Hi all-about my mother-in-law (Long)

Sherry · Regular Joined: 30 Dec 2008 Posts: 45 Location: Missouri

My mother-in-law has pc. She was diagnosed back in Nov. 2006. They wanted to do the whipple in March 2007. When they opened her up, they found that it was attached to the main artery that runs through the pancreas or in that area (from what I understand). They said it was too dangerous b/c they could nick the artery and she could bleed to death.

They did a by-pass for her food to go straight into the intestines and sent her home saying 2 years more or less. They said if she wanted to she could do chemo and radiation it was her choice. She did both. Last March they said they couldn't see any signs of the tumor. So she insisted that she quit chemo.

In Sept. she developed bad diarrhea, went back to the doctor and the cancer is back. She has lost probably 25 pounds and 2 sizes in clothes. She doesn't eat much and I belive she is in pain all the time, but doesn't admit it. She is back on chemo-Gemzar I think and all kinds of meds; enzymes, depression, steroids, anxiety and I can't even remember what all. My husband set up a spreadsheet with them all on it, plus took a craft box and laid them all out for her for each day. She has enough to last her 8 days at a time.

She is going to be 77 in March. I believe she is in the very last stage-4. We don't really know b/c if she knows she doesn't tell us or is in denial and I don't think she wants to know. Neither do my husband and his brother. I would really like to know where she is at with this as a caregiver. My mother passed away 2 years ago the 27th of January. She and my mother-in-law got sick at the same time.

They treated my mom for pneumonia until Jan. 3rd and did a biopsy and found it to be cancer, but not what kind. Two days later they were going in two take a larger biopsy and she got so bad so fast they couldn't do it. We don't know what kind of cancer she had. All we know was that it was in her lungs, but they didn't think it started there. I don't want that helpless feeling again. That's why I would like to know where she is with this. I want to know that I've done all I can do to make her confortable and making sure she gets nutrition. She is like a mother to me and has been so good to me for all the 28 years I've been in her life. She complains with pain in her right back, sometimes on her right hip and above the pubic bone. I think it could be in her liver.

We were trying to interpret what the hospital report said and it said something about the lobe. The scan in Sept. showed that there was a haze covering her abdomenal cavity and the drs. words to my brother-in-law were "it's like moss growing on a rock". In the last week or so she has started to complain about how hard it is to swallow even if it's just water. I've not been able to read much on this particular symptom. Does anyone know about this? I went with her to chemo last Monday and the doctor just brushed it off to probably b/c the meds were drying her out. I think there's more to it (Lymph nodes?), but when she complained about other things like the pain and the tender abdomen, he didn't say anything. I hear he really doesn't say anything unless you specifically ask and I was afraid to ask b/c I don't think she really wants to know and I think he knows that too.

She is getting a lot weaker and has been in the hospital twice since the weekend before Thanksgiving. She's been given blood a couple of times too and seems to improve after that for a short period of time. From everything think I've read, I'm pretty sure it's just a matter of months-short months. Any ideas from this brief description. Of course, I know everyone is different. Thanks

brainman

Sherry, I am sorry that it has taken me so long to reply to you. I hope you do not mind that I edited your post to break it into smaller paragraphs.

I am very sorry about your MIL's Pancreatic Cancer. I am a little confused about your mother. Does she have cancer too or just pneumonia? In either case, you must be overwhelmed by all of this.

Pancreatic Cancer is one of the worse cancers a person can have because of its significant impact on the person's quality of life and because of the poor prognosis associated with it. It can spread to so many different organs that it is very hard to predict what will happen next.

I too am not sure what to make of your MIL’s swallowing difficulty. It could be any number of things but I do not thing a lymph node would be one of them. An enlarged note would show up on her scan. Sometimes people who are taking chemotherapy have such low immune systems that they can get all sorts of infections. My father had a bad case of thrush that made it hard for him to swallow. But she would notice the white spots in her mouth by now so it probably is not that.

Doctors need to be kicked sometimes. Unless you really do not want to know, I would ask your MIL’s doctor over and over until he/she finally answered my questions and concerns.

You and your MIL are in my thoughts and prayers.
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pbj11 · Site Admin Joined: 12 May 2007 Posts: 2404

Hi Sherry,

I'm so terribly sorry you are facing this devastating cancer with your MIL. God bless you and your husband for taking on the caregiver roles. He sounds like I was -- spreadsheets, etc. to coordinate meds. It's a good plan to be in place.

I'm also sorry that she isn't being very forthcoming with talking about where in the journey she is. This is NOT uncommon. I've found that most cancer patients don't want to discuss the nitty-gritty details. I wish there was a way for you to talk to her Doctor in private. I was fortunate that my husband knew I'd hammer the Doc with questions at every visit. We were very up front about that when he first started treatment. Dealing with a MIL is a different situation than dealing with a spouse. You don't have all the "rights" to ask things, but yet you are as much responsible for her care as a spouse would be. It's not a pleasant place to be sitting.

I did hear something on the news yesterday with regard to Patrick Swayze's pancreatic cancer fight. One of the doctors said that the stomach is often a problem from the pressure of the pancreas and that acid reflux or food can actually travel back up due to this problem. I don't know if this is what is happening to make your MIL have these difficulties, but I thought I'd toss it out there.

You are right, everyone is so individual in how their cancer progresses and the twists and turns of the journey. You've described many symptoms that aren't the best to be seeing at this point. I hope the Gemzar helps with the spread of the cancer.

Sorry this is not so helpful, but you really are between the proverbial "rock and a hard place" with your MIL. If you get the chance outside of her hearing, try asking the doctor about hospice and his response may give you some REAL indication of where she is on the journey. Sometimes the chemo nurses are a HUGE source of information too. Not that I'm recommending that at this time, but it may be a good way to box him in to some clue of just what you are seeing.

Keep us posted and best of luck!

God bless,
PBJ
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Husband diagnosed with NSCLC Stage IV. (Non-Small Cell Lung Cancer) Fought & lived 2 1/2 years with multiple lines of treatment.

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tweetybird · Regular Joined: 29 Jan 2008 Posts: 18

Hello,

I read your story, and i'm so sorry your having to go through this. But adult to adult i can understand in a way where your coming from. My mother 46 was diagnosed in Feb 06 and hers is also located on the main arterty (aorta i think they call it). they attempted to do one surgery, and saw it was not possible, put her back on chemo, and the ct scans showed maybe there was hope, so they attempted surgery again this one being 9 1/2 hours and still couldnt be done.

And my mother is the same way, she keeps everything bottled up inside, and honestly i sometimes feel she thinks shes a burden on my stepdad and I. My mother was in the hospital for three weeks after thanksgiving, and I had to learn to just go ahead and ask the questions whether she liked it or not, so they could treat the problems that she wasnt telling them about, and sometimes its for the best. Its hard to do, and since it is your mother in law its even harder, but if your playing a role as a caregiver you need to know.

As far as her not being able to swallow sometimes, I am not a dr. so to that note im not sure, but i do know with my mom, she eats and drinks at a meal (which isnt very much) but she always complains of having like a gas bubble feeling in her chest, and most of the time ends up getting sick. so you may want to ask the doctor again and again like in the post before said until you get the answer your looking for.

Again I'm so sorry your going through this, just try to be strong, and ill keep you and your family in my prayers. Just know there are going to be many ups and down days to come in this journey that your family is going through.

Sherry · Regular Joined: 30 Dec 2008 Posts: 45 Location: Missouri

[b]Hi Brainman[/b] and thanks for editing that. I was a little upset when I wrote that and I just rambled on. I notice now some misspelled words too.

My mother may have had a little pneumonia, but it was cancer. We don't know what kind it was because she got so bad so fast that they were not able to go in and take a larger biopsy to try and determine what kind of cancer she really had. I sure would like to know. She passed away on January 27, 2007.

I'm glad you told me about the thrush. She does have that. The doctor gave her a prescription for it, but she wouldn't take it until just recently. She still has it. She goes back for chemo today and is going to ask about that again. Maybe that is what is causing her problem swallowing.
[b]
Hi PBJ[/b] I wish I could talk to the doctor privately as well and I know I don't have the rights even though, I'm probably her main caregiver. Thanks for replying. It feels so good to talk to someone freely and not worry about whether they want to hear what I say or not. You gave me some good ideas.

[b]Hi tweetybird[/b] It sounds like you mom and my mother-in-law are in the same boat. It's so hard to have to go through this. I'm like you if something comes up, I write it down and tell whoever is taking her to chemo to ask the doctor. My stepfather-in-law is useless. He has beginning Alzheimers and can't remember anything at all. He sits right there and hear's everything the doctor says, but absorbs none of it. He had hernia surgery Friday, so now we have two of them down.

Thank you all for responding, if feels good to talk to someone that knows how I feel. I do really appreciate all your prayers. We will take everyone we can get!! Wink

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