When is the end near?

notme · Guest

I'm sure you are right, your mom needs to release him from his duty, as our mom told my sister it was okay too.....

The hospice nurse has lots of experience, I surely do not know about these things.

confusedNscared · Regular Joined: 11 Jun 2009 Posts: 14

Mom said her peace yesterday, telling him it's okay for him to die, she loves him, and she'll be okay.

He's in a lot of pain today, but only when he moves. If he stays in one spot he says his pain level is 0, upon getting up to the bathroom a 7.

The nurse was just in, and has explained to him what the doctor may order this afternoon is a ?? drip line ?? (I can't remember what she called it) -- where a constant drip of pain meds via an IV, and the ability to increase it himself to the "limit" set. I think this is a great idea. Hoping it helps.

Currently he's on 4mg hydromorphone every 2-3 hours since last night.

Is it wrong of me to want him to slip in to a coma until the end? Worse yet, to have his doctor medically induce a coma? I feel so guilty even thinking these thoughts, and dare not even speak to anyone outside this forum of them. As it is, my DH, who is not with us right now, thinks I'm being too pushy and controlling... that Dad knows his limitations, and will use the commode when he's ready, and double his pain meds when necessary. I feel like I'm pushing his death to come faster. I'm sure my sibs and husband think so. And I'd never burden my mother with my thoughts. She's going through her own hell right now.

THank you for letting me ramble.

notme · Guest

Poor guy. Of course it's not wrong of you---to think anything. You only want what best for him, and living in pain when there's no hope, isn't what you'd want for anyone, especially your dad.

The nurse also told us that it's normal to have negative thoughts, bad memories of the person dying....she said it's survival, it's our instincts kicking in, because we don't want to go too. That was a huge surprise to me, but I admit, I did remember fights and things she had said that hurt me when I was young and I was feeling badly that I was thinking these things while she was in great pain.

I'm glad he is going on morphine, that'll help, but he won't be talking much, hope he has a cathether -- so he doesn't have to get up to go anymore.

Life ~ I sure hope you don't have to go through anymore loss this way.

Don't forget to take care of yourself. He'd want that, as well as mom.

confusedNscared · Regular Joined: 11 Jun 2009 Posts: 14

Thank you notme for your kind post. Sometimes it's just reassurance that we're not evil thinking and just plain old human beings once in a while.

Today was a rough day. Dad woke in severe pain around 5am, and although we were able to get 2 hydromorphone in to him at that time, when 7am came around he was unable to swallow. By 8am I had the nurse and doctor paged to come in. The nurse set up a drip, and the doctor gave him injectible nausea type meds for him to sleep.

Throughout the day, Dad spoke to me as if I were his grandfather, spoke of flying things coming at him, and cars backing up around him. He reached out for my hand at one point, with his eyes open, so I thought he was awake. Turns out he wasn't and he is sleeping with eyes open sometimes, other times they are shut. Very nerve rattling.

My sibs were in tonight and got a reality check bigger than life. The doctor was just in as well, and his O2 is 80%, P 120. She gave him more injections, to calm his breathing, and hopefully allowing him a more peaceful rest. She'll be in first thing tomorrow to assess, but has told me it is progressing rapidly now, and could be within the next 24 hours.

My heart is broken, and yet I find some relief knowing that he will soon be at peace.

Goodnight Daddy, I love you

confusedNscared · Regular Joined: 11 Jun 2009 Posts: 14

Dad passed away this morning at 9:54 EDT.

God's Speed, fly high and soar. You'll be missed, Daddy. I love you, now and for always. Crying or Very sad

I hope I'm not stepping on any toes by adding Dad's favourite poem.

High Flight
Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of earth
And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;
Sunward I've climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth
Of sun-split clouds - and done a hundred things
You have not dreamed of - wheeled and soared and swung
High in the sunlit silence. Hov'ring there
I've chased the shouting wind along, and flung
My eager craft through footless halls of air.
Up, up the long delirious, burning blue,
I've topped the windswept heights with easy grace
Where never lark, or even eagle flew -
And, while with silent lifting mind I've trod
The high untresspassed sanctity of space,
Put out my hand and touched the face of God.

~Pilot Officer Gillespie Magee
~No 412 squadron, RCAF
~Killed 11 December 1941

Replicant · Moderator Joined: 01 Nov 2006 Posts: 860

My heart goes out to you.

May perpetual light shine upon him, and his soul rest in peace.
_________________
Replicant

Dx Feb 2006, PSA 9 @age 43
RRP Apr 2006 - Gleason 3+4, T2c, NXMX, pos margins
PSA 5/06 <0.1, 8/06 0.2, 12/06 0.6, 1/07 0.7.
Salvage radiation (IMRT) total dose 70.2 Gy, Jan-Mar 2007@ age 44
PSA 6/07 0.1, 9/07 (and thereafter) <0.1
http://pcabefore50.blogspot.com

confusedNscared · Regular Joined: 11 Jun 2009 Posts: 14

Thank you replicant.

Jean222 · Senior User Joined: 14 Dec 2008 Posts: 262

I'm sorry for your loss.

May he RIP.

Jean

notme · Guest

He certainly has a beautiful daughter, I'm sure he is a happy guy.

My sister did that reaching out thing, with both hands, it was as though she saw someone or something and was reaching for it, the nurse told me it happens all the time.

Smiles sent your way...take care

confusedNscared · Regular Joined: 11 Jun 2009 Posts: 14

Thank you Jean, thank you notme.

It's been a rough week, but we've made it! Dad's service was beautiful, just as he would have liked it. Mom is still in shock, I'm sure, as I've yet seen her cry or break down. She may very well be doing it in the privacy of their bedroom, but she's definitely in a daze at this point. We're here for the summer, and hopefully she'll open up to me when she feels the time is right.

Thanks again to all who have responded to my questions, rants and blatherings. This is a great community!!! (((HUGS)))

LauraZ · New User Joined: 27 Jul 2009 Posts: 4

[quote="confusedNscared"]Thank you Jean, thank you notme.

It's been a rough week, but we've made it! Dad's service was beautiful, just as he would have liked it. Mom is still in shock, I'm sure, as I've yet seen her cry or break down. She may very well be doing it in the privacy of their bedroom, but she's definitely in a daze at this point. We're here for the summer, and hopefully she'll open up to me when she feels the time is right.

Thanks again to all who have responded to my questions, rants and blatherings. This is a great community!!! (((HUGS)))[/quote]

I just read your poss and it breaks my heart to hear what you have been going through, we are going through the same thing and we dread everything ahead of us. My aunt was happy and healthy just a year ago.. now she weighs 76 pounds and is refusing medicine. She will not tell us what the doctors told her about the time line she has and she refuses contact with us... Thank you for sharing your story, it is of weird and painful comfort. My heart goes out to you and your family for your loss. Your dad is not in pain now and he rejoices with the angels.

bkinne828 · New User Joined: 27 Jul 2009 Posts: 6

I have been looking for information about this very subject. My father is 91 and has a PSA of 2475. Just found out today. He had been hiding it from me and my siblings. Your sharing has eased my mind. Bless you and your family. May your father rest in peace.

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