right for you. Just keep in mind, there's always options. For example complimentary medicene. Good luck, May you walk in Gods light.

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