I don't know if I can carry on

minky4425 · New User Joined: 18 Mar 2008 Posts: 1

Hi folks-

my heart goes out to you all - have just found this forum and need to be here.

My story goes as follow;

In November 2007 my beloved husband of 20 years confessed that he was having an affair and that he intended leaving me, I was heartbroken and had a complete nervous breakdown. I was due to attend the Kings University Neurological hospital for further investigations into a mysterious 'illness' that has blighted my life but had to postpone it - I was too busy having a total breakdown!! Anyway after having spent 2 weeks in hosp - usual MRI, lumbar puncture...bone marrow ...I was finally diagnosed with motor neurone disease and MM! Wow.

I just hope the 'C' gets me first. Sad

I have begged and pleaded with my husband to please stay with me and leave his mistress, but now the situation has changed and although I dont want him to stay with me out of pity I need him so desperately, he was my soulmate and my best friend. He works away a lot and disappears to be with his other woman for weekends - he doesn't know what he wants - he says he still loves me, this mental torture has been going on for 4 months now. I feel so alone. I know that I need to let him go and get on with my life but I don't know how long I've got left? Wink

I'm unable to even think about my health as my head is in such a mess - I just can't cope. My daughter is 18 and has been a rock to me, I'm so worried about who will look after her and my little grandaughter, we spend every day together.

Anyway guys sorry I've waffled on - I feel loads better...no doubt you are all pretty despressed now after reading my waffle - sorry

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

love to you all

brainman

minky4425, I am not sure if I am the best person to reply to you since 1. I am a man 2. I am the one who left my wife of 25 years (3 children). Our common factor is that we both have cancer and feel alone most of the time. I left my first wife for a number of reasons (yes, I married again but she left me after less the 2 years). Some of those reasons were long term differences between us; I do not think we where ever soulmates and if we were we just grew apart over the years. But I also hated to be living with her just because I had cancer and was afraid to live on my own. NOW, I am afraid to live on my own Laughing

. Believe it or not, I trust my first wife totally... so much so that I have named her my health care surrogate even though I know that means that if I am not able to care for myself, she will move me back to the city where we lived (we live 3 hours apart now). She still wears her wedding ring Shocked

(does not believe in divorce for religious reasons).

The first few years after our divorce were bumpy but we do get along well... I just cannot stay around her for very long without realizing that I was right in divorcing her Rolling Eyes

.

Like I said, not sure if I am the best person to reply to you. I hope you find peace in your situation.

I am very sorry about your MM. My first father-in-law died of it after several years (more than 5 but I cant remember exactly). He was like a father to me. I think I married his daughter because I needed a family more that love for his daughter. Holidays I still wish I could join them but that would really be awkward.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.
_________________
Jim
Site Administrator and long-term cancer survivor
1992 Astrocytoma grade 2, left motor strip
2005 Recurrence this time said to be an Oligodendoglioma grade 3, same location.
My Story Part 1: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?p=7350
My Story Part 2: http://cancerforums.net/viewtopic.php?t=8029
Blog http://jimhawkinsport.blogspot.com/

Jotto · Regular Joined: 24 Jan 2008 Posts: 47 Location: Biloxi MS

Minky,

I want you to go to this site. Margaret is a great person and helps alot of people including me. I had melanoma, and I hope it stays gone.

I know a little about mutiple myeloma, but this person knows alot more then me.

I know this is a hard time for you and I am sorry of the additional stress that has been added by someone you care deeply about. I wish I could say something to make the pain disappear.

Margaret will discuss things with you, just leave her a message in her blog, she is very busy, but she always responds when she can. She is a angel that has been a blessing in my life, forever will I be in her debt.

Read everything you can, being informed will help you make the best decision for you.

I am praying for you, We all are praying for you.

http://margaret.healthblogs.org/

Jim

Keep the faith, we all have too much to live for.

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