| Author |
|
Mads
New User
Joined: 20 Nov 2008
Posts: 6
Location: South Africa
|
 Posted: Tue Dec 02, 2008 6:51 am Post subject: Devestating News |
 |
|
My mother in law was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer with mets to her liver on 11/14/2008. The doctor says she has about 3 - 6 months to live.
The sad thing for me is, they sent her home with a death sentence, some pain killers and an appointment to see the oncologists councelor after 2 weeks of receiving this devestating news.
My husband and I knew nothing about this illness until my mil diagnosis. We read just about every article there is available. Unfortunately, no positive news came forth from that exercise.
We started her on a healthy diet of fresh fruits and vegetables and quite a number of enzyme supplements. She has to decide by 29 December 2008 if she wants to go for the chemo or not. At this stage, she feels that since the doctor can't guarantee that it will give her extra time, she's not going for it.
My heart is breaking, not only for this vibrant, dynamic woman who became so ill (feels like so suddenly) but also for my wonderful husband who really is having a tough time.
Thanks for this forum - I've learned so much here. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
jessica026
Regular
Joined: 17 Jan 2008
Posts: 47
|
| Posted: Tue Dec 02, 2008 8:32 am Post subject: Re: Devestating News |
|
|
so sorry about the news  .
unfortunatly at this stage chemo probably wouldnt do a whole lot anyways ya know?
it did nothing for my mom but give us all false hope..chemo didnt touch her cancer, and literally it did nothing.
but hey I am no DR so dicuss it when she goes for her appt anyways and see what he has to say..stranger things have happened  |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
Mads
New User
Joined: 20 Nov 2008
Posts: 6
Location: South Africa
|
| Posted: Tue Dec 02, 2008 12:35 pm Post subject: Devestating News |
|
|
The only reason why they will give her chemo at this stage, is because it will help her with the pain. The painkillers isn't effective and I think that is also the reason why she will consider chemo. Didn't it help with pain for your mother at all?
The doctor also prescribed morphine tablets, which she hasn't taken yet.
You know, there's so many do's and dont's - my husband also investigated the laetrile (Vit B17) theory - but we can't find it anywhere in South Africa.
Would like to know if you heard about it? |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
helensfriend
Regular
Joined: 26 Aug 2008
Posts: 19
|
| Posted: Tue Dec 02, 2008 3:09 pm Post subject: Re: Devestating News |
|
|
Yes, I am sorry about your news too... It is devastating.
I went through exactly what you are in terms of reading absolutely everything on what options are available. It feels wrong inside that options are so limited with this type of illness - you just keep reading more and more in the hope that something will turn up. It is our duty as carers to keep looking and reading and hoping - it is a sign of love. And then to provide as much support and care when it is needed.
My friend passed away from this illness in October, and while her medical story was not good, she did grow as a person during her illness and resolved issues and found peace well in advance of her passing. Many people do not have the opportunity to find this peace, so perhaps that is the positive aspect of PC?
Anyhow, keep strong and keep reading for any news that may make a difference.
Best regards,
Mandy |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
Mads
New User
Joined: 20 Nov 2008
Posts: 6
Location: South Africa
|
| Posted: Wed Dec 03, 2008 6:10 am Post subject: Devestating News |
|
|
Hi Mandy,
Thanks so much for your reply. Although it's a very sad, distressfull and emotionally draining time for each of us, dealing with this illness, it is heartwarming to know that there is people out there knowing exactly what we're going through - even though there's thousands of miles between us - the emotional turmoil is the same.
We so much want to help her with the pain, but we feel so helpless, as there seems to be absolutely nothing we can do .... |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
Mads
New User
Joined: 20 Nov 2008
Posts: 6
Location: South Africa
|
| Posted: Wed Dec 10, 2008 5:42 pm Post subject: Devestating News |
|
|
Mom's condition detoriated rapidly since my last post.
She was hospitilised on Saturday, 11/06 as the pain became too much for her to handle. On Sunday morning they started her on morphine and everything just went downhill from there. She ran a very high fever, which they got under control, but she remained unresponsive for the next 2 days (according to the doctor, a side effect of the morphine). They lowered the dosage and she became a bit more talkative and had something to eat and drink yesterday. We visited her often and we were very excited as the crisis seemed to have passed. We talked and joked last night and all of us went home with a sigh of relief.
That was until this morning - the fever was back and she seemed to be in a trance-like state. This is such and emotional draining time ...
My husband will be spending the night with her as she has now been moved from the ICU to the Palliative care room in the hospital. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
helensfriend
Regular
Joined: 26 Aug 2008
Posts: 19
|
| Posted: Sat Dec 13, 2008 3:25 pm Post subject: Re: Devestating News |
|
|
Hello Mads,
It is a rollercoaster, and I know exactly what you are going through. My friend Helen went downhill very quickly at one point in time - her pain was not managed well so I called the ambulance to have her taken into hospital. This was actually one of only two times this happened - her pain was managed very well on the whole throughout.
Once she got there, it seemed like she just blanked out, and for the next two days was quite unresponsive, did not eat or drink, and we all feared the worst.
I went home on the Sunday, and then came back in on the Monday morning, and she was sitting up in bed eating breakfast! Well... I just had a grin from ear to ear - what a sight for sore eyes!
It seemed that her blood levels were out of whack - I can't quite remember now what the exact problem was but it had sent her into a spin.
It was funny - she said afterwards that she felt like she was just sleeping, and knew everyone was around her (it was like a vigil we were so worried) but she 'didn't feel like talking'. Afterwards she pulled me aside and asked my why so many people were around her - I told her that everyone thought she was on the way out - she was couldn't believe it! She said that she hadn't feel like that at all!
After that, she went back to normal for a little while before she ultimately passed away 3 weeks later. I am so glad of those final 3 weeks, as she made peace within herself and I know that she was not scared at the end.
So Mads, it is an emotional rollercoaster for those that care for a loved one with PC. There will be ups and downs the whole way. I feel the sadness that you and your family are going through.
Make certain you all look after yourselves too - eat properly, have little breaks, take time out if you are getting overwrought...
One thing we hesitated to do with Helen was to sit down and tell her exactly how we felt about her - I think we felt that it was a bit final and would seem like we were 'giving up' on her. Of course we had no ideas about time frames. In retrospect, I wish I had sat with her several weeks out, and said something like 'I know you've got plenty of time left, but I just wanted to say some things to you without the panic of any crisis' or something along those lines... She knew that I loved and adored her - she was a soulmate to me, and it was evident in everything I did to care for her, so I'm not too worried, but I still would have liked to have said it.
Take care Mads,
Mandy |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
Mads
New User
Joined: 20 Nov 2008
Posts: 6
Location: South Africa
|
| Posted: Mon Dec 15, 2008 1:42 pm Post subject: Devestating News |
|
|
Thank you for your reply. It really helps a lot knowing there's people knowing what we're going through as it we sometimes feel so alone and isolated.
Mom went in a comatose state on Thursday. Lying in bed just staring in front of her with no reactions whatsoever. My husband's brother flew in from Johannesburg (we live on the Southernmost tip of Africa - 2 hours drive from Cape Town) on Thursday evening and we thought that he was the only person she was waiting for before letting go. She didn't even blink when he came in to see her.
Conrad (my husband) and his siblings stood by her side 24/7 since Wednesday and no change occurred. Since Friday morning she did make some sounds as they turned her around in her bed and made some movements with her arms, but no distinct movements or sounds. Her eyes isn't so fixed anymore either. She sleeps most of the time.
It's just so confusing - we're talking to her - saying goodbye and telling her how much we love her all the time. But then we're thinking maybe she isn't dying yet and here we all are standing by her side and saying goodbye all the time and she cant talk to tell us that we're making a mistake.
It was exactly 1 month since her diagnosis yesterday.
This evening, we put up a little Christmas tree with blinking lights in her room and she definitely looked up to see the tree. It is so sore inside to see this strong woman who loved Christmases and preparing food for her family so much and there's nothing we can do to help her.
It sure is going to be one sad Christmas ... |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
Mads
New User
Joined: 20 Nov 2008
Posts: 6
Location: South Africa
|
| Posted: Thu Dec 18, 2008 2:55 pm Post subject: Devestating News |
|
|
Mom passed away this evening at 19h15.
We are heartbroken, but we know that her pain is now gone.
RIP Tilly de Swardt - We will love you - Forever. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
brainman
Site Admin
Joined: 13 Oct 2005
Posts: 5617
Location: Tennessee
|
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
helensfriend
Regular
Joined: 26 Aug 2008
Posts: 19
|
| Posted: Thu Dec 18, 2008 5:24 pm Post subject: Re: Devestating News |
|
|
Mads, I am so so sorry. I am thinking of you and your family in this difficult time.
Look after yourself,
Mandy |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
jessica026
Regular
Joined: 17 Jan 2008
Posts: 47
|
| Posted: Tue Dec 23, 2008 5:01 pm Post subject: Re: Devestating News |
|
|
so sorry
but you are right..she is no longer suffering and in pain.
I know my mother would not have wanted to live long in the state she was in..very much like your story she was unresponsive and when she did try to talk we could no longer understand her, and it was like she didnt even know who we were anymore....i know this killed her on the inside as much as the cancer did.
my thoughts are with you..especially right now at this time of year..its going to be a tough one. |
|
| Back to top |
|
|
|
|
Search 
Email Digests
Register to post
Profile 
Check private messages 
Log in
What is this ?
We subscribe to the HONcode principles. Verify here. All content and posts are copyright.
